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I'm very bad at dating, could you please give me exhaustive advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Straight ally, Sep 10, 2013.

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  1. Straight ally

    Straight ally
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    If we begin counting from 13years old till today (i currently have 22) that is 9 years of no sexual or romantic activity, social awkardness, more specifically dating awkardness...hell! I dont even know how making out feels :bang:. And i had enought of my being scared and passive about dating :angry: , i want to actually upgrade myself, i want to take action !

    So i want help... I need help actually...

    In this thread i will be asking questions related to dating and i hope for lots of brainstorming and tons of advice ( i will need quite a lot actually)... No matter how simple your answer i will be very thankful.

    Here goes my first hypothetical question/scenario:

    I just had a good conversation with a nice lady, she laughted, she was interested. We are saying goodbye/we are about to say good bye...what should i do now? Ask her her cell number or what? How?

    The question is simple, and simple answers are ok, but the more detailed you can be the better...never assume i should know something, quite the contrary assume i dont know the obvious. If you feel inspired to write, write and write as much as you want.

    Thank you in advance for your answers :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Straight ally, Sep 10, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2013
  2. James1991

    James1991 Guest

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    You want honest advise? Well honestly, all the cliches out there are the only bits if advice that ever did me any good, for example: communication is key, and be yourself. All my attempts at dating were miserable failures in high school because i felt i had to be someone other than me in order to get someone to like me. Then at 19 I said screw it! I'm going to be as me as I can possibly be. I met someone, and on the first date I told him I thought poop jokes were always funny, proceeded to tell him the most crass example that came to mind, and we ended up being together for a year and a half, and it was the healthiest dating experience I've ever had. Opening myself up to someone that unabashedly, I loved it.

    Be yourself unapologetically. Relationships are full of compromise, but any relationship where you feel that you have to compromise your morals or yourself as a person isn't worth your time.

    ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2013 at 07:50 PM ----------

    PS, yes! Ask for her number!
     
    #2 James1991, Sep 10, 2013
  3. Californiacoast

    Californiacoast
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    Ask questions. Listen! Straight guys are notorious for talking about themselves too much on a date. Lean in. Ask for the number. Breathe. Respect her. Play a little hard to get, but not too aloof. Be yourself. I wouldn't tell fart jokes on the first date, lol.
     
    #3 Californiacoast, Sep 11, 2013
  4. James1991

    James1991 Guest

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    Yeah, it was only out of sheer luck doing that ended up working out for me, Lol! I've done everyone a favor and grown up a bit since then, haha
     
    #4 James1991, Sep 11, 2013
  5. Californiacoast

    Californiacoast
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    Oh James, it is all good! I was talking general advice. I have worked in the medical industry for years and we have a saying that all conversations lead to poop...it's kinda true, lol. I am super glad it worked for you. I get your point that you let your guard down enough to just enjoy yourself and have fun. I think that is great advice.
     
    #5 Californiacoast, Sep 11, 2013
  6. srslywtf

    srslywtf
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    I think its really about letting your guard down and just being as honest about yourself as you can be... dont think 'what will impress them' etc.. It's very hard.. but just let yourself be seen.

    And 22 is nothing, I'm 27 and only finally getting OK at this.. so you're not even allowed to complain yet :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Basically in the situation you mentioned here is what I would do:

    1) Can you see them again somehow? eg if its a person who works in a shop, u can go back again next week or something, and talk again.

    If its not a situation like that/or once you've done that - just say something like "would you like to get a drink sometime" or something like that.. be clear and confident.. act like you wouldn't care what the answer would be, like it is no big deal.
     
    #6 srslywtf, Sep 12, 2013
  7. Straight ally

    Straight ally
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    With being a better version of myself i mean being myself in a better way, not being another person. What do i mean? There are things that are primary part of my personality( the music i like, my moral,what activities i like, things i enjoy, thing i hate...), changing those intentionally is becoming 'not you'. On the other hand changing secondary irrelevant things is becoming a different version of yourself... Particulary, changing bad things, makes you a better version of yourselve, you are still you, but improved....for example i want to be more confident, improving my social and dating skills, saying what i want to say, being less clingy and attached and dependant. See, i can make all those changes without compromising my personal core of being.

    But yes, being apologetically me is one of those things i want to do more, actually, being more confident is linked to this authenticity you spoke off. And i actually needed to remember it, as it sometimes can escape...

    Thanks :slight_smile:

    I wont tell those kind of jokes :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:... What kind of questions?

    I have to work on that... Mean i dont go into 'what will impress her...' Much, but what do happen is that i shy out, i fear showng myself, so i can get kind of quiet sometimes, or igo in'will this be ok, will she notmlike me for liking this or that, how is she judging me' you know, general selfconciousness is my problem. While most guys go blantaly and hastely outside their caves waving some club while screaming , i have the contrary problem, i hide inside the cave...but im slowly learning how to come out of my shell just that still kind of awkard at it.

    ---------- Post added 12th Sep 2013 at 07:19 AM ----------

    The advices are going pretty well, i hope it keeps up like that.... Thanks guys :slight_smile:

    ... I will wait to see if i get more answers and then i will continue with more questions.
     
    #7 Straight ally, Sep 12, 2013
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