Dear Readers, I am in need of some advice about me and my "complication". Well I am bisexual who is totally out. I have this friend who is not but I know he is. Well in April our relationship got complicated. I met him on a school bus about two years ago. The first thing he asked is if I was a girl. I am not. That's where it started. A week or so later me and my cousin started hanging out with him. He is a pretty cool guy. After awhile I started to develop a crush on him. After this we became closer and I came out to him. He was cool with it. I had come out to many other people by this time. Well then he and my cousin had a falling out. So after that it was only me and him. Our friendship went into overdrive. We hung out everyday and talked. Then April came..... I won't go into detail. Our relationship turned a corner into "complicated". Let's just say on a morning in April he asked if I liked him... I said yeah. He was okay with it. Then after that he came out to me. He was bisexual too! So after asking if I liked him and then telling me he was bi anyone would think "oh he likes me back" NOPE. The first thing he said after that was "me and you will never happen" I fell apart for a second but pulled myself together quickly. Well now I had a gay friend to talk to even though he knew I liked him he didn't care. I was still suspicious about him liking me but I put it on hold I was extremely happy. Our relationship got more complicated when a month later we told our friend on the bus then he made a joke about me loving him then with hysterically he asked if I loved him. Obviously the first thing I think off when I get asked that is "no" but after that it got me thinking. By the end of the month I figured out I did love him. Now for the really complicated stuff. His mom and his moms boyfriend(who lives with them) doesn't know any of this. We'll the moms boyfriend made a joke about me and him sleeping in the same bed. Well from then on we have been sleeping in the same bed about every weekend since. (Since June) Summer started and we hung out even more and I spent the night more. We got closer. We now know everything about each other. We have our own language, special looks, and we even made a country consisting of all the bisexual people we meet. We call it "Oblivia". We named it that because we had to keep our sexuality secret from other people so we had a word for bisexual. It is being "oblivious". So now he knows that I love him. But every now and again he brings up how me and him dating would never work because (well his reason) we a who think of our innuendo while if we would ever do anything. So now I am stuck in love with my more than best friend who never a wants anything more with me other than our complicated relationship. The bad part is if we ever found anyone else to date our relationship would change. Our looks and innuendo would have to stop and we couldn't sleep in the same bed when I spend the night. Sorry this is so long but this is my complicated relationship with my (I don't even know what to call him):bang: Sincerely, Me
Wow, That is quite interesting. I can somewhat relate; I had a similar friend who was just amazing in every possible way... and we got REALLY close... but you're a lot luckier than I was; at least your friend likes to spend a lot of time with you and even lets you sleep with him My friend let us get close but eventually we always ended up back in our own beds... And your friend is also bi, which is awesome. My advice is to keep going with your friendship for a while... maybe tr some new things like hugging him and seeing if he likes it a lot and reciprocates it. If you get to a point where you're really sure you want to be with him, talk to him about it. It's kind of mean that he would let you get so close to him but not want to be with you in a relationship. Have you guys done any kind of 'experimenting'?
No nothing like that again he said he couldn't do anything with me because of the stupid reason from the above short story. I have also been sure I want to be with him for months now. He knows how much I like him.
Talk to him and let him know that it's hurting you. If he doesn't acknowledge that, then he's not a worthwhile partner anyway. I know that's really hard when you love someone, but you might have to socialise with some other people
My problem is I see the problem until I see him and then the problem vanishes. I don't want things to change even though they need to. I don't want to lose what we have. He is my first guy love.
