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Need advice with attraction to Closet Case Guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tango02, Oct 3, 2013.

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  1. tango02

    tango02
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    Hi,

    Let me start out by saying that I am not in the closet and have been an openly bisexual man for the most part. Almost all the men I have been involved with have also been out of the closet too. Recently I have found myself attracted to a guy who is clearly in the closet. He has dropped hints about his best friend being gay and things related to being a closet case, and has flirted with me.

    We have recently started seeing each other outside of work, though not in a romantic sense. He has been very eager to do a lot of car repairs for me at very steep discounts so I have been going over to his apartment where he lives with his girlfriend. We've been hanging out in the parking lot talking for long periods of time working on my car and his eye contact is definitely not that of a straight man.

    One of the odd things about his girlfriend is that it seems like a normal person would have introduced us, but instead she is kicked out of the apartment shortly after I arrive and I have to wait outside until she has left. This guy is clearly trying to keep us from seeing each other and being introduced.

    I'm not sure how interested I am in this guy, as he is from a much more blue collar background than i am, and I have low expectations for things to develop much further. There's just one thing about him that keeps me wondering and that's that I dream about him a lot at night, and I'm talking about a very unnatural amount of dreams.

    I guess I really need some advice from someone who might have a better understanding of what is going on with this guy. Like I said earlier, I have almost no experience dealing with closet case guys. On top of that I haven't really known this guy very long either.

    Thanks for any help with this matter
     
    #1 tango02, Oct 3, 2013
  2. resu

    resu
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    You could act innocent and ask why he doesn't want you to meet his girlfriend. Maybe he thinks she will catch on by the way he looks at you, or he could actually be trying to send signals he's not in a serious relationship (though, IMO, that is rude to keep stringing her along).

    You may be thinking of him because he is from such a different background and may fit with some type of fantasy you have. A hot, sweaty mechanic who's into you sounds like some kind of porn scenario, LOL.

    Maybe you could even out the relationship by telling him not to give steep discounts, especially if this is his main source of income and he is sacrificing a little too much to catch your attention. Actually, maybe it would help if you just visit him without coming for a repair. However, ultimately you will need to decide what boundaries you're willing to cross when he is still in a, theoretically, exclusive relationship with his girlfriend.
     
    #2 resu, Oct 3, 2013
  3. tango02

    tango02
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    You are so right about the fantasy part, but I think that was the case initially. With all the crazy dreams I've been having about this guy though, like 4 days out of 5, and sometimes half the night, dream after dream, I doubt that this is still the case. My whole life I never had so many dreams about anyone, even people I've been in love with in a long term relationship.

    He is not a mechanic by trade, so this isn't hurting his income, and I have wanted to ask him to do something socially, but he's been sending me seriously mixed signals, friendly one day and cold the next. Plus we work together and he acts completely different at work. I'm really in uncharted waters with this guy especially since I've never known anyone like him in a sexual/romantic sense. He's kind of an urban guy and I grew up the suburbs, which makes me completely unfamiliar with inner city closet case norms.
     
    #3 tango02, Oct 4, 2013
  4. resu

    resu
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    I can get his hot/cold feelings. I'm not out and that's how I act with all my crushes, mostly when other people are around or we're working together. It may be best to just find a way to talk to him alone outside of work or his apartment, such as for lunch or coffee. He may refuse outright, so you need to get something irresistible like a movie or concert. Being friends first so he is comfortable, but unfortunately there are no guarantees besides being more direct about your feelings.
     
    #4 resu, Oct 4, 2013
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