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how do i tell my mom that my boyfriend has HIV?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by whatanuki, Sep 8, 2013.

  1. whatanuki

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    Hi, im 23, living with a room mate and i recently moved my mom in with us so i dont know how long i can keep this from her. Im currently negative for HIV, but my boyfriend is positive. We practice every precaution and i dont think him being positive is a good enough excuse to break up with him. If anyone can give me some advice, please let me know. I've been searching the internet for helpful advice but ive yet to find any.
     
  2. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC!

    I'd just say you'll need to sit down with her and tell her. You basically should say the following bits in the follow order.

    1. You have something important to tell her, and you need to make sure she listens to the whole thing.
    2. Your boyfriend is HIV+.
    3. You are HIV-.
    4. You both are taking every step to ensure you remain HIV-.
    5. She will not contract HIV through casual contact. (She might know this, but it'll be worth repeating.)
    6. You might show her some websites explaining how HIV is transmitted, and what (not) to worry about when living with someone with HIV.

    Lex
     
  3. Chip

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    If you take every precaution (condoms for everything, no contact with his blood or semen), then the chances of your becoming HIV+ are pretty low. The problems come with accidents... condom breakage, he cuts himself and you get a little into a small cut on your hand, that sort of thing.

    I know several mixed-status couples where the hiv- one has stayed hiv- over years. I also know one couple where the hiv- one became hiv+, but they weren't always as cautious as you should be.

    As far as your mom... that's up to you. Arguably his HIV status is none of her business, but if your mom's living there, then arguably it's worthwhile for her to know in case of some emergency situation or something.
     
  4. whatanuki

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    Thanks Lex, Chip. I guess at this point it's just working up the nerve to tell her. I asked if my boyfriend would come over when i told her. Do you think that would hurt or help to have him there?
     
  5. greatwhale

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    I'm trying to imagine, as a parent, how I would feel if a boyfriend came over about whom my son has just disclosed this unpleasant fact. Instinctively, I would not be happy at that moment. I would counsel he not show up for a while. Whether or not she is knowledgeable about HIV, your boyfriend has become a threat, and most parents, whether they want to or not, will react instinctively to protect.

    How is her relationship with him? How do you think it will change with this knowledge?

    Have the written results of your HIV-neg status ready for her to see, this will be worth a thousand reassurances.

    As for your mixed status, you need to know that he is taking his meds with absolute and consistent adherence. If that is the case, his serology should be "undetectable", next, make sure the condoms are verified before and after, and if there is an accident, make sure you know where to go to get the PEP treatments immediately.

    There are other options available to you and I hope you are working with your boyfriend's health professionals to find the best options for you.

    All of these precautions should attenuate any concerns your mother may have.

    Best of luck, and be careful!