The way I see it, there are two ways you can go about it. 1: Continue what you're doing. Everytime you see him and are with him you feel ok, so spend as much time as you possibly can with him. This is what I tried to do for 2 years... But it just toiled with me emotionally to the point where I've now had serious depression and mental illness.. mostly just because I couldn't spend much time with him, he didn't love me, and whenever he left everything just felt empty and all wrong... But this might not necessarily happen with you, seeing as you see this friend a lot and he seems to let you continue to be fairly close to him. 2: You can talk to him about how you feel and see what results from it. It could go two ways; he might apologise and say that he'll go further with you, or he might say that there's no possible way he can be convinced. In this case, you might have to look for other people, which really sucks (Trust me I've been there (and still kind of am there...)) Keep me updated on how it goes
Well we didn't see each other for about 2 weeks and whe I came back he said he missed me but we are complicated friends and friends miss friends so. But our conversation when to a conversation he had with another friend about marriage. His friend said marriage is like picking one song and put it on replay for the rest of your life. Well he said that he could do that. The song he said he could replay is the song he said was "our" song. He is just a bag of mixed signals. :bang: ---------- Post added 18th Oct 2013 at 10:45 AM ---------- Oh yeah I didn't mention this???!!! HE GAVE ME AND HIM A FREAKIN SONG!!!! It's love somebody by Maroon 5 like come on we have a song now
Hmmm That is confusing. I guess, if you really love him, go for it. Make the most of it, spend as much time with him as possible with him, maybe send some signals back his way. You could subtly start hugging him or playing footsies or something. Then I guess hope for the best (that he eventually goes further with you), but be prepared to be hurt. If it really hurts though, you'll need to tell him how it's making you feel. Anyway, for now I'd say try some of those little things, and let me know how it goes
For no I am enjoying my time with him, but I also am prepared to get hurt. My feelings are getting worse I have noticed this month. I will wait til the start I the new year and see how hings are by then. I will decide if I should take action after that ( I know I'm just delaying the enevitable by waiting but for now I am content when I am around him so PROCRASTINATION for the win)
ok, whatever you feel comfortable with Just be safe and try to keep yourself from getting down or upset. You can always just enjoy it as a friendship, as long as you both understand what it means
Well its been awhile, but things are finally normalish. Since my last post things have gotten worse then gotten better. First of all he met someone. I hated the guy he met. Not because I love my friend but because the guy he met was a complete asshat. Not one person who met this guy liked him. He is a self absorbed, selfish, manipulating, waste of skin. My friend decided I was just jealous and blew it off as that. To make things worse he finally got his drivers license and car. The day he got his car is the day he stopped hanging out and talking to me. All his time was spent with the asshat. I got pissed then he got pissed that I got pissed. He didnt understand how I felt and he didnt care! I didnt care that we didnt spend everyday together. I was upset because he didnt talk to me at all. I felt abandoned. Do you blame me? Try going from seeing or talking to each other everyday to complete silence. Then he tries to talk about his problems to me and I blew up. I went off on him and he didnt understand why. After this he moves out of his moms house and in with this guy. Lets just say I was more than destroyed by this. He stopped talking to me, blocked me on facebook, and deleted my number. This went on for two days. Becasue i didnt want to lose another friend I talked to him first and apologized. We became friends again but it was different. We hung out once in a blue moon. Everyone of my other friends now extremley dont like him because they see what he does to me. Its not his fault i feel like this. Well after he moved out he finally realized his guy was a jackass but is still living in the same house with him and Im okay with that as long as he is not with the asshat. Now he is talking to another guy and I am really happy for him. This guy is actually a nice guy and I can finally be happy for my friend. I still love him and always will but I can finally let him go. This is the last update I will be putting on this Thread. Thanks for all the help! :3
I think it's healthy for you to move on I hope you meet lots of new and wonderful people in the near future! Good luck with everything!
Actually I lied. New Update on the situation. I made a mistake that I shouldn't have. I moved in with him.... Well I'll start from where I left off last well not exactly because it's been an entire year. We we're doing good with our relationship. He did move back to his moms house and everything just melted back to normal. I was happy he was happy. We hung out, laughed, had fun. My friends have him another chance (which he blew of course). He got a boyfriend. It happened 4 months ago. He got in a fight with his mom and decided "hey I'm gonna move out again. I wonder who would move out with me?" Me of course . I was excited! I mean come on moving in with my best friend! Who wouldn't be excited?! We got a place and moved in and everything was awesome. About two months in he dropped the bomb. Remember from the other posts I did about April. He admitted he remembered the whole thing and that he did it because he was horny..... Yeah he did! Out of freaking NO WHERE! I couldn't breathe and started sobbing and I said take me home but instead he pulled the car over and we talked. I said my peace and we talked some more. I forgave him because we had to much history now to ruin it. It was the past and there it stayed. We became closer and he called me one of his closest friends. I thought we were good. No better than good. We played games and had fun and enjoyed life. That's when it hit. The storm. He just upright stopped talking to me and ignored my existence completely.... One week laughing and joking then the next dead silence. I had a breakdown and cried. It was bad. Then one day boom!!! He talks to me. I was floored! I don't want to bring it up because I was afraid he'd shut me out again. Everything went back to semi normalcy. Then one day I asked. He said I didn't do enough the support the household. ( He paid a little more than me because of my job but I specifically told him that when he asked he said it was fine with him) so I did more around the house. He stopped hanging out with me outside of the house completely!!! That's when I knew things were getting bad. Then one of the friends that he can't stand to be around came to the house and he said to "get him out now!" I said no then he said that I was to be out by the end of the month. Side note: my friends dad just died. He was suicidal. End Side Note. So when my friend Left I went to have a talk with him. I said my peace and I asked why are you doing this to me does our friend ship mean nothing to you. The last 3 years?!. He said he will remember thise years but he just doesn't know how he feels about me anymore. I just needed to rant about this somewhere. I don't like talking to my friends about this because I feel like my problems don't weigh compared to theirs when I speak about them they don't get my feelings towards this asshat. He's my house and now I'm homeless and empty. I miss him. The sad thing is that I can't stop thinking about it and he's already forgotten it.
