I write too much. My ex, we'll call her Brittney, and I broke up in July. It was mutual, I was going through a lot of thinking and doubts and she suggested it would be just better if we were friends, so I agreed. It was really rough for me, I barely ate; family almost forced me to eat. Barely slept. Cried at everything. I lost over 15lbs in less than a month. I didn't go out, I didn't do much of anything beyond internet and mope. I didn't talk to her for a few weeks so I could have time to get over it, she didn't understand why and thought I was doing it to be spiteful, despite explaining my reasoning; she kept messaging me at that time. About two weeks after she kissed this guy, we'll call him Bob. And, obviously, it only being a few weeks, I was very crushed and angry. So I come to find out they were dating on and off, and I ranted and raved like the Town Crier. I was so pissed. Like, wow. How could you even do something like that after such a short period of time? I confronted her about the whole situation, not just this dating thing, but about other things about the relationship and feelings. And things seemed to be ok. Then things got awkward because I was debating trying to get back with her, we kissed a few times (nothing super major). She really liked to emphasize the fact we were "just friends" - told me about Bob touched her breast and whatnot, I guess thinking I would totally be alright with that after only a few weeks? Then I went away to Florida and apparently they were messing around then too. Which killed any inkling of wanting to get back with her. Fast foward to now, Bob and Brittney are now together "officially", on Facebook and all that. A former friend of mine (call him Ted) actually defended me, my two other friends mentioned the status to me and I checked it out. And apparently there was a comment, which Ted would reiterate to me, about how she's so happy now and she wasn't happy before and blahblahblah. How she was SO depressed. I'm not saying that she wasn't, but she made it out to be that she was the only one suffering and feeling miserable all the time. So I'm sitting here, wondering, like "Well damn. If you weren't happy, why didn't you SAY SOMETHING?" I tried to open communication SO MANY TIMES and she would always say "Oh it's fine, everything's alright! We don't need to communicate more!" and that apparently I never cared or didn't care enough. Now I'm being made out to be the bad person, despite the fact it takes two to tango. I never blamed her for anything, but from what it sounds like she was just faking the relationship for a decent amount of time and is making it out to be all my fault. It's great because if I had known she felt this way I would have respected her for breaking it off earlier. I'm at a loss. I need to know how much of this was actually legitimate. I need some kind of closure. Knowing her, she won't actually try to have a dialogue, but I'm not having any of that. I want to lay all my cards on the table because I have nothing to lose at this point. I'm not the only person dealing with her now, a lot of my other friends aren't talking to her for personal reasons unrelated to my situation. They're just getting fed up with her attitude and her behaviors and how much she's changed into a not-so-nice person anymore. Should I confront her or let it be? Part of me wants to go at it full force, get the ACTUAL answers. I know it's gonna hurt like Hell, but the person I cared for couldn't even trust me enough to talk to me about our relationship? How do I know she wasn't trying to do things behind my back? I mean it's great that you're suddenly over it all, but thank you for even remotely considering the fact that I will see and hear and find things out and have to see it plastered everywhere? Even if people don't have advice it's okay, I just wanted to get my thoughts wrote down so I can actually sort it out in my mind.
