I'm afraid that my boyfriend is gay and does not want to admit it to himself, or at least to others. I just don't want him to be using me to try to prove to himself or to everyone else that he is straight. We work together and a lot of people think he is gay or bi. I would be ok if he was bi as long as his preference is women because I want him to be with the person he wants to be with most, not just who society wants him to be with most. Some reasons I think he may be gay are: he is very close friends with a gay man who he says will flirt with him and he goes along with it, and they went on a road trip together just the two of them, and he has talked about flying out to see him and driving back with him (it is a 30 hour drive!!). There are also a few gay people at our work who think he is gay and they all say that they have a really good gaydar. He is also a very flirty person with both sexes; he has talked about texting a guy from work and told me that he sent him a ;P emoticon, which is usually reserved for when u have a crush on someone, and he has also told me that he's smacked a guy at work's ass. His best friend seems a little gay as well but I don't know him well enough to assume anything, but my boyfriend calls him his heterosexual life partner. And i said jokingly that they look gay when they are together, and he said that everyone says that and they just accept it. He also jokingly rubbed his friends leg when we were out once. He admits to finding specific men attractive such as Ryan Reynolds, and when we were talking about the guys at work who I think are attractive he told me which guys he thought were attractive. Some more stereotypical signs are that he crosses his legs, he's been in musicals, he watches dancing shows on tv, he tries to give me fashion advice when we go shopping, and he always does his hair, and I've never seen him wear shoes that aren't flip flops unless he's working. I've never looked through his phone or computer but I know that he has watched porn but I don't know what type of porn he watches. I've asked him why he thinks people think he is gay and he replied because I don't care what people think and I'm flamboyant, and then I said well hopefully your not gay because I'm not a man, and all he said was weeelllll (implying that I am a man). He doesn't have a problem with sex, he gets hard easily and alway wants to have sex with me but he takes awhile to cum. He's always kissing me and telling me I'm beautiful, so I don't know what to think. I just want him to be sure of who he is and I don't know wether or not to confront him.
I can't comment on whether or not he's gay, and certainly not second-hand and over the internet. But, from what you've said, it does seem that you two have different personal boundaries in terms of what you expect from your partner. I get the impression you wouldn't be rubbing friends' legs while out with everyone, even as a joke. And do I know a lot of people who want to fly across a continent and take a 30-hour drive with a friend? Well, no, but I do know a few, and taking that trip doesn't mean they're infatuated with said friend. Lots of people take road trips. It sounds like you know he's attracted to you, and actually have some evidence to that effect. So, take that at face value - trust him about the feelings he's shown for you thus far and tell him about your concerns. And since he seems to be the kind of person where you need to clarify, make sure it's clear that you want a serious response, not a joking one.
talk to him about what genders he is interested in and tell him you accept him for who he is and if he is gay than at least now you would know and you would have a gay boyfriend like i had once lol it was nice yes i loved him and was protective of him and stuff but he became like my best friend and we where like the same person except he was a guy lol we talked about guys all the time and girls and he said being gay doesn't mean he cant appreciate a woman's boobs and i was one of the very few people who knew
At the risk of raising the ire of some of the anti-stereotype crowd here, from everything you describe, I'd be floored if your boyfriend was straight. (By the way... this is entirely anecdotal, and not based on a large body of evidence, but one of the most reliable indicators I've ever found of a closeted gay guy is when he refers to "his beautiful girlfriend" or "his amazing girlfriend." For whatever reason, you almost never hear straight guys say that, and in every case that I or my friends have come across where a guy used that phrase... he later turned out to be gay. Certainly not proof by itself, but add it to everything else you've described... and I'd say it's a high likelihood you've got a poofter on your hands.
I would estimate, based on your fairly detailed description of his sexual and general behaviour, that your bf is bisexual, perhaps leaning to men's side of SO spectrum. I was also told some time ago by my friend (he is psychologist dealing with sexual aspects of human psychology) that delayed ejaculation, unless there is organical reason for it, is pretty reliable indicator of homosexual dimension of that particular man. Logically: he is not very much aroused by female body, so it takes him a while to cum, possibly with the help of homo phantasys. Of course, I might be wrong, but I think you should confront him.
I would question whether you feel intimacy with him beyond the sex. All guys can get off, but what do you feel like after the sex? Has it been a bonding moment for the both of you? If you are both at dating level, definitely get this cleared up before future commitment! It is so hard to tell from what you described if he is gay or not. I like duck hunting, watching college football, dont' swish when I walk, drive an SUV, have a beard, and can talk all day about Pro Football. Also, I can't stand shopping, hate gossip, have never been in a musical, and cant STAND dance shows. Do you think I am gay? I assure you the sight of a good looking man get's me all kinda excited sexually and I am gay as a 2 dollar bill! One of my best friends is straight and on the way back from Sacramento today, I noticed he is more like the guy you are dating. Doesn't make him gay. Just makes him in touch with his emotions and maybe a bit more effiminate, by society's standards. If you want a beer belchin, Nascar watchin, man's man, there are plenty out there.
Ok so I asked him if he was bisexual and that it was ok if he was I just want to know, and he said no, he doesn't like the dick. He asked why I thought that and I said because everyone else at work was saying it and he said, why do u listen to everyone else? I feel like if he was gay he would've gotten weird when I asked him, and we do connect physically and emotionally, so maybe he is just effeminate or a little bi, but not enough to acknowledge it?
