I don't know who I love...my best friend or my girlfriend. (LONG READ ALERT)

I have 3 very important people in my life: My girlfriend, CJ, my best friend, Jay, and his girlfriend, AJ (FYI these are all nicknames for my friends as to not put out real names here) It started out with me hanging out with Jay then asking out CJ. Jay was kind of the third wheel until AJ was sent from the heavens to be his soulmate.

But anyways, CJ and I believe we were meant for each other as do Jay and AJ. I can't go a day without seeing her and I can't imagine life without her. I think CJ is my future wife and she thinks I am her future husband. I may be 17 years old but dammit, I LOVE her! I mean it.

But my best friend and I have grown so close though that I can't be without him either. Hell, I can hardly go a few hours without seeing him OR AJ for that matter. While CJ brings the tenderness and the love, Jay and AJ bring this crazy-as-hell aspect to my life that I can't be without.

Anyways...on to the issue at hand. Now, one thing about the 4 of us being so close is we're very comfy with one another. And one night, this led to a "tag team match" as we call it nowadays. We were all virgins when this happened and we spent the night experimenting. This also led to my first truly gay experience. While Jay was eating AJ, CJ urged me to insert myself into Jay. This led to us trying things out on each other at the request of our very aroused girlfriends.

After this night, Jay and I got even closer. But on a separate night when I was staying at his house, things got really hot and we ended up having sex. Like not even messing around or "experimenting"...it was full blown SEX. We decided that'd we tell CJ and AJ about what happened. Both of them were amused by it but not worried at all.

I'm not so worry-free. I used to say very confidently that I love Jay; not as a lover/significant other, but as a invaluable best friend. But now, I fear that I am beginning to view him as something more.

It seems quite obvious to me that Jay and I are bisexual. I mean, you don't do the things we did without being attracted to each other, right? But ever since the "tag team match" I've been having sex with CJ a lot. AJ and Jay go at it even more often than we do. Although Jay and I masturbate together (even jacking each other off sometimes), see each other naked all the time, and even take showers together every once in a while, we have never come close to that night we had sex.

But now I'm starting to wonder about who I need in my life more: CJ or Jay? I can picture myself spending my life with either one of them, honestly. I am just soooo f***ing confused!

I talked to AJ before I talked to Jay. I don't wanna worry CJ. She said there's nothing wrong with having a very close best friend. I don't think she realizes how much I love him though. And she also said I should be cautious as to how I act with Jay because we both agreed he doesn't seem to have as strong as feelings as I do.

But when I spoke with Jay, he said he's been feeling more or less the same way. He told me he loves AJ and wants to be with her but that he never ever wants to lose me. Now we're both confused as could be. We both dream of having families. I dream of waking up everyday laying next to AJ. But does the fact that I dream of living and being with Jay mean anything? I can't just ignore the fact that I get horny everytime I see him, can I? But I get aroused by the sheer thought of CJ? Why can't I make up my mind?

I hope I've been thorough enough with my issue. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in love with 2 freakin' people! If Jay is going to continue to get in the way of my relationship with CJ, should I make the ultimate sacrifice and break up such an amazing friendship? Or am I meant to be with Jay and should I downgrade my relationship with CJ?

:help:

 

Yep, Jay and I are seriously blessed with some extremely chill girlfriends lol. The 4 of us went out last night with 2 other couples. We were out until 2 or 3 in the morning. We were walking around holding hands, all 8 of us lol. I was holding both Jay and CJ's hands.