I agree that what she did was horrible and wrong and very inconsiderate.. from what you have said what would you actually gain from confronting her and getting all worked up over someone who isn't worth your time.. your better then her and I think that you might end up getting hurt more because I don't think she is the same person that you fell in love with.. I was in a similar situation and I tried to talk and blah blah but I just kept getting hurt and it kept throwing me back into a depressed state.. I think you just need to remember your the bigger person and she isn't the same person you fell in love with and take your space.. I would cut communication and focus on yourself and work towards healing
Well, I will start off by saying that I do not think you should confront her. Closure is a necessity sometimes, but given this situation, it will not make you feel any better. The girl I made a thread about the other day, the one I used to date sounds just like your ex. They say that certain people who come into your life will either be for a reason, season or lifetime. It's up to you to determine which one she is to you. And please don't take this the wrong way, but some people enter into a relationship out of convenience and I am guilty of this, sadly. And like they say, "What goes around comes back around"; no truer words have ever been spoken. The girl I used to date didn't only treat me wrong because she pushed everyone away. And even though, I felt like I was being attacked personally, I cannot blame her. It was my fault because I put myself in an impossible situation, because I had this gut feeling that I'd be the one to get hurt. Not only that, I wonder if her feelings were really genuine for me because she gave up on us very easily. She didn't even fight for me and eventually, I felt like I was fighting for a lost cause. There was no way that I could compete with the history that she had with the father of her kids. After everything was said and done, we were friends or so I thought; it was more out of convenience for her (I used to babysit for her, so I would see her often.) I thought I knew the real her, but she was so phony. She made it seem like there was nothing going on with her and her kids father, but Facebook said otherwise. So, I decided to unfriend her because I was torturing myself. I was actually dating someone during the time that I worked for her, but I was still madly in love with her, she just didn't know it. And she used to do little things that drove me crazy, almost like she wanted me to make a move. However, I read her book before, so I knew how things would end, plus I had too much pride at that point in my life. Even after everything, my heart was shattered and she had no idea how much she hurt me. I became depressed, gained weight and didn't leave the house as much even though I was still dating this other girl. However, I broke things off because I was not in my right mind to be with anyone. Fast forward, I magically crawled out of my tunnel of deep depression and got my life back. I started eating healthier, working out and now, things couldn't be any better. I'm sorry that I turned this talking about myself, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I agree with bazinga91; you need to just cut ties with her even though I know it's easier said than done. You deserve so much better and you will soon realize that One more thing, I'll post the Reason, Season, Lifetime poem on your wall and add you as a friend (*hug*)
Well, I did wind up talking to her (I didn't get these responses until tonight, after we talked I just went straight to bed). Ted mediated the conversation. And you're both right. I don't feel better. I feel worse, I mean as the day has progressed it's gotten better but I dunno... I feel like I got broken up with a second time. I don't know how many times I reiterated that it hurt, and it was such a piss off because apparently, back in January when we had some problems, one of her friends basically said I wasn't trustworthy. And this girl didn't even KNOW me, like barely. Nothing actually happened, but apparently to my ex it made her feel insecure. And from that point onward my ex barely talked to me about anything. How was I supposed to know how she felt? If I had known, I could have tried to do something, I would have tried to fix it. She asked me why I seemed to just give up after a while (even though I tried to talk to her so many times). When trying so much and then having it constantly thrown back, I lost hope eventually. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. At the end of our conversation, I asked her why. Why is she putting me through this? Why didn't she just wait? Was it really that important to get a new partner? She said, and I'm paraphrasing because my memory is fuzzy - "It's my way to get over it". At that point I just told her to leave. I mean, like, I respect her decision. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I told her that I would respect her choice, but not to think I'm going to support it or be happy about it, because I have nothing TO be happy about. This morning I went to my AP History/English class to talk to my history teacher since I wasn't able to get my homework done... I guess I looked that miserable/depressed, because my English teacher asked me if I was alright and was really kind to me. Same with my homeroom/former Latin teacher. My face still hurts from all the crying I did, honestly. And Pinklovely, don't worry about turning it into talking about yourself or anything like that... The fact that even just two people can relate to what I'm saying is so helpful, to know I'm NOT The only one whose experienced this. Thanks to you and bazinga91 for sharing your experiences with me. I doubt I'mma see her for a long while. I don't want to, it just hurts too much. Just thinking about her being with someone else... and having that be a reality? I'm beyond crushed. We pretty much agreed to drop contact, even though she said "I'll still be here for you" and "I could always message her if I needed to", all that kinda stuff... Because that's supposed to make me feel better, right... We were supposed to work on an indie movie together but she dropped out of the project; my mom said it's probably for the best. I'm gonna go read the poem now and accept that friend request. Woo, people to talk to. Thanks, I didn't expect that at all... So it makes me feel a bit better. I guess one thing to come out of it is that I feel more inspired to create new artwork. The problem is finding the motivation to do it. If only getting over it were a simple, quick, and easy 1-2-3 process. This is going to be a long school year, I can feel it. Thank you guys for your time, and have a great night.
That's the one positive of a bad situation, art. I went into a painting and drawing coma after what I went through, its great therapy! Feel better, I know it is hard, and will be a process, but in the end she isn't worth your time, and isn't the same person she once was.. you deserve better
