First of all, i am 20 years old gay male in community college and in my whole life of having a guy friends, i have never fall for any of them until 3 months before. I was introduced to this guy by a friend of mine during summer (He doesn't know i'm gay). At first i don't have any feelings for him but after a month or so, i realized that i love him, the first guy that i actually love. I have never love another guy, but i know that i am sexually attracted to guys and fantasize about them. I believe that the reason i fell in love with him is because he gave me so much affection, unlike a guy friends should do, he hugged me even when we weren't that close, he got so excited every time i ask him to hang out and he even dare to pinch my nipple and make subtle touch. And so, ever since all my friends transferred to university during summer, the only person i hang out with, is him and one female friend and i love hanging out with them. Now that Fall quarter has started i still hang out with him after class. The problem is that i don't want to love him, i don't know if he is gay or not (i do sense a vibe from him) but even if he is gay, i don't want to be with him. Right now, he is like one of my closest friend in college. I love hanging out with him, i love talking to him, but it hurts because i don't want to love him while in fact, i do love him. It hurts to see when he hangs out with his other friend and i was never, i repeat. NEVER this clingy to my friends before (I feel really jealous), it feels like when i am with him, i am so happy and full with endorphin that i want to be with him all the time, and i don't want that to be that kind of person. So, is there anyway i can be friends with him without loving him? because i did try forgetting him (i went out of state for 2 months and i thought i have forgotten him, but when i got back, the feeling also came back). I want to keep my distance but he is a close friend and i don't want him to suspect a thing. My female friend told me to still hang out with him but don't text him. Is it possible the reason i love him because i am lonely? because right now i only have 2 close friend, while before i have many? i kinda doubt it. PS: In a really weird and unknown way, i seems can't fantasize about having sex with him despite him being cute, handsome, tall, funny. I just think that he is kissing/making out material, not sex material. :lol: Thanks for Answering! much appreciated!
Yes you can be friends with him without being in love with him, but the heart and the head do funny things. The less you communicate with him about your feelings, the more confusing the situation will become. What do you think the next level of relationship is? Trust level? The best romantic relationships come out of great friendships. That being said, why are you so scared of having more?
It is extremely scary to do, especially since you two are friends but try telling him what you have told us. As a friend, he might surprise you and be totally understanding or he could help you to deal with these feelings. But I know you said you don't want that - I'm just short of ideas at the moment. Sorry. But, yes, you can be friends without loving him. Instead of trying to forget about him, try just not thinking about him in that way. When you do think of him, tell yourself 'no, he is just a friend' and then force yourself to think about something completely different. It's easier said than done because you can't help who you fall for. The heart works in strange ways sometimes.
What if i am still in closet? no one knows that i am gay.. i should have wrote that. And i'm not planning to come out any sooner since i actually haven't been fall in "love" except for him.
The simplest adivice is sometimes the best, this has always work for me. /(The remedy for love is--land between.)\ You don't have to cut off contact with him, just don't spend so much time with him.
If you're pretty sure he's not interested in you, then try to dismantle that false hope you have in him. While it may be impossible to remove all your feelings, you can do a lot to avoid idealizing him as a potential mate. Think about your other friends you don't have feelings toward: why aren't you attracted to them? Use those reasons to apply it to this guy. Like newfrontiers mentioned, it sometimes helps to distance yourself from them.
The reason why i don't have feelings towards my other guy friends is that they treat me like i am normal guy. We do what normal guys do and we treat each other normally. While the guy that i fell to treat me kinda different, he sometimes touch me subtly, he likes to smile a lot to me. One time, he grab my thigh during dinner with other friends (people can't see it). That's why i kinda thing he is gay. While i never seen him talks about girls or have a girlfriend, he sometimes talk about his ex-girlfriend (which i never aware of). His sister also suspect he is gay and calls him gay a lot. *shrugs*
Hey there Unless your a Vulcan you can't just turn off your emotions to someone, it's a long difficult process that starts with having NO contact with the person for a period of time. If you do love him and you want more to happen then tell him how you feel, you may have found someone that will make you very happy for a long time. Just go for it. Life is about having fun.
