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Am I living a useless life as a homosexual?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lazyfire, Sep 26, 2013.

  1. lazyfire

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    I haven't come out to my parents but they are giving me many subtle hints that they would not like it if I were gay or came out.

    My mom just told me today, "Don't live a useless life".

    That was all she said after my art club today. We were decorating the hallways for a school dance. On the topic of the future, she grew silent as my cousin and I were talking.

    I could tell she was mad/disappointed. After my shower, she was standing outside and tells me not to be useless.

    Aren't I already useless? I'm gay. I love the worst people and I have a hard time expressing feelings. I've lost them and I feel even weaker. I'm stupid. I'm hopeful and weird.
    I've made it awkward for everyone in my life.

    So, what's the meaning of my life right now? What is there in the future waiting for me so that I can prove to these people that I'm stronger?

    My mom doesn't know yet.
    I am not strong at all. I am weak because all I do is shed tears for problems I've caused for myself.
     
    #1 lazyfire, Sep 26, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2013
  2. greatwhale

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    Here's a list of non-useless gay people:

    Alexander the Great, conqueror
    Hans Christian Andersen, writer
    Sandra Bernhard, actor
    Dirk Bogarde, actor
    Chastity Bono, daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher
    David Bowie, musician [bisexual]
    Susie Bright, sexpert
    John Brunner, science fiction author
    William S. Burroughs, writer
    Truman Capote, writer
    Marilyn Chambers, actor
    Traci Chapman, singer
    Mary Cheney, daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney
    Margaret Cho, comic [heteroflexible]
    Montgomery Clift, actor
    Kurt Cobain, singer [bisexual]
    James Coco, actor
    Colette, writer [bisexual]
    Hart Crane, poet [bisexual]
    Aleister Crowley, wicked wicked man
    James Dean, actor [bisexual]
    Ellen DeGeneres, actor
    Emily Dickinson, poet
    Divine, actor
    Matt Drudge, columnist
    John du Pont, heir and ornithologist, alleged homosexual
    Brian Epstein, managed The Beatles
    Sergei Esenin, poet [bisexual]
    Melissa Etheridge, singer
    Rupert Everett, actor
    Harvey Fierstein, actor
    Jodi Foster, actor
    David Geffen, Geffen Records [bisexual?]
    Boy George, singer
    Sir John Gielgud, actor
    Allen Ginsberg, poet
    Merv Griffin, television mogul
    Rob Halford, singer, Judas Priest
    Keith Haring, artist
    Nina Hartley, actor [bisexual]
    Todd Haynes, filmmaker
    Anne Heche, actor [bisexual]
    David Hockney, artist
    Elton John, musician
    Jasper Johns, artist
    Billie Jean King, tennis player
    k.d. lang, singer
    Charles Laughton, actor
    Ralph Lauren, fashion designer
    Ursula LeGuin, author
    Leonardo da Vinci, genius
    Liberace, pianist
    Greg Louganis, Olympic diver
    Paul Lynde, Hollywood Square
    Robert Mapplethorpe, photographer
    W. Somerset Maugham, writer [bisexual]
    Armistead Maupin, writer
    Sir Ian McKellen, actor
    Freddie Mercury, singer, Queen.
    George Michael, singer
    Michaelangelo, Renaissance man
    Harvey Milk, gay rights activist and martyr
    Morrissey, singer
    Martina Navratilova, tennis player
    Sir Isaac Newton, scientist and celibate homo
    Sinead O'Connor, singer
    Rosie O'Donnell, talk show host
    Joe Orton, playwright
    Camille Paglia, author
    Gilles de Rais, nobleman
    Charles Nelson Riley, actor
    Rimbaud, poet
    Cesar Romero, actor
    RuPaul, drag queen
    Sappho, poet
    Dick Sargent, second Darrin on Bewitched
    Dan Savage, advice columnist
    Matthew Shepard, martyr
    Siegfried and Roy, magicians
    Richard Simmons, fitness guru
    Socrates, philosopher [bisexual]
    Annie Sprinkle, sexpert
    Gertrude Stein, author
    Jeff Stryker, actor
    Pëtr Ilich Tchaikovsky, composer
    Scott Thompson, comic
    Billy Tipton, jazz musician, lifelong male impersonator
    Andrew Tobias, writer
    Alice B. Toklas, cookbook author
    Lily Tomlin, actor
    Pete Townshend, The Who [bisexual]
    Alan Turing, genius
    Gus Van Sant, filmmaker
    Versace, fashion designer
    Gore Vidal, writer
    Bruce Vilanch, joke writer
    Andy Warhol, artist [bisexual]
    John Waters, filmmaker
    Oscar Wilde, writer
    Tennessee Williams, playwright

    Any questions?

