Hai guys So recently, about a week ago, I just went to high school, and it has been more or less the same as middle school, just an earlier wakeup time and more walking :lol:. The thing is, though, that I feel like I have no friends. Granted, I am friendly with some of my peers, but not friendly enough to sit with them at lunch. I did try to befriend one kid and sit with him, but he has already established a circle of friends from his middle school that goes to this school whereas I'm the only person from my school that went to the high school. His table has no spot for me so I have to sit at a table farther away by myself. I do want to befriend his friends, but I feel like I would be annoying them, and I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I just feel like an outsider looking in. Everywhere I turn I see people with at least one other person they know, and I just crave the feeling of friendship that everyone I see has. It just feels as if I'm so close to making friends, yet it also seems so unreachable at the same time. My anxiety also makes it hard to make friends even though I'm trying. I don't know, I only want to find some people I can talk to, people I can truly be me around, you know? It's hard to make friends also because of my extreme shyness. It's nigh impossible for me to go up and talk to people because I constantly stress about how people think of me, and I have this thing where I think I can hear people talking badly about me behind my back. I really can only talk to people if I'm forced to or if they come up to me first. I'm really sorry about the wall of text, but I feel so lost! Does anybody have advice for me? It's so depressing to look at groups of friends being all happy and carrying on friendly banter, something I wish I had. It feels like I'm trapped in a bubble where I can see out, but no one can see in.
Based on your username, I'm guessing you play violin, so do you have a music class or participate in any in-school, music-based extracurricular activity? You could try to befriend people there and hope that they're in your lunch period. It might be easier for you to start a conversation with other musicians because you share something in common. You could also consider doing other extracurricular activities. Try finding clubs that interest you. The more students you get to know via those clubs, the more likely you will find a club member in your lunch period.
Unfortunately I don't have a music class, and I honestly have no idea if I have an in-school music program, which I should check. I also don't know any of the clubs offered because it's only been a week so they haven't announced any clubs or where they meet *sigh*. I think the real problem with me is that I always feel uncomfortable around new people, especially if they are in a group. I feel that I am intruding upon something I should have no part of. I am afraid that I'll get rejected, and if I did get rejected, that would crush me. It sucks because I do really want to integrate myself in a social circle, but I know I would feel like an outsider, that I shouldn't be there.
Those girls who dress like they don't care, have strong opinions, and wear angry faces quite a bit -- those are the feminists, and have been my best friends throughout high school, and can likely be yours. A serious word of advice from the inside: when a quiet person approaches a "group," it's awkward, not going to lie at all. BUT, when that quiet person opens up and contributes to the conversation, questions will be asked, first-time crushes formed, and you'll likely be ordained into the group. Just don't stay silent, we love intelligent talk, we adore it, we crave it. And as the cliche goes, "Be yourself."
This was really informative, thank you for that ! But I have to ask, how exactly should I go up and start talking to a group without being too awkward?
Hmmm, that is a problem. Try to get in a group with them if you have classes with any of them. Group projects rarely are on-topic, the opportunity for conversation is abundant! The easiest likely way to meet friends is by "clinging," where you cling onto a friend till you're introduced into the group, but it sounds like you might not yet have a friend to cling to. Just try to work your way to making new friends, you'll find that close-knit group of core friends someday. Friendship isn't really a methodical process, it just happens as you talk -- it isn't something you pursue, but you must be open to it. I mean, I progressed from my clique of loud-spoken nerdy girls of about 10 friends to my current liberal and sharp-minded group of 4, including myself, which didn't quite take shape till sophomore and junior year. Be patient and be open, all comes with time.
