I have feelings for my best friend, does he like me too?

Hey - i've posted this elsewhere, but i've had a chance to look around the site and this forum seems more appropriate, so sorry for reposting!

Not sure what i'm expecting from posting this, or whether i'll like the responses but I think some advice and knowledge of other's experiences might help. The story is a bit long so sorry in advance and thanks for reading.

Basically ... I've known my best friend for 10 years now (we're both 21/22) and we've been best friend and really close for like 7/8 of those years. We've always been close and we 'click'; we really get on with each other, enjoy each others company, and even though hes not the type to say how he feels, i know he feels the same about our friendship too.

Like I said, we've always been close and quite 'touchy-feely' - we mess around, grab or touch eachother, and often we find ourselves staring at each other and maintaining long eye contact, initiated mainly by him (which we sort of turn into a 'staring competition' and then laugh, although its not how it started off). Also, he does things like, we pretend wrestle, then he ends up on top of me - one time we wrestled on the bed, i gave up cos he was winning, then he just lay there for a few seconds while we were both silent, then i got a text (my phone was in front of us on the bed) and he got the phone, opened the message etc. while still on top of me and not getting off.

When we have sleepovers we usually share a bed and its never been a problem, and he often jokes "we're spooning tonight" and says other gay stuff. The last several times we've shared a bed we've gotten pretty close (this is over 2 years cos were both at uni so we don't see each other often during term time) and our backs usually end up touching or legs or arms - i know that this could just be moving in our sleep but i know that for some of the times he is definitely awake. Also these beds are always double beds, so lots of room for 2 to sleep.

I recently told him i had feelings for him (didn't come out as i'm not sure myself if i'm gay/straight/bi etc.) - he didn't say much at all, didnt even confirm or deny if he was gay or straight but i was so focused on getting what i wanted to say out i didnt think about it. We agreed that our friendship was too important and that we would be fine with each other and nothing would change (of the little he did say, he kept saying nothings will change, he wouldn't act differently, no one need know - he seemed adamant that nothing would change). Everything has been fine between us since, to the point were when were together i almost forget i told him and we act 100% normal, i genuinely cant say that i have acted differently or that i've noticed he has, but this weekend i visited him at Uni and we shared a bed again (he told me few days before he was going to buy a inflatable mattress, i said why and if it had anything to do with me liking him and he says "lol no" and that it is good to have inflatable mattress anyway and that it only cost £4 - i checked on the website and there was no mattress that cheap and he said they had sold out, and that "it looks like were spooning") and our backs touched eachother again every night (again on a spacious double bed). One night we were so close i could feel his breath on my neck as he was facing me, and we were there for ages, at one point i looked to see if he was awake and as soon as i moved my head to look at his face he moved over and faced the other way for the rest of the night. On another night the same happeend again, back-to-back, arms touching and it happened a lot; we were drunk so i got up a few times to get a drink/vomit S) and i could see when i got back his eyes slightly open to look at me, or if i leant over him to get a drink from the bedside table, i could see him do the same and look. Once i came back with water he got up and had some, and another time i caught him just about to look at his phone when i walked in and he pretended he was asleep. But each time i got back into bed we settled back into that touching position.

There are other 'gay' things that happen between us that i cant remember now, mostly because it happens so often its almost standard for us, and part of our 'routine' together. Everyone always jokes were a couple, even people who dont really know me/us well - we share food, drink and pretty much everything, when we go out to eat with mates we always plan our food to share it, getting different things then splitting.

Hes not like this with anybody else, not even close, and neither am i.

I know when you like someone you look for things to justify your feelings or hopes they like you back, but to me this seems more than just me deluding myself, because there are things that just don't happen between normal straight friends, however close. I think that if he was genuinely straight, however much he loved me as a friend it would be a bit different between us, even if only just for the first few weeks - certainly if i was straight and was told by my best mate he liked me i would tone down the 'gay' stuff out of respect and not want to share a bed with them.

