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Do your straight friends take bromance too far?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lil boi, Oct 5, 2013.

  1. lil boi

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    I'm not sure if any of you have a strong bond with a group of straight guys as I do, but even if you don't, you know how a group of straight guys tend to act with each other. For example, I have some "bromosexual" friends who are definitely straight but act gay sometimes. I don't know why they act "gay", but I'm guessing it's the same reason to why they act stupid. They're guys, we're guys, and I'm sure all of us guys has done or said some stupid stuff to each other. I just wished they wouldn't act so "gay" all the time though. I'm in the closet and they don't know that, but I always get caught up in the moment whenever they take the bromance a bit too far. I know it's just a jokingly way of showing each other affections, and I'm sure some girls do that to, but you don't see girls hitting each other in the private parts (besides the slap to the butt) but they definetly don't give each other purple nurples and other "brolestation" moves as guys do to each other. I mean I don't have too much of a problem with it, since I like getting close to people whether it's a physically like a hug or socially like talking about life, but I don't feel right since I'm secretly gay/bi and how they act kinda messes with my emotions while having the feeling of regret. They're like brothers to me and I can't imagine them being anything else. Honestly, it's just the feelings that are there, not the love, or at least not the romantic type of love. Sometimes I feel as if it's best if I didn't hang around with them so I wouldn't have these thoughts. I feel acceptence and closeness when I'm with them, but they tend to take things too far. But if I were to really think about it, it does bother me because they joke about these things way too much. I don't really enjoy acting stupid with them whether its the brolestation or just stupid things they do, but I kinda like having a brolationship in place of a real relationship. I don't know whether I hate them for it or love them for it. And this kinda mocks me since I can't find a relationship out with another person that's as close as these brolationships.

    Sorry if my brocabulary confuses you. (And don't worry, I don't actually talk like that, lol).
     
  2. Seraph

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    I can empathize this, I have experienced similar situations like above, for example, there is this guy who has a gf, and I know his gf, but still he always seek for the opportunity to touch me or even try to get reallll close to my face, like dude there's a line xD
    Or this one guy who intentionally tried to put his little weenie in my face multiple times while spotting for me to bench - when I asked wth was he doing, he just laughed and said "Oh I thought you'd like that" and kept on doing it some more... UGGGHHHH.

    I know boys will always be boys, but whether you're straight or not, they need to know that there is definitely a line between your bros and it is not a BLURRED one ._. ...
     
  3. lil boi

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    Wow, that must be annoying. If I were you I'd punch those guys in the face. I mean, if you guys aren't friends or anything then that's just wrong. I mean I don't mind my friends doing it to me because they're just joking around and tryin to get closer to me, but when some jerk is putting his stuff in my face just to mess with me then I might as well kick him there while he's off guard. But if he's a friend, then just tell him to seriously quit it if you'd don't like it. The first dude though, idk if he's your friend but if he isn't, that's a bit creepy. o_o
    If he is a friend though, then he's probably just trying to get closer to you, literally, lol.
     
  4. Seraph

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    They're all friend, not close though, the 2nd guy is an ex-friend now haha. I guess telling you that the second guy got send to jail for stealing will probably make you feel better xD?
    It's a long story, he got some mental issues which he would run away eventually and steal stuffs from acquaintance's house... anyways, haha that was a little off the topic.

    I hate it when they do that, sometimes those actions accidentally sprinkle false crushes into my mind and I just can't deal with it.
     
  5. Werbinich

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    Exactly, it is annoying and messes up my mind. All of the people who do similar things to me, attempting to kiss me, for instance, said that they are straight and none of them knew that their dear friend is gay. Yet I see them no more than just friends and he whom I have a crush on doesn't flirt (if this word is appropriate) with me at all and is extremely decent to me...that's probably why I fell for him in the first place...yet the bond I have with my crush is so much stronger than the ones I have with those who hit on me...in a they-call-it-friendly way.
     
  6. XBallantine

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    Hey guys!

