Hi there! I'm going to apologize in advance for how long this post is going to be, but there you go. I've been friends with this girl online for six months, we've been becoming closer as the months have gone on and we're both comfortable with one another in spite of the age differences (I'm nearly 17, she's going to be 22 this year) however lately I've been feeling that I definitely want to be more than friends but the only problem is that she identifies as straight but can see herself falling in love with the right woman. She knows I identify as a lesbian (though I'd prefer not to label myself, but sometimes it's just easier, y'know?) and is completely accepting about it. I want to tell her how I feel but I'm terrified and another problem is we live so far away from one another (I live in GB, her in Canada) that I have no idea how it would work anyway. But the thing is I'm getting hints that she 'may' want me to, but I have also no idea if this is me overreacting or getting hopeful which is of course always possible with me and my wishful thinking :eusa_doh: She is extremely kind to me and we tease each other constantly, as well as that lately she calls me more than a friend/close friend she calls me her 'bond' and so we've started referencing to one another as 'bonds' which her friend in particular thinks is very sweet. One time she was feeling sad and so I wrote her something that said how much I thought she was great and called it a 'love essay' (I was sweating buckets just even typing it I was that nervous) which made her feel much better and a few weeks later we were talking and she said she was going to write me one the night I was away from her but she got so emotional she burst into tears because she was honestly so emotional that she didn't know how else to talk about what she was feeling. She later on said she was going to include the 'love essay' with what she was sending me for my birthday in a few months time. Naturally I was over the moon as never has someone done this for me before, so it was very overwhelming and I got quite shy. Then later on like maybe a week ago I decided to try and make it more known that I liked her and started complimenting her, calling her gorgeous and cute whenever I could. She took this rather well and paid me compliments back, even going as far as getting annoyed when I teased that I was on best average looking, something she argued until I finally relented. We also say we love each other all the time and one time I forgot and she got upset until I remembered and finally said it, saying that it didn't matter if we said it fifty times a day because it doesn't make it mean less of anything. Saturday because of time zones I ended up falling asleep while talking to her and woke up at 4am, angry at myself so I rushed back online and saw that she had made a few posts saying how she thought I had fallen asleep at the laptop and how cute that was and so when I arrived back she made a few posts saying that I had and that I was the cutest. It gave me the biggest butterflies and that was before I stayed up with her at 4am HER time and she told me that I made her feel special and nobody had done that for her for a long time and that a lot of times she would think of me and smile randomly until her mother asked what was wrong. You can imagine after that I was practically dying with embarrassment because me, making another person feel that way? Strange! So I guess you can say I'm quite confused. I don't know what to think or feel and I'd really appreciate it if you guys could help me out a little. :help:
Tell her exactly how you feel. It sounds like she's flirting with you, hoping that you'd catch on and ask her. Since she's told you she's straight she probably is really shy about her feelings for her but perhaps if you initiate it things will go easy.
I really do want to! But it's hard because she'll say things like 'and this is why I haven't dated anyone for so long and probably won't for a while' when it comes to things like she's feeling sad/angry/etc and I just feel unsure on what to do then. I say things like 'don't worry, you'll get there' but then she just says she's being snarky and she doesn't really mind not being in a relationship but sometimes I feel as though she's just saying it.
Today we talked about this guy who used to be really creepy with me and I said 'I just want to be loved' and she responded that there was plenty of time for that and I can't help but think maybe I was wrong, maybe she doesn't want me, I'm just so confused