PLEASE help! I know that I have to give him time if hes gay, and i know that people do things in their own ways and what seems easy for me isn't for someone else, and that just because i told him i liked him isnt necessarily enough for someone to feel safe to come out, especially when he has 2 straight brothers, a family that is quite traditionally English and his mum can be a little prejudiced.

Any advice would be great x

 

Firstly thanks for your replies.

Flynn: he hasnt given me verbal indication of his orientation, but when i told him i liked him he didnt say much at all, and when i said "I thought you were/might be gay" he didn't reply at all or even show much of a reaction.

Regarding girls - in all the time I've known him he has shown almost no interest in girls, particularly in his teen years when you'd expect a teenage boy to be horny as anything. His history of girls is this: he has gotten off with 3 girls (he says 2/3 more but no one was there to witness and we dont talk to those girls anymore so no one can ask them and i dont believe him) all were because they were both very very drunk, and initiated by the girl. I have had similar experiences, were I have gotten with girls because of the circumstances, of being very drunk in a club. Also these girls were friends that we already knew, not random girls (he has never pulled in a club before). The one girl you could say hes had a 'thing' with was one of those friends that got with him. I know she liked him, and they kept getting off for a period of 3 years (bearing in mind that they went to uni so didnt see eachother for a long time in the year which is probably the reason it got so prolonged) and all they would do is kiss, but i know he has done some sexual stuff to her, but i dont know if he has gotten anything back, ie. Blowjob.They havent had sex (he is a virgin and doesnt seem bothered about losing his virginity) even though theyve had more than enough opportunities and shes not exactly frigid. I know this may seem that he is straight, but ive had experiences with girls before and im bi/questioning, and also, it doesnt seem like a genuine attraction... he never flirts with her sober, he never shows any sign he is in to her only when he is very very drunk, and to me it seems an easy way for him to show he is straight because she likes him so hes got it on tap, if that makes sense?

We never really talk about girls, and the only comments I hear him make about girls are when we're with other people in a situation were we have to make a comment to 'fit in' - i do it too so i dont blame him. But he never shows interests in girls in that way, the other night a girl was so obviously flirting with him and he totally ignored her and didnt seem to realise, if he wanted to he could have got off with her.


Tyrael: Much of what you asked I think I answered above, we've never had any real relationships with girls (i had one or two 'teenage girlfriends' which didnt mean anything).
Another interesting thing is that not only do we not talk about girls, we dont talk about the girls we have gotten with either: rarely, if ever, does he mention the girls i've gotten with, nor i about his, and when someone else brings it up he seems to pretend to be interested, and either doesnt contribute to the conversation or talks to someone else, and I do the same because I dont like talking about them cos it makes me a little jealous to be honest, reckon it is the same for him?

I'm not too bothered about orientation to be fair, because I know its more complicated than simply being straight or gay, all i know is that I have an emotional and sexual attraction to him, more than anyone else, male or female. I also know that he flirts with me, and i've recently tuned into this, but he doesnt flirt with anybody else. Our other best friend is straight and he jokingly flirts with me too (not the guy i like) but its always overt and obviously jokey, but the guy i like flirts with me more subtly and in private (wereas our other friend only does it when were with other people) and to no one else, male or female. He also used to touch my crotch a lot 'as a joke', often when it was just me and him or so that no one could see him doing it. I rarely if ever did it to him, he doesnt do it so much anymore though. Our other friend does that to me too, but again overtly jokey and in public, which i think the guy i like sees that as a way to allow him to do it to without seeming gay.

Sorry again for the long reply! Thanks for sticking with me! I really appreciate your help!

---------- Post added 19th Sep 2013 at 01:03 PM ----------

I think what confuses me more is that there has been 0 change between us since i told him i had feelings for him; i would expect a straight guy to act a bit weird, however close we were, for at least the first few weeks, but i haven't noticed anything different in his behaviour. If anything we've gotten closer - he is still physically close to me, such as the latest bed stuff, and when we sit together we touch arms and legs, sometimes arms on top of eachother's, when theres more space the other side. A straight guy wouldn't do that with another guy who they know has feelings for them. Sometimes when we walk our hands touch and he jokes "why you trying to hold my hand" etc.

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