First Coming out Anniversery, Still don't know how to deal with parents

Your mom seems to be in denial. There is nothing you can do about it except to be patient and quit blaming yourself. Focus more on what is in your control.

Btw, it's so awesome your dad is accepting. Maybe you could share your feelings with him regarding the whole situation?

 

I've seen some previous posts by you regarding the issue of wanting to give your parents (mom) a grandchild or grandchildren, so it seems to be a big source of angst for you. There are two major points I would like to make in regards to that: a). you still can have a family and adopt or do a surrogacy pregnancy AND b). having children is a personal decision and it cannot be done simply because we want to give our parents grandchildren--they're not the ones raising them--you (and your spouse) would be, so regardless of orientation, the decision to have children is one that has to be you and your spouses, not your parents. Also, your parents should love an adopted grandchild just the same, have you asked them how they feel about adoption? If not, how do you know your mom wanted be delighted by the idea? Also, if you feel you want biological children, look into surrogacy when the time is right--the child would be biologically yours. Personally, when my spouse and I are ready for children, I am delighted by the idea of adopting and giving a child a chance in this world who may otherwise not have good prospects. In a world of 7 billion and growing, I have no real desire to produce my own offspring (it would likely be the same if I were heterosexual).

What do you think about the above? Does it sound reasonable and perhaps ease your tensions in this area?

 

If you ever do talk to your mom about this again, just remind her that the world is a very different place for gay people today than it was when she was young. We are entering a world where we have the same capabilities as straight couples. We can get married and have kids and raise a family in just the same way. Don't think of being gay as being an end to that dream, think of it as a minor edit. Instead of the woman she saw you marry, it will be a man. You can still live the life she wants for you, but you're gonna do it in your own way. That's how I explained it to my parents and they started to understand better.

 

A lot of the time with parents, time is what's really needed. Because for your parents, or mostly your mom in this case, they've built up this entire image of the person you'll end up being. Things like sexual orientation and having a wife and kids may not seem like a major thing to you, but for a parent, it can be a very large part of their image of the future you. So in a sense, through your coming out to them, the person they have built up in their minds has, for all intents and purposes, died. That's not to make you feel bad, though. Your mom is likely still mourning the future she wanted you to have. And that's okay. Like all grief, it will pass, and it'll be much better than she thinks because you are actually still in her life. It's been that way for my father as well. While he hasn't been so insistent on his idea of a heterosexual future for me, I still sense he is somewhat mourning the me he envisioned. But I think more and more as time passes he has become more accepting of it.

Now it sounds like it's been a while since you actually came out to them. While a year may seem like a long time for your mom to accept that you're gay, you have to remember that everybody grieves differently and for different periods of time. As stated above, try talking with her. It may speed up her acceptance. But even if it doesn't seem like it, I think that given time, she will come to terms with it, and embrace you for who you are.