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Relationship doomed because of their family?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Anomie, Sep 19, 2013.

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  1. Anomie

    Anomie Guest

    I tried to shorten this a lot.

    I grew up with a typical hypocritical born-again christian father that spews hate about gays and all that goodness. Which definitely colored my childhood and jacked up me being comfortable about my sexuality..

    I have been out a few times with a guy and talking to him regularly. Hes interesting, i thought it might lead to more and then i found out his situation and I feel kind of shitty about it but its a deal breaker as far as anything but friends.

    Hes a sweet guy, his mother has early dementia (in assisted living)and he helps his family out. Hes 34 lives at home and his dad happens to be a pastor. He doesn't make enough to fully support himself. And seems pretty rooted.

    Given his fathers views and other potential family problems, I just don't see a future with him.

    My last relationship and also current living situation totally suck because of dealing with other peoples problems more than what I can give without feeling burdened.

    Anyone else stop something before it started or end a relationship because the stuff beyond the person is just too much for you or will be later on - despite you actually liking them?
     
    #1 Anomie, Sep 19, 2013
  2. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    An old Israeli friend once taught me that "the wise person avoids the trouble the smart person has to get out of"...but who said love was wise?

    This is "follow your heart" territory; sweet guys don't grow on trees...read my signature below...
     
    #2 greatwhale, Sep 20, 2013
  3. penguin machine

    penguin machine
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    That could be the man of your dreams right there. You need to figure out how you feel about HIM, not his family. If he's unwilling to cut apron strings that's one thing. If he just hasn't had an opportunity to change his situation, that's another.
     
    #3 penguin machine, Sep 20, 2013
  4. Californiacoast

    Californiacoast
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    You will never know pain until you have lived with the pain of a parent slowly dying of dementia. I know, my Mom is right now. It builds character, love, patience beyond measure, devotion, and capacity to grieve. You might have a mighty good man there compared to alot of the heartless, self-centered fabulousness running around these days!
     
    #4 Californiacoast, Sep 21, 2013
  5. June Cleaver

    June Cleaver
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    It took me 40 years to get a good man! In the beginning Mike put me through a lot and at one point I thought of running a bimbo over with my car and I almost did it. He has some of the nastiest women in his past and he was not letting go of a few as well as his biological mother and some of her family are nightmares one of which is my ex of 4 years who severely abused me. 3 children by 3 women and 2 of the women are total nightmares! Child support that guts any paycheck and he even thought of getting with another woman in my presence which caused a separation for 2 weeks. I was really thinking I should get my head examined for being so deeply in love with this guy. Oh I had people warning me he would only use me too. I am glad I gave him time as it has payed off! I know for a fact he loves me deeply and all those problems have gone away as he want's nothing to do with the bad family, but want's to build a life with me and we have bonded closely together. 99% of the time we have is heaven these days! I could have just broke it off and who knows where I would be without him! I hope I never find out as it will kill me to loose him as we are soulmates! I had to give him about 4 months for our relationship really get good. DON'T THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER! Good luck finding a sweet guy like that again, unless you are Mr. health club and rich... June
     
    #5 June Cleaver, Sep 21, 2013
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