Hello everyone, it's been quite a while since I've been quite busy with school. Apologies for that. Recently, my life has hit a tough patch (tougher than before) with parental affairs and financial issues. I still am the epitome of how a happy person should not be. Lately I