A place to vent

Okay. I'm not asking for anything in the way of support. I just want to put this out into the big, bad world. And just to see some thoughts.
Thanks for reading:

Here it is again. The same cycle that generally repeats itself every few months or so. I’ve invested all my attention, all my effort and energy into someone that eventually carries onto someone else, forgetting all that I am, was and will be.
For some reason beyond all comprehension, I put myself in this position TIME after time. I get myself so involved and attached to someone, actually fooling myself into thinking I mattered to someone for a moment, and pretty much as soon as I have found some genuine relationship, I am dumped on my arse for someone prettier, someone funnier, somebody with a nice smile and somebody just plain ‘better’ than I am. It hurt like hell the first few times, after the tenth time it just became another routine, and this time, somewhere north of fifteen (at least), I don’t know how I feel. I am doing the usual reflecting. What did I do wrong (every time)? What can I do to stop this? Why do I keep trying? Etc etc.
All I can think of. I need to stop being me. Or at least try to start being the person I have tried to be for eighteen years. People don’t want needy. People don’t want emotional. People want pretty, funny and always ‘perky’. I just want to be someone’s favourite. No just the back-up plan.
Admitting to being Trans was the biggest mistake I have made to date. Why? I have never felt so miserable with what I am. I know damn well I am Trans. I need to ignore it, or actually prepare to spend the rest of this ‘life’ miserably secluded. All I am left with is to pretend to be M, and actually have a chance of finding people who want to have me in their life. Or be this hybrid of M and F. A misery-guts with little in the way of looks, personality and flair. People don’t want this. I don’t want this. But if I spend the next year or so living alone like this, it will be my last.