I'm a lesbian in the closet. In eigth grade I realized I was a lesbian and I was really scared. I built up the confidence and told three of my bestfriends. After that, everything was easier and I was as confident as ever. One of my gay friends convinced me to come out to my mom. I agreed knowing she would support me considering she has gayfriends. It was January of this year and I decided I wanted to do it. It felt right and I paced around my room for a while before going downstairs. I told her and she goes "what!?" I stood there and we had a small conversation until I started bawling. She continued to question and shecalled me messed up and disgusting. She also said gay was nothing anyone should be proud of and it is a perversion and disfunction. She then outed me to a few of her friends, my grandparents and my dad who i lovee so much Let me make note that I have a large past of physical and emotional abuse. I remember getting hit as early as 1st grade, getting bloody lips and being thrown up against walls. As a matter of fact there is a hole in my wall because I would run and hide in my room but she would alwaysget the door open and it would get slammed through the drywall. The weird thing is is that she flaunts and brags about it wth friends. Shell laugh and joke about hitting me and her friends will be like haha nice. She also makes many gay jokes out in public . I'm almost sure she knows in gay and how much it tears me apathy since a day afteri wad out she pretty much forced me back in the closet. For example- I was at a friends party and my.mom wad helping.out. his mom got new patio furniture and it was orange blue green red and yellow stripes and summery and cutesy. There are also no girls there just boys. She sais this your coming out party? To my friend and laughs Everyone is staring. She then continues to mock "mom dad I have something to tell you" which is what I said I was mortified. I only have a few friends now that highschool started because of my severe depression and tendancy to push people away because j I fear them leaving me and me getting left in the dark again.I feel like I am so allow right now and I have no where to turn without my parents finding out.
Search for a LGBT phone helpline next time you're online, I don't know what country you're in but in Australia there are numerous free to call counselling services which can help you out. Also see if there are any teachers or school staff who are LGBT friendly at your high school, they may also be able to help you - even if it's just having someone to talk to who will understand and make you feel safe - it can make a huge difference. Just remember this won't last forever - you'll be able to move away when your older and make the decision whether or not to continue spending time with your Mum. And also remember that you are a valuable human being before anything else with plenty to contribute to the world.. don't give up hope There are lots of people out there who will accept you for who you are.
