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Need help with boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Crillen, Sep 28, 2013.

  1. Crillen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    My boyfriend and I have known each other for about a 10 months and going out ‘properly’ for 7 months. We met through (that guy hook up app where we actually didn't hook up) and we clicked quicker than anything and our relationship turned sexual in the first two weeks of knowing each other. We have a lot in common, coming from the same town, same college course and humour, basically a lot of things we have interest in that have made me fall very hard for this guy.

    We are great when we are alone, but outside in public with his own friends - he is different - I don't want to say he acts - but he holds back in case he offended anyone. He is very concerned with what people might think/do think about him. I have given him numerous pep talks trying to give him courage and strength to be more comfortable with himself and less thinking of others. He really wants to come out and be accepting of himself - but its clear the fear of rejection paralyses him from doing anything with his own personal life of family and friends. There are many times I've had to pretend to only slightly know him when I seen him in college with his own friends. It killed me. But I care deeply about this lad.

    Moreso recently he is living up in the city working while I’m in college since he graduated. We haven’t seen each other properly in the week I’ve been back. I’ve been finding myself get so angry because he can’t go off somewhere in fear his friends question. In fairness he has been busy but I’ve gotten very upset on the day we did meet up for lunch he suggested a break because he hated seeing my so upset for his ways. (To the point where I’m making him sick of me.) It has been better since because I apologised.
    We are to have a long chat Tuesday to see if we are going to continue seeing each other.

    I don’t know what to do. I love him but I can’t continue to get angry about this. It’s a problem for me that it is so hard for him to get there. But I know that is unfair to him. I understand we all have to come out in our own time. I don’t know how Tuesday is going to go. We say in text it’ll be fine but I am so confused on what to do. I don’t want to break up but I want it where more of my needs are being fulfilled because we don't get to meet as often as we'd like to which makes our relationship suffer. What do I do?
     
  2. Anthemic

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm so sorry that you are going through such a tough time. But what you have to remember is that you have to be patient in this type of situation. He is probably feeling extremely pressured because he is afraid of what people might think, while he also wants to make you happy. The fact that you came here to type out how you feel about this tells me that you do truly care about him. Try having a heart-to-heart with him on Tuesday. Maybe if you tell him you will try to be more patient and understanding, he will feel more comfortable. But you also need to tell him that you have needs too, and that you would like to spend more time with him. Just hanging out with someone shouldn't make anyone think anything is going on between you two. And you may want to tell him that how he's been acting is hurtful. I would hate for someone to be ashamed to be seen with me.

    Good luck! :slight_smile: