When my boyfriend and I started dating, we both agreed that when September came and we headed off to university, we'd break up. But when it arrived, we realised that we both liked the other much more than we'd originally intended. He left for university last Saturday, and is currently enjoying his freshers' week, and I leave for my university this Saturday. The two are six hours apart. I'm completely in love with him, and he feels the same way. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, deciding how much I value our relationship, and the pros and cons of breaking up or staying together, as has he. We haven't broken up yet, and we're waiting for me to get my timetable, to see if our holidays coincide to have a discussion about what we'll do. Not only are we six hours apart, for my third year I'll hopefully be in America, and he'll be on work placement somewhere probably in the UK, before we both return to our universities for our forth and final years, and so in addition to an extra year (in the UK most degrees take three years), we'll also be in different countries for a year. At this moment in time I really believe that if we last the four years together I will eventually ask him to marry me. I can really see myself spending the rest of my life with him, and raising a family together, and we've discussed it and he feels the same way. But this is where the hard part comes. Four years is a long time. We'll hopefully get to see each other at Christmas, Easter and in the summer holidays, and maybe other weeks we have off depending on our timetable alignment, but we're also very aware of the difficulties we will face being apart for so long, and being so far away. Having not left for university yet, it's very easy for me to sit here and talk about us being together, but I'm not so sure it will be the same once I'm at university myself. Our communication will probably decrease as both of us are busy, there will be the temptation of other, closer people (though at the moment I don't notice anybody else, I haven't been attracted to anyone since him, not strangers in the street, celebrities or even actors in 'those movies', and whilst four years of masturbation isn't ideal, as a teenager I've lasted for longer than that before and I'm sure I can do it again), and a variety of other complications that will put a strain on our relationship. So, my question: do we attempt to make it? As much as I would love for everyone to say "go for it!" or "you can do it!", I'd also appreciate some cold, hard realism. Like I said, four years is a long time, but the thought of breaking up with him right now is utterly soul destroying. So would breaking up with him in a year, or two, or three. Any thoughts? Has anyone here lasted in a long distance relationship with someone? Even if you haven't, what would you do if you were in my situation? Any tips on how we would make it work if we decided to go for it? I've thought about watching films together on Skype (both the normal kind and the 'other' kind), phone calls, texts, visits as often as we can, maybe even attempting Skype dates like a romantic dinner. Any other ideas would really be appreciated. P.S. sorry for the length of this post.
I think it is great that you actually found someone who makes you feel like that and someone you know you could be with forever. But in my personal opinion, long distance relationships rarely work. I dont fully believe in them but it really depends on the people. I don't support such relationships due to past experiences. I mean, if you love each other it could work but even with that much love for one another, it could get extremely lonely. Skype sessions are nowhere near the same as having him right beside you. And what's even worse is that both of you plan to go to separate countries, which means different time zones that would lead to less communication and less and less of your skype dates. Soon, you would grow tired of not having the intimacy you deeply need. But just to say one thing, you seem to really love him so what I would suggest is proposing some kind of deal with him. Find out your schedules, know your holidays, keep in touch as much as you can. But part of this deal should be, when one person feels that he could not bear the burden of a long distance relationship...Then both of you should maturely end it. Both of you are going to feel lonely, no doubt about it. But give it time. Like a year or two. See how much you see him during this time. If you havent at all, you got a problem. If you can bear the amount then continue until one of you cant handle it anymore. Then there should be the end to it. Goodluck
Im in a long distance relationship as we speak.. my girlfriend and I both go to different universities which are quite a distance away... I broke up with her the week before I left and tried to stick to it because I knew the distance would suck but I am in love with her and it was killing me inside. So breaking up was much worse then being in a relationship with the girl I love even at the distance.. So far it has been very difficult, and it is testing our relationship and some days we fight like crazy but its because we are frustrated.. however at the end of the day we love each other, and to me that's what matters... we text all of the time and call each other daily, and also try and Skype as much as we can. I plan on marrying her one day so I am not going to give up on what we have and I don't think you should either... its worth a shot if you truly love one another... I wish you the best of luck, its going to be a bumpy road but I think its worth it!
My roommate at the University of Alabama dated someone at Florida State and I was in his wedding after four years. It can happen. Very rare I think, though. He had no social life, just work and school. How do you know that there is not an equally or better guy out there if you are not open to it? Think about all the great social events you will miss. Can you transfer to his University? Or vice versa? I guess I look at college as a great time of learning, fun and self discovery. Your deal sounds inhibiting. :-(
One of my best friends has been in a long-term relationship for four years and even though she's told me it gets more difficult with time, she doesn't regret it one bit and she's still madly in love with her girlfriend. They are actually planning on staying long-distance a few years more because they think it is important for the two of them to succeed career-wise and that means living and working in different countries for the time being. Though of course they visit each other as often as possible, they talk everyday, and they made sure to agree on a set of "rules" so to speak; for example, they talked a lot about whether they wanted to open their relationship or not, what to do in case one of them meets another girl they're genuinely interested in, etc. In all fairness, they've made it four years, they've learned a lot about each other and about themselves individually and I'm pretty sure that even if they end up breaking up for whatever reason, they won't ever regret having stayed in the relationship this long; that's how much they care for one another and how well they communicate. So that's my number one advice: communicate. If you guys truly love each other, I don't see any way at all staying long-distance could be a waste of time. With that said, do you honestly think being six hour apart is that much of a problem? You could meet each other halfway once or twice a month or even more often, it's really not far away.
Honestly, I think that if you two are really in love, you will find a way to do it. It may seem cliche, but it's true. I think that love is worth anything and everything, as long as you're willing to fight for it.
Every relationship goes through phases - sometimes it's a phase related to somebody's career, or family. Sometimes it's related to somebody's hobby, or medical issues. And sometimes it's related to distance. I've known couples that went off to school or work and ended up breaking up. And I've known couples that did the same, even for a few years, and made it through. I don't know the success ratio, but I do know it's a valid choice that many people make. If you want to make it here, that's up to you, and judging from the conversations you two have had about it, I don't think anyone would blame you. The one concrete thing I can suggest is: don't do in order to make it through a four year "hiatus" when you can "reunite and have a real relationship again," or something like that. Do it because being in a long-distance relationship with each other, specifically, in the moment, is something desirable.
This. Glad this post was before mine so it saved me time thinking of a good way to say it. Staying in a really tough, stressful relationship is not ideal just because you both have set a "goal" to make it through 4 years. Relationships, even long distance, should have the same goal. That is to be with someone who can make you happy and help you relax and support you. Some of your posts suggest you want to make it work, but others suggest already that you just want to end it so you do seem genuinely torn. My best advice: don't plan for a 4 year break. Just go with the flow and take it one day at a time. Even though it may seem like thats the big challenge. Those 4 years will have many ups and downs in itself. Try your best to make it work and be happy (because if you don't try you will regret it), and if you reach a point where you both feel you are unhappy then end it then. Don't pre-emptively end it or plan to make it work. Long commitments with so much uncertainty like that rarely end well because you always feel "trapped".
