Before I get to my dilemma, a little exposition is in order. A few years ago, before I had even begun to question my sexual orientation, I met this woman through a group of friends and fell instantly in crush with her, but I was in an LTR at the time. So, I pushed the thought of ever having a chance with her to the back of my mind...unsuccessfully. Well, I got out of my relationship and I would keep running into her at various events and it was the classic story of bad timing, i.e. she was single, I was not and vice versa. This pattern continued until last month when I was at her mom's wedding and we started chatting, and it turns out that we both happened to be single. By the end of the night, we end up hooking up and thought we should give it a try dating(!). I thought my dreams had come true...(insert dramatic thunderclap). We've been out a few times and, while we have so much in common and she is very attentive, there's one BIG problem...I want to be with a man. I know that being bi means that I should just leave gender out of the equation and be with someone based on their personality, but I just can't get the thought out of my head. I don't want to end things with her, since we're just being casual right now, but I also don't want to get too involved in a relationship with someone who's not a man (sorry if that came off offensive). Plus she has a child and I'm not even close to being in a spot in my life where I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. I'm also worried that if I end things, I might lose many friends because of how intertwined our circles are. I just don't know what to do right now, and it's eating me up inside :help:. I've gotten what I've wanted for years and I want to tell myself to just be happy, but when I close my eyes and envision falling asleep with the love of my life...I'm not laying next to a woman in my mind. Sorry, that got pretty rant-y toward the end.
Perhaps I'm missing something here, but besides being compatible and having mutual friends, what reason do you have for moving forward with this woman if you realistically want to end up with a man down the road? It's important that you have some idea of where you'd like to see your relationship headed, and to voice those thoughts with her. If you're not sure, want to keep your options open, or don't see things working out down the road, I say sooner is better. There are far too many stories on EC of bisexual and gay men who were involved with women for years, to the point where their interest dwindled to nothing and they were miserable, and while this could happen in any relationship, a lot of them *knew* going in that they preferred men. If you think this could be you, save yourself both the pain, dishonesty, and regret, and slow down now, while you still can.
I agree with the above post. It's best to squash this quickly before anyone gets hurt. Just tell her the truth and that you'd still love to be friends (that way, you won't lost any friends). It might be awkward at first, but since it's casual, I'm sure she'll understand and move on.
Thanks for the responses. Gravechild, that is what I have been thinking but I was hoping there was another way around the situation.