    I'm in the same situation as all of you right now. The only difference is that it's just one guy, and we're basically alone with each other at college and do not have many other close mutual friends in our courses.
    He brings up 'gay people' quite a bit just casually, but he will not talk bad about them. We have had our 'moments' touching each other, and we sometimes even joke about how our relationship is so close, that I resemble the girl and he's the guy in the relationship (many more but I don't want to spam lol)

    Long story short, I do not see his motive to act the way he does, as NO ONE is there to see our jokes. This guy seems insecure about being together as he sometimes expresses his fear of 'looking gay' together. But in the end, he doesn't have a problem acting the way he does when no one is looking :S

    I have developed feelings for him only because I don't have anyone else in my college that I'm that close to. But I'm really questioning whether my feelings are just "bromance on overdrive" or not. Because I really CANNOT imagine an intimate relationship with him as I see him as a brother. But AT THE SAME TIME, I feel I want contact with him. Like I just want to be in his arms lol...sorry for being corny, but it's true.

    Whatever this feeling is, I feel like we should find other friends, because I don't want our friendship to be compromised if anything goes further than it is, i.e. either of us act on impulses etc. Plus, its becoming a toll on my emotions, which I can totally empathise in respect to your accounts!
     
  7. LILuke

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    My suite contains 8 immature twenty year old boys who are seemingly incapable of going more than fifteen seconds without making a sex joke. It is really...REALLY creepy sometimes.
     
  8. Pyrenees

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    I can't exactly relate to your situation, but I definitely know how you feel and where you're coming from!
    I'm out to my guy friends, but they still tend to mostly joke around with me. One guy in particular likes to pick me up and carry me to class. I'm apparently the baby of the group. It's super embarrassing for me but not for him! Although my guy friends joke with me, they don't take things super far because I set a firm boundary of what I believe is right and wrong.
    If they are your friends, then they will respect your wishes.




    ...and they like physical contact too. I don't even make the first move.
    I think you should stay close to your friends. They seem really important to you.
     
    #8 Pyrenees, Oct 7, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2013
  9. lil boi

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    @Dennisvkn:
    At least he's a friend. I know that's how my friends got closer to me. I mean my situation is with a group of guys, so they tend to do it all to each other so it doesn't seem as "gay" but more of a very close bromance. Idk about your friend though, seems like he's just trying to be super friendly with you. And sorry to hear about the other guy, I know some people who have mental problems.

    Yeah, I definitely know what you mean. >_<


    @Werbinich: Kiss you? That has NEVER happened to me. I mean maybe they've given me that one "look" where two people about to kiss and then reach out to each other, but then it's like "sike". But I think that happened only once or twice and the "reaching out for the kiss" part didn't exactly happen.
    But yes, the one I like doesn't seem to act "gay" in the way my close friends are with me. I mean I think I prefer it that way, since I can take him more seriously and vice versa. But I just feel too weird to do anything with him because of my crush on him, even though he's close friends with my group of friends and not as close to me. Maybe I should man up and talk to him more because I know he would probably like to get to know me better as a friend if I didn't act so careless around him. But I seem to have a closer bond with my group of friends rather than my crush, so you're lucky. If I was you I would have told him about all my secrets and then hang out with him as much as I could, then leave being gay as my last secret once we've become real close, if that guy you like also considers you close to.
     
  10. lil boi

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    @XBallantine: I'm kinda jealous of you but feel bad for you at the same time. I know people who sometimes are ashamed to be my friends just because of how I am sometimes, but then again I know it's only because they are afraid of what other people think of them for hanging around a guy like me. I mean I know how hard it is to be afraid and insecure about a lot of things so I don't blame them, but after I get real close to them, I really have to ask them if they do care to be my friend. I know it's a little harsh to be telling them this, but usually the reason why they want to be my friend is because they're not confident in their ownselves and need something to help them give them confindence.

    I feel you XBallantine. Like I said before, all my close friends are pretty much like brothers to me. Anyone close to me is like family, and that's why I haven't really been in a relationship. But just like you, I do want to be like in a relationship with my friends sometimes.