    P.S. you are stronger than you know! (*hug*)
     
    #2 greatwhale, Sep 26, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2013
  3. Momosboy

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    Fire, you aren't useless. Your mom has committed a huge mistake. She has based everything on archaic beliefs. You are strong, my friend. You may see yourself as weak, but that is a lie. You know the old saying, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger"? Believe it. You will be ridiculously strong because you hold fast to being you. *hug*

    Serena
     
  4. dfiant

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    No, you haven't made it awkward for everyone in your life. Everyone in your life has made it awkward for you to be able to be the person that you are meant to be.

    Your sexuality or your gender identity to not come into the equation of what makes a person any more or less valuable.

    You don't need to prove to anyone that you are stronger, you just need to show your capacity for love, you just need to show people that you care for them no matter what.

    If your mum continues to tell you that you are useless or living a useless life, just smile and tell her that you love her.

    You are not useless, you have just started a discussion and got me for one engaged in a conversation. You will find a way to express your feeling when you understand what your feelings are.

    Just remember, it is not what people think of you, say about you or say to you that defines the person you are and your value....it only defines the person they are and exposes their insecurities.

    Shedding tears is not a weakness either, you just need to find the right should :wink:

    Peace.
     
  5. Momosboy

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    You forgot Howard Ashman, songwriter responsible for the early Disney Renaissance.
     
  6. Chic30

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    Somehow she might already know you're gay otherwise she wouldn't be giving you subtle hints. Second of all you are not useless, if she thinks you are then there must be some unhappiness going on in her life. You be as happy as you can and live your life to the fullest that's the only thing that matters. Don't you dare believe that you're useless. One day someone will show you how much they love you and how useful you are.
     
    #6 Chic30, Sep 26, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2013
  7. Ticklish Fish

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    you sure this isn't like, about the career path you might have told her before or something else?
     
  8. AKTodd

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    That your mother would say such a thing to her son should tell you vastly more about how she feels about her own life than about yours.

    You are not useless. Utility is a function of circumstances. Drop the worlds best stockbroker/surgeon/engineer/lawyer naked in the middle of the Australian Outback and see how useful their particular knowledge and experience is. Conversely, put yourself into an environment where you can do what you're really good at (And hopefully really enjoy) and odds are good that some number of people will find it useful. Most important is that you take satisfaction in it and find it useful.

    Finally, as far as the meaning of your life - your life can have whatever meaning you choose for it to have. That choice is up to you.

    Todd
     
  9. lazyfire

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    I made sure she knew I was still thinking about possible options.
    She just wouldn't accept it.
     
  10. LILuke

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    It can be hard for some people to understand. As you're not out it's possible that your mom thinks that you're still "Deciding" your sexuality, and that by talking up heterosexuality and talking down homosexuality she can convince you to "choose" to be straight.
     
  11. blueberrymuffin

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    lol i don't know if including "serial killer" on the list is what he's looking for. But no, everyone has value, any action no matter how small can be useful. I can't believe your mom is saying that. It's just heartless. Here is one thing you learn over time: To some, we are useless, because we don't reproduce or whatever. Well, *every* profession and type of person is deemed "useless" by someone. Janitors are useless, bankers are useless etc. Personally, i think bigots are useless but anyway...

    If you want to be useful, don't get so hung up on others' opinions that you in fact are unable to do anything and 2) find something that you personally find meaningful, because that's the only standard of success we can for sure live up to. Socially things will fall into place too. The real sign of strength is being yourself in the face of whatever hostilities small minded people throw in your path.
     
  12. greatwhale

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    I knew there was one I didn't recognize! Oh well, even there, he was an overachiever :rolle: :icon_redf
     
  13. Lexington

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    What determines usefulness?

    Your paycheck? The number of people who "use" your "product"? The number of people who are positively influenced by what you do? The level of influence you have?

    Is a high-middle-manager at a large corporation "useful"? If you get a 50% raise, do you suddenly become 50% more useful? When a company lays off people, did it render those people worthless?

    Was the guy who created the pet rock useful? Did the guy who created "Angry Birds" create something useful? Are movie actors and directors and key grips and costume designers useful? Are songwriters and singers and background musicians and tape engineers useful?

    Did the guy who wrote "La Macarena" create something useful? What about the Beatles, or the people behind Glee? What about a music act that only sold 50,000 copies? Or 5000? Or 50? What if one of those fifty people found the work utterly life changing?

    Mull it over a bit. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  14. aznboy

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    :eusa_clap Way to be philosophical today Lex.
     
  15. greatwhale

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    Further to what Lex said,

    If you're aiming to be useful in life, watch out you don't get used.
     
  16. batfleckssk

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    i am so shy that ultimately i believe that i will die alone.