1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Family Pressure (they knooooowww!)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Saint Otaku, Sep 8, 2013.

  1. Saint Otaku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2013
    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, USA
    Background:
    Alright, so as some of you may know, I identify as a Christian, although one constantly wavering between doubt and certainty on account of my sexuality. I am fully aware of my sexuality and quite content with it, despite being closeted. To my parents -- who are Southern Baptists -- I have never acted particularly masculine, am straight but believe in Pauline celibacy, bought Hill's Washed and Waiting so I could "better understand my gay friends," and have major disagreements with the traditional church. So much of what my parents know of me are but constantly reinforced half-truths.

    The Problem:
    Alright, so on account of mainly directing a play and constantly working, I've been grumpy. I've also been a bit more vocal on my "moderate-liberal opinions." Now my parents have asked this before, mainly due to my proclamation of celibacy, but today I was alone in the car with my dad and stepmom, and they sprung upon me the "We think you're gay (struggling with your sexuality as they put it)" for the above reasons. Now I ended up telling them I was straight, but didn't have strong attractions to anyone, and I had been becoming more empathetic. So they ended up not sounding too convinced at my explanation, giving me the "We'll still love you but not agree with you" phrase. Now they really have become a bit more sensitive, as my dad actually acknowledged his past bigotry, but they don't agree with homosexuality.

    My Reasons:
    While to some this may have been the perfect coming-out situation which I so blatantly wasted, I have reasons: 1) I want to come out to whom I want to, not to be forced; 2) I don't want to become my parents' "purification experiment," as I pretty much embrace my sexuality and don't view it as a struggle; 3) while I've never been treated like my siblings, I'd most assuredly be even more alienated; 4) if the opportunity ever did come up to explore my romantic or even friendly relations with guys, my parents would likely oppose; 5) there's always the possibility of this getting about the family or worse, around our small town.

    So now you know my situation. My greatest fear now is continued pressure. Any advice or opinions are welcome!
     
  2. UIOP

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2013
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Well, it is great that your parents are saying that they will be supportive of you even if they don't agree with homosexuality. Personally, I don't see why you should have to come out to them - you have the right to come out to whoever you want to and whenever you feel most comfortable doing so. If you would like to come out to your parents, feel free to do so. But don't feel forced into doing anything you don't want to do, that's my advice :slight_smile:
     
  3. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Two positives here (i) they brought it up with you presumably to clear the air one way or another ... so they have been maybe discussing how to negotiate with you (ii) you say your father has acknowledged his past bigotry - which is a major step.

    But I also agree, you should come out when you think you are ready and when you are comfortable about it. It might be best a few years down the line, maybe after you have left home (if you think there will be negative consequences).
     
  4. Saint Otaku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2013
    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, USA
    Yeah, I was planning to take the cowardly move and come out right when I went to college or some time around there, since I'll be starting on a clean, adult slate on which I could be completely honest; my parents will have little to no room to interfere in that situation. I suppose I'm luckier than some, but the pressure they give me is extremely stressful. I really don't want to become their object of pity for my "corrupted sexuality."