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Relationship over, struggling, now what?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by distance, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. distance

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Hey,

    I have been with my partner (male) for 4 years, we get on amazingly well and share a lot in common. My life has been really difficult over the past few years but he and I have stuck together through it all. He has been the person I spend all my time with and each others main source of support/conversation etc. I love him and respect him a lot, but things have not felt right so we broke up a few days ago. I am heart broken, and keep going round in circles in my head.

    We are a lot more 'best friend' than we are a couple. I find affection/intimacy with him really awkward and have done for a long while now. Even in relationships before with other guys i have felt almost an invisible barrier between them and me. As much as I really want to feel passionate and want to be able to lie in his arms or enjoy kissing him etc, it just isnt there. I keep going round and round to think about why I feel this way. I think we both explained it away for different reasons and hoped that it would eventually be okay. Everything personality/lifestyle/interest/humour etc wise is perfect between us, we speak so honestly and opening. We really respect, trust, and support each other. Therefore why do I feel so awkward when it comes to having any affection/passion? He is a really attractive man but it is almost like I appreciate that rather than have the lust or desire for him. Over the years I have noticed my attraction to women and I find the thought of being with a woman in a affectionate/passionate/intimate way really appealing. I even developed really strong feelings towards my counsellor (Female) to the point whereby I have thought about her every day for the past year, I miss her so much it hurts. Yet I do not think I really feel that way about my partner - he notices my distance too, our intimacy has been one sided often with him being a lot more interested in me & my body than I ever am his. I hate feeling this way, I wish I could change it. I love him a lot and it pains me that I cannot make myself engage with the affection/intimacy. A relationship takes more than just being best friends, and he deserves to have someone in his life who he can share that with as much as I do I guess. I hate feeling like I am breaking his heart, and we have both been in pieces.

    Where do I go from here? I feel so alone now, he has been such a massive part of my life. He wants to stay best friends and to be as close, bu I am unsure either of us can move on if we do. I am unsure that I am gay, I keep trying to deny it. If I'm honest I dont want to be gay, I wonder if I should try to focus on my relationship rather than end it. But am I trying to change the unchangeable? Am I ever going to be able to feel that passion or desire if I am in a hetereosexual relationship. I am so confused, hurting, lost. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. WhiteShadows

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    It sounds very plausible that the reason you're not lusting him is because your having same sex lust instead. :/
    I can understand how you must be feeling really empty right now :frowning2:
    I think what I would do is I would find out if for sure I felt nothing physical for him. This being the case, I would move on, but try to maintain the friendship very closely as long as doing so doesn't hurt either of you. You can still be there to support, give advice, hug, shoulder etc without being in a relationship.