So, I wasn't going to complain about this, but I cannot help it any longer. I've practically talked my friend's ears off, as well as my brother's so, I have decided to come here in hopes of more helpful advice. I feel like I am being totally unreasonable, but I am fed up at this point. My girlfriend is working two jobs, part time and working about 50-60 hrs a week, so I don't get to see her often. However, that isn't the issue, the problem is that every time we talk, she's constantly complaining about work. Now, I am a great listener, so I usually just listen to her vent and it is helpful for her. But now, I am tired of hearing about it; every time we talk, it's all about her problems and with work. I want to tell her to quit, but she's in no position whatsoever to quit. Her attitude has changed and she's carrying her problems from work into our relationship. It seems like she's taking it out on me and it hurts, but it is also pushing me away. Her attitude towards her jobs is driving a wedge between our relationship. She has realized it, but not the full of extent of how she's making me feel. I mean, I try not to complain about my life because things could be a lot worse and I feel like I am very lucky. She may not have the same support system that I have, but isn't fair for her to take her anger out on me. I want to make sure that I am not going crazy, but is there a legitimate problem here? I want to tell her how I feel, but it is going to come out the wrong way. I just feel like she's ungrateful; it's hard enough finding one job, but she has two!! I'm so hurt and sad because I really care about her, but I am ready to walk away. My life was a lot less stressful; I mean, I have kids to worry about. And I am not saying that she is putting her problems off on me because that isn't the case at all. It's how she's treating me because of the stress that she is experiencing due to her jobs. I really do love her and I want to be with her. I can't even fall asleep because she abruptly ended our conversation earlier. And I wasn't able to express myself to her :help: Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance
I was writing you a long answer, quoting your own contradictory thoughts, but I think that it can be made short - talk to her. If she has two jobs, she probably spends there most of her days. Then there is a couple of hours for sleep and only little time for anything else. If she spends hours in the work where she is not happy, she is probably stressed because she is 'wasting' so many hours a day somewhere where she doesn't like it and what happens at work fills almost all her mind. That's understandable. She has probably no one to talk about it - no one but you that's what friends or partners are for. It's up to you to draw the line. But it's not fair to her to be pissed at her without telling her about your feelings and the boundaries. Do you know what I mean?
Well, it seems like I never get a chance to talk about my feelings because we are constantly discussing hers. And I know I was flip flopping through my thread, I was tired last night and I had so much stuff on my mind. I have tried talking to her about how I feel, but I know it is going to come out the wrong way. I'm trying to be there for her, but I figure if her jobs are affecting her life that much, its time to quit. I don't want to suggest that, although I will admit that I think she's trying to live beyond her means. Whenever she gets a day off, she doesn't take advantage of it, she goes into work to pick up extra hours. I'm just tired of people complaining about stuff, yet they do nothing to change their circumstances. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And I feel like she's going to drive herself crazy. I truly do not feel like she's in the right place in her life to be in a relationship. Would it be wrong of me to tell her that? I'm just sick of how she treats me because of her problems. I never take my problems or anger out on anyone because it is unfair. Thanks for the reply
What making some notes? I don't mean for you to write her a letter, but to jot down short notes what you are sick of and what you want. Then think about each note and come up with some ideas. Like, I don't know.. you don't like her talking about her work all the time, but you understand that she needs to vent. So what about agreeing on some 'schedule' - tell me about your work right after you come home, but you have just half an hour. Then it will be my turn to tell you about my day.
That's actually a very good idea, thank you! I've heard of this idea before because I suffer from anxiety. I read that you should take 30 mins or less a day to worry and then stop. I haven't quite implemented that into my daily life because my life is so hectic and I have kids. I'm not trying to say her problems are no big deal, but I'm usually worrying about feeding my kids, helping with homework, cleaning and school. So, I'm not trying to say that she has no reason to complain or vent because I always listen to her no matter what. It seems like she's in her own little world as if I do not have any issues of my own. I do, like a ton, and may be I'm not ready to discuss certain things with her. I just wish she would ask me about my life and what is going with me. I'm not one to volunteer information unless I am asked. I'm a very personal individual and I feel like if someone does not ask about (fill in the blank) then they genuinely do not care.
