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Im in love with an ex-gay...help?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BlueEyedPride, Sep 16, 2013.

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  1. BlueEyedPride

    BlueEyedPride Guest

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    My best friend and I have been friends for about a year now and I have fallen in love with her, but I didn't realize it until now, when she told me that she is becoming a christian and giving up her feelings toward women. She said that we can still be friends and that she doesn't have anything against me, but that she has made her choice. She said she is going to live as a decibel to God or something and to do that, she can't be attracted to girls. So now, not only have I lost the only person I can talk to about all of this, but I have just lost the person I'm in love with, which I realized too little, too late. How am I supposed to get her to realize that suppressing her feelings will keep her from being happy? I know it will be hard because she has an extremely religious family, but until recently she has been fine being herself. Now, it's like she's a totally different person and I don't know how to talk to her anymore. It's not the same. I can see that she is not happy. What should I do? I'm afraid of telling her how I feel because she might reject me and become even more involved in this ex-gay program of hers. I just want her to be happy and I have told her that and she says that a relationship with god will make her happy, but I know her better than anyone else, and I KNOW she is not as bright and cheerful as she used to be. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to handle this? Oh My God I want to scream!!
     
    #1 BlueEyedPride, Sep 16, 2013
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    "...a decibel to God"?

    What would I suggest? Telling her "I honestly don't believe that these ex-gay programs work, but I hope you find happiness one way or the other." Then I'd cut contact and find some more supportive people to hang out with.

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Sep 16, 2013
  3. RainyViolinist

    RainyViolinist
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    I think she meant "disciple"... Anyways, I don't think you should just cut all contact with her, contrary to what Lexington said. I think you should talk to her and ask why she's doing what she's doing, reiterate that you want her to be happy. She may be trying to believe the ex-gay thing is working when, from what you say, it's not. Ask if she's sure she wants to keep going to that program even though you don't believe in its beliefs. About your feelings for her, I don't think I can really help you there. All I can say is just continue being a supportive friend and give her a shoulder to lean on. Hope this helps :slight_smile:.
     
    #3 RainyViolinist, Sep 16, 2013
  4. Steak is food

    Steak is food
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    Wow........

    You can't chose whether or not you are gay. Ex-gay programs can't work, it just doesn't work like that. I'd say tell her that and hope for the best. Don't cut her off as you may be able to convincer to change her mind in the long run but there is little one can do to save someone from religious crap like that. Once you get sucked in, that's basically it. It's a cancer.

    I'm sorry if this offends anyone, it just needs to be said.

    I am the realist.
     
    #4 Steak is food, Sep 16, 2013
  5. BlueEyedPride

    BlueEyedPride Guest

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    Thank you all, and about the disciple thing, yeah, that's what I meant, but i must have spelled it wrong and it corrected me.
    anyway, thanks again for your support, and by the way, I totally agree with what @Steak is food said about religion. I just don't want to accept that there is nothing I can do.
     
    #5 BlueEyedPride, Sep 16, 2013
  6. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Relationships aren't will-to-power. Both participants have to want to, and if one of them doesn't, that's the end of that, I'm afraid.

    Lex
     
    #6 Lexington, Sep 17, 2013
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