I should start this off by saying that I'm a girl, and I've only ever been in relationships with guys. I was married for 5 years, but we just grew apart, and that was that. At the end of 2011, I met this great guy online. We began talking as friends, had a ton of stuff in common, and we ended up really liking each other. We began dating at the beginning of 2012 and we skyped with each other daily, falling asleep together in skype, all the typical LDR mushy stuff. We never web cammed with each other (just exchanged pictures). His voice was a little higher than a typical guy's, but he told me that he got into an accident when he was 12, and it affected his voice box...it never matured. I'm in a wheelchair because of a neurological disorder, so who was I to judge, right? Lol. Well fast forward to the end of August 2013. He was supposed to be here September 1st, and around the end of August, I find out that he is actually a she. She told me that she never meant to hurt me, but once we began talking, she fell for me, and things just kept snowballing. She is a lesbian but has always identified as a guy (I'm not sure if I'm explaining that right, but she still has her girly bits, but she feels like she's a guy trapped inside a female's body). She is my best friend in the world, and I love her dearly, but I've never thought about being in a relationship with a girl. Since she told me that she's actually a girl, I've been questioning everything about myself. I generally watch lesbian porn, but I've never visualized myself in a relationship with a girl before. Is this just residual emotional feelings for this "guy" that I fell in love with, or could I actually be bi?
Welcome to EC, nolagirl! Wow, now that's a story and a half! We've had one story similar to this that I can recall, and it was quite a long thread (check out Rarareva's posts)...here's where the danger of labels makes itself felt most acutely. It's not a question of gender is it? I mean, we move on in life with a certain concept of ourselves, and of our sexuality without ever thinking too much about it, and then along comes a person who upsets the apple cart, and gets you to question your very core. Well, maybe because you have made this connection, because this person, this one person, has awoken in you something no other person could, that perhaps, just maybe you may find some stirring arousal that is inevitably linked to your emotional connection with her, and her alone. Let's call her Sarah...so maybe your orientation is "Sarah"...and leave it at that.
Thanks for the welcome, greatwhale You're so right! I think I'm just set on applying some type of structure to my life, and I think I maybe just need to come to terms that the gray areas of situations are fine, too. My main focus has been on "Am I this?" or "Am I that?" and not my feelings. I just need to focus on that and go with it. I did get a chance to read through Rarareva's epic thread, and it's given me a lot to think about. Thanks so much for directing me there!
hi nolagirl do you realize though that depending on how strong the feeling of the other person is, you are in a relationship with a man? You are not a lesbian and he is straight too. This is the way to look at it. That way even the physical intimacy will be easier, because no matter how his body looks, you will see a guy.