    LILuke, aha, I know what you mean. My friends aren't like this all the time, but when we chill all night at somebody's place, they're like constantly joking about sex and girls and anything perverted with each other. I don't see it as creepy, just irritating and stupid. And it really gets on my nerves when they go too far. And really, it's not just guys, the girls I hang around with tend to do the same when I spend the night hanging with them. They be talking about boys, being perverted, and talk about sex as well. Now THAT'S creepy.

    ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2013 at 10:55 PM ----------

    You're so lucky. I'm so jealoussss. I mean I could come out to my friends if I wanted to and I know they'll probably be fine with it, BUT I'm afraid they'll be more cautious around me so they don't hurt me in anyway since I have used to have a really sensitive side and used to be really shy. I'm close to them on a physical and social level, but not as close on the level of truthfulness and being real with them (though I am probably one of the closest ones they talked to about what's real with them). But yeah, if I was out, I think they would still joke around and get physical with me.
    Aha, and sometimes some of my group of older friends would carry me up depending on the situation. Or give me a big hug. Lol, even do that with some of them to, aha. Even though I'm small, I can surprisingly carry twice my own weight.
    And I'm not really embarrassed, maybe a little from them being a little cocky about it, but I'm still cool with it. I never set boundaries with anyone. I'm free to open up with anything anyone wants to know or do with me as long is it's not stupid. I actually don't mind if they would want to do anything crazy stupid like jump off a cliff, but if it's something a little stupid like mess around with girls, then no, I have boundaries with that. I just hope that when I do tell them, they won't set boundaries when their around me instead. I love how open they are socially and physically and I don't want to change that.

    And yes, my friends are one of the most impotant people to me and I hope they know that. Just wished they could be a little more serious at times and less thickheaded (something more serious other than girls and work. I mean if they would talk more serious about work to, I wouldn't mind that, but at least something OTHER than GIRLS).
     
  11. LILuke

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    No it's not the joking that's creepy, it's when Mike starts humping things that's creepy...
     
  12. lil boi

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    Well what does he hump? If he humps the wall or a stuff animal then that's creepy. But if he humps your other friends, then it's normal for a guy, in my opinion. My friends do that to each other all the time. Even some of my girl friends do that, lol. Maybe I just have perverted friends, or it's just an Asian thing, but I've seen that with lots of guys and their groups of friends. Well, as long as it's dry humping... if he's doing it naked, that's a whole different story... lol.
     
  13. LILuke

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    Walls, couches, the minifridge, people. Basically everything that moves.

    Maybe I'm just weird, I dunno but it creeps me out.
     
  14. lil boi

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    Well that is creepy. I mean walls and couches don't move but he still humps them. Minifridges don't move, but they run, lol. But seriously, he got problems if he's gonna be humping those things. the only thing that a person should hump that's not people is their bed and the air. Every thing else is just wrong. As long as he doesn't hump girls or children either. That's pretty much rape. But I'm sure the girl would have destroyed him if he tried to hump her. Anyways how did we start talking about humping? Lol. xD
     
  15. MC193

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    I embrace "brolestation" and all that good stuff. I love being touched by others. Although sometimes I wish I could take it as far as I really want to take it. I did have a great time yesterday because of some bromosexuality :wink:
     
  16. lil boi

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    Aha, I feel ya. I love being touchy with people or even anything even if it's a girl or a guy or just something that feels awesome, but guys just tend to have a different feel to them, if you know what I mean. And yeah, sometimes I have that moment of temptation where I am tempted to take things farther, but that's not how I really feel since I look at them as brothers and don't want lust to ruin it.

    And good for you that you don't feel awkward around them. Never let the bromance die! :grin:
     
  17. LILuke

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    Honestly I think he does it for attention. :dry:
     
  18. lil boi

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    Don't worry, I know people who are like that. It's annoys me. x( Then again, I try to get people's attention to, but never in that way.