I've stated this numerous times on this site before, but I recently went through a period of my life where I believed I was asexual. During this time, I came out to my friends and family as asexual and planned on eventually starting a relationship with an asexual woman. Now, however, I realize that I am not asexual, but gay. Ever since I realized that I'm gay and not asexual, I've been struggling with major depression and internalized homophobia, and long story short: I'm not ready to come out yet. But everyone still thinks I'm asexual and planning on eventually starting a relationship with an asexual (or even heterosexual) woman. Today, I told my speech therapist that I've been struggling with depression, but I didn't tell her why. She seems to think that it's just the typical depression that people experience when transitioning to adulthood, and she still thinks I'm asexual and planning on eventually starting a relationship with a girl. So now, in addition to a myriad of other things she's doing to try to help me get over my depression, she's pushing me to start looking into a relationship with a girl. So, I don't know what to do in this situation. At this point, I really don't feel comfortable telling her I'm gay, but I also need to let her know that pursuing a relationship with a girl isn't an option. But I don't know how to do that without telling her I'm gay. :help:
First and foremost, the only person you need to absolutely come out to is YOU. Don't worry about telling anyone else the right thing until you're comfortable saying it to yourself. After that, I would start with the therapist. Tell her that in your searching and exploring of yourself, this is the point you've come to. A therapist should have a pretty good understanding of what is going through your mind if they're going to be helping you with something. You don't have to tell her more than that. Anyone else is privileged to know, so don't worry about rushing around and informing people. They don't need to know anything more than you're happy and comfortable telling them. What can we do with your internalised homophobia? Tell me about what makes you think you've internalised any homophobia?
Hey, thanks for your response. I feel like I've got internalized homophobia because I see straight guys getting turned on by girls and I envy them more than anything. You know that feeling when you find out that your friend just got the new car you want so badly and you just want to run down to the nearest car dealer and get that car yourself? That's how I feel whenever I see straight guys getting turned on by girls or talking about how hot a certain girl is. And whenever I see a hot guy I get frustrated that it's a guy turning me on instead of a girl. In addition to that, the thought of telling someone I'm gay is so awkward and embarrassing that I just don't think I could be in the same room with someone or look them in the eye after telling them.
Is it homophobia, or are you just longing for a "normal" life? The idea of coming out is awkward and embarrassing for everybody, if for no other reason than because it's so personal. It's harder if you've already done it, but identified as something else. You know what, though...it's okay to change your perception of yourself. There is nothing wrong with evolving as a person. (*hug*)
