Hey, I know I've posted about this before and there are so many posts like this but I'm just so lost and feeling so lonely without him. My friend and I are really close but I'm not sure of his orientation and I'm just torturing myself thinking about it. -He always calls me babe and sometimes calls me dear, sunshine, sweetypie and he constantly says he loves me. -Whenever I'm mad at him for doing something wrong, he gets flirtatious. He hugs me or kisses my cheek says his sorry in a puppydog way. And one time he goes all apologetic and says, "Baby, I love you" -When we go out, he gets very touchy. We were at a party once and he put his arm around me and kept squeezing my shoulder with his hand playfully. -We were talking pervertedly once and he said my picture got him horny. Wasn't sure if he was joking around or not -We started university and he wants us to live together in a dorm or something. -He has a girlfriend but he once told me he wanted to leave her. And her and him always sleep at the same time but he always stays awake to play games with me online. (He tells me if she finds out, shell punch him) -When we are alone at his house, sometimes he would moon me. Smack my ass. Pretend to hump me from behind. And one time he gave me a hicky on my neck. -He grabbed my hand and put it on his penis, when I pulled away he just laughed and laughed. I didnt touch it. He was wearing jeans but still I pulled away before I actually reached that area. -Many touchy moments like that. -There was a picture (an emoticon) of a girl and boy kissing with a heart over them. He said that Im the girl and he's the guy. So I'm like: And we are kissing? So he said: What does it look like? -.- -He says "as a joke" that he has a sixth sense, a feeling, that Im gay. We live in a homophobic area so I said: If you think Im gay why you still talk to me?...And he said: Idk (a) (He put the angel face) If I remember more I'll put more...but I really need help on this. Many people told me they think he is gay but im worried of I try something...it would ruin everything and im just thinking too much about this and I need help here. Please what do you guys think?
From what you say, it does sound like he could be gay, we can advise you all you want but in the end you're the only one who can decide weither or not you want to risk your friendship for something more.
If you aren't officially out to him, I think it would be the first thing to do. It sounds like he would likely be accepting based off everything he has said. If he isn't accepting, he wasn't really a good friend in the first place. You can address whether your relationship is strictly platonic or not after you get comfortable being out to him. From what you said, he might bring it up himself. Also are you out to anyone else? It would be good to have another person IRL who you can talk to should you need the extra support after coming out to him.
To me it sounds like he is flirting with you and I agree that maybe you should come out to him I have a feeling he has been doing this to get you to come out to him so he can tell you the same thing.. I say this because you say you live in a homophobic area so maybe he is looking for someone so he is not alone
+1 to coming out to him. He sounds playful and may actually be bi or even straight; some straight guys are total teases, even more if they suspect you're gay. Tell him you're getting mixed messages and you want to talk to him directly (preferably in private so he doesn't get nervous). That said, if he really is interested in you, he's going to have to first deal with his girlfriend so that you don't become his "mistress", where he can have things both ways (appearing straight because he has a girlfriend but still going out with guys).
I know this won't be the norm opinion on here, but I had one hitting on me last year like he wanted me so after a while I got tired of it and just told him privately I wanted to play with him if he ever wanted to it was more than OK anytime he was ready. Well about 2 weeks later we became FWB and he left his GF of a half decade during that year we played as he realized he wanted a woman more like me for his happiness. Tell him as what is the worst that can happen? June
All you have to do is ask him if he is Gay. If he is, and if you are interested in him, then it's the start of something good. Knowing you are in a Homophobic area, it's best to stay at home to do things. If you go out, don't be (for lack of better words) "touchy", or else people will try to (for lack of better words) "stop" it. If you need any other advice, I'm here.
Ask him if he's gay? Definitely not an option anymore because I told him many many times that he can trust me with whatever he wants and with any secret. One time I stupidly, but honestly, said the words "even if you are gay, it wouldnt matter to me" and his reply was just normal or "good to know (a)" Come out to him? That is actually one of my biggest fears. The possibility of him not being gay and just changing our relationship is just a lot to bear. Anyway thank you all for your answers even if you said you cant really advise me, I was just looking for any opinion or support. Thanks
Update: Ok so yesterday I had a friend over to watch a movie late at night. (Wasn't the guy mentioned up there, the friend who came was a girl)...the next day I was talking to my best friend (the guy mentioned up there). He asked me why I stayed up so late yesterday. My words were "Friend came over to watch a movie". Out of nowhere, he assumed that the friend who came over was a guy and he said, "did he do anything to you (a)" with an angel face. I asked, "did he do anything like what?"...You know just to get some details out ...But his response was "Idk (a)"...so I said "then it's none of ur business" He just said, "So that means he did (a)" and he changed the subject quickly. Never had a conversation like that with any known straight guys...What does this mean?
Any opinions on the updated part?? Plus, today he asked me if I watched a movie with my "friend" again...I said that I did not see the friend that night...and his only answer was "Good (a)" with that angel face. Anything?
I really think reading your original post that he is at least bi, but IMO he is probably gay. I wish I had some experience with gay guys to go on, but I have over 20 years experience with straights and sex/ relationships and a couple bi's and this guy is not even close in behavior to the norm I have run into. First clue you give is all the "baby", "dear", etc talk is not usual for a straight to use for a guy. For an example Mike my partner has rarely called me by a term of endearment and we are rounding a year as a couple. This is typical for most I have dated. Now my FWB before him would rarely call me Junebug, or Junnie when he was being playful. Next is kissing! Even though they view me as female, I have yet to be kissed on the mouth, or even have one suggest it, not even dressed as a female will they do it. It's a taboo thing across the board with every straight guy I have been with and that is a fairly large number. They can be romantic, and do the usual things like candy, flowers, cards, jewelry, and so on and most show off regularly to get me to notice that he is "THE MAN"! No straight has ever wanted to look the front of me, or touch it, as I have to keep it hidden when possible. Some it is more taboo than others. The bi guys wanted to look and do more. As for what to expect from one sex wise: Only what can be done with a woman ie give them head is the #1 request and usuially right away, some cuddle, most want anal with them top only, and to be best friends close. Your guy sounds way too touchy feelly to be straight IMO, but could be bi as in my limited bi experience they were more touchy feelly. It sounds like he has dibs on you as he is so worried what you might be getting sex from other guys bothers him before he works the nerve up to ask. So why not make it more easy on him in a subtle way? Oh the putting your hand down there on him has been done by lots of straight guys to me so that one may be across the board. Also many have rubbed the outline of it hard for me to notice as to get me turned on before propositioning me. I guess to see if I was interested in looking, therefore I would be interested in blowing it I think is the mentality behind that as guys fear rejection. Even as a teen I have never been dry-humped by a guy. That is just plain weird behavior I have not run into. That is some perimeters I have noticed over the years of typical straight guy behavior who wants to play around sexually and I hope that may help you figure him out. He really sounds like he likes you a lot, but you must be sure it is more than in a brotherly way. Good Luck! June
