I have been married for over 3 years to a guy that I would call a best friend that I love and care about so much. The main thing that I feel like I'm missing out on is a sexual attraction. We rarely have sex and when we actually do have sex, I find that I can only climax if I'm thinking about having sex with women. Just a little background of my sexuality. I grew up in a Christian family and I considered myself Christian as well. This led to trying to suppress any homosexual thoughts that I had, but it didn't prevent me from actually engaging in sexual or "curious" activity when I was young. I even had a female friend that I hooked up with on multiple occasions at the end of high school. I still just tried to put in my brain that I was just playing around and that I wasn't a lesbian if I didn't get in a real relationship with a girl. I have recently come out to him as "bisexual" but I'm not sure if I even am so much. I believe that sexuality can be on a spectrum and isn't b&w, but I don't think I'm right in the middle. I definitely think I'm more leaning on the side of being a lesbian. I can find guys attractive, and have had many crushes on guys growing up, but for the most part I feel like me being "straight" is completely forced. I met my husband online in 2006 and even though it hasn't been that long, it has been a long road to where we are now. He was born in and lived in the UK when we met and I live in the US so it was a long distance relationship. He visited twice in 2008 and proposed. We married in 2010. The immigration process was tough, expensive, and stressful but I always said it was worth it. He really is a great guy who has done nothing but loved me. I feel like our marriage is mostly happy. We enjoy being with each other, we get along really well, but then here I am thinking about women all the time. He knew I had crushes on women celebrities, I wasn't afraid to tell him, and after a rough night I recently came out as "bisexual" to him. We have been having a hard time since then. I have cried almost every day and he has seems to be kind of distant from me. He gets quiet and short tempered every once in a while. He just texted me from work saying he has been depressed and "thinking of you with another women isn't helping. I don't know where I stand." He says he wants to know what I want. I don't know what I want. Thinking of not being with him is killing me, but I feel like denying this part of me is hurting me as well. And I don't want him to feel like he's with someone who isn't sexually attractive to him, I can understand why that would hurt. We have done so much to be able to get married to start with. I don't have many close friends, I only have 3 at the moment and he's one of them, the girl I hooked up with in high school is another, and my gay male co-worker is another. I know they would be supportive I just don't know if it's appropriate to talk to them about it. My family pretty much doesn't talk to me ever since they found out I was Atheist, and they are all homophobic AND against marriage separation. This is also hard for me because I am a huge LGBTQA supporter, always cheering for people that are out and proud, but yet I don't know how to deal with it myself.
Do you what you think is right, but I do think you need to sit down and talk with your husband. Let it be a calm conversation and just stay true to yourself. Good luck!!!!!!!
Jesus I don't even know what to say. Just talk to your husband, tell him the truth, including how trapped this is making you feel. I could never imagine being in your situation. Girl, you are so strong for going through all this already, take some time to appreciate how well you've done.
I did it. I talked to my husband. That was so hard. We both cried but he is so understanding. We hugged for ages, crying, talking. I feel both relieved and now just confused and so so sorry and like I'm a terrible person. He knew that something just wasn't quite right, and says he's excited to just be my best friend. I guess I couldn't have had a better reaction. I'm just still a little shocked. We are still going to live together and slowly adjust to a different life so that this experience isn't too traumatic and so we can get support from one another in the meantime. We are already talking about what we will do with the animals (our babies) and the one computer we have, the car, the life... it's all so hard to do. We weren't very financially secure as a couple, always trying to move out of the worse neighborhood here but not being able to afford it. We want to continue to work together financially until we're stable as individuals. We just care about each other and don't want the other person to end up in a bad situation. As I said, we are best friends. He is even talking about how he will defend me if any of his friends try to talk crap, when they do find out what's going on. I am very thankful for this support from him. I can't believe it. I still can't even get myself to use the words "lesbian" or "gay" out loud. I just stared at those words for so long.
Congratulations. Come check out the LGBT Later in Life board if you haven't already. There are a lot of us who have been or are in opposite sex marriages. I am divorced from a man myself. What is your relationship like with the friend you hooked up with in high school?
