1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

When is the right time to ask someone out?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Pyrenees, Sep 5, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Pyrenees

    Pyrenees
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2013
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hello, emptyclosets!
    Before we begin, some background knowledge if you do not mind reading a wall of text.
    __________

    I'm a senior at my local high school. I have known for years about the fact that I'm gay and for the most part I'm really content with my life. However, I don't plan to come out at all (only my close friends know I'm gay). If people ask, I will honestly answer them because my school is seriously really open and friendly.

    So I've met a cute guy... we'll call him X. In general, he's really shy, quiet, reserved, etc. I haven't talked to him prior all these years, but we have the same circle of friends. I have observed that X doesn't socialize much even with his own friends-- only speaking up when he wanted to talk about work.

    Fortunately, we got one class together. In AP Chem, during the first week of school, I noticed we would always meet eyes. Our class was later assigned seats but now we sit very close together (while my close friends sit on the other side of the room :dry:slight_smile:. Our class was to pair up to do a lab... and guess what! We partnered up. As we started to work we somehow initiated a good conversation. We talked about ourselves before I knew it and were joking around! Then X somehow smoothly asked me for my number (which he later told me he lost his phone lol.)
    Nowadays, we continue to talk and work together. He's asked me to meet him in the library to work, etc. When we have free time in class to talk with our friends, he stays with me rather than his friends and we continue to have good chats. We've even dropped compliments and it is becoming obvious that we are both gay. I talked to my friends about this and they've even commented, "Are you sure we are talking about X?"

    __________

    It's been 2 weeks so far that I have known him and... I really want to ask him out. He may be extremely friendly with me, but he is still shy. So I know he won't attempt a first move. But I don't know how to accomplish this!

    Usually, I play the piano/guitar to accompany myself and sing a song to pick up a friend for homecoming. But this scenario is entirely different. I want it to be special, but is it perhaps too different?
    Also, I've only been in relationships because I've been asked out (by girls) so I have no idea what to do on top of that.
    I believe I'm supposed to ask him on a date first to get to know him... then ask him to be my boyfriend? Do I save the serenade for boyfriend time? Ugh~!!


    Thanks for reading!
     
    #1 Pyrenees, Sep 5, 2013
  2. ryanalexander61

    ryanalexander61
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2013
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Do you know if this person is gay or not? Not an assumption based on his actions, but for sure...
     
    #2 ryanalexander61, Sep 5, 2013
  3. malachite

    malachite
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, now would seem like a good time, ask him he wants to hang out sometime. Tell him you like spending time with him.
     
    #3 malachite, Sep 5, 2013
  4. Pyrenees

    Pyrenees
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2013
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Mostly sure.

    Thanks! I'll try to do that.
     
    #4 Pyrenees, Sep 5, 2013
  5. Connor22

    Connor22
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Messages:
    1,053
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Norn Iron
    5 minutes after you meet them.
     
    #5 Connor22, Sep 5, 2013
  6. ryanalexander61

    ryanalexander61
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2013
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    So when you say "ask someone out" are you thinking of asking him out on a date? I assume that is kinda what you mean...

    I would say just continue being friends, try to hang outside of school, see where it goes. Get to know him a little more first, actually a lot more. Something very innocent, like "wanna catch a movie this weekend?"

    When you are comfortable enough (and he with you), come out to him first. Don't just assume he is gay. There are countless threads on this forum of stories of people doing all sorts of things that indicate they are gay, but that doesn't mean they are. Sometimes it is people's interpretations are "digging" for signs that someone is gay, because they want them to be. Other times that person may actually be gay, but not ready to accept it or flat out in denial.

    I'm not saying this person is/isn't. I have no clue. But really you have no clue either. Until someone tells you they are gay, it is wrong to assume that, and frankly a little unfair to that person (but we are guilty of that, even myself).

    Just enjoy the friendship, be respectful of his space. If he is gay, and you "ask him out" too soon it might scare him off. There aren't a lot of people that are comfortable enough to be openly dating someone of the same sex in high school. So saying "i need to ask him to go on a date first, then ask him to be my boyfriend" is a little "too fast" as they say.

    A deeper friendship will suit you better, and you might have someone to confide in.

    Best of luck,
     
    #6 ryanalexander61, Sep 5, 2013
  7. Californiacoast

    Californiacoast
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2013
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco, CA
    I like the friendship part. It allows you to hang out, grab coffee, go to movies, hit tha beach, whatever without real commitment on either's part. Just have fun! See if you guys enjoy doing stuff together. This will be important if it moves to a deeper level. The guys I saw in highschool were on my football team and we mostly just went to movies and volunteered and hit tha beach. It's how I met the tailback on our state Championship football team!
     
    #7 Californiacoast, Sep 6, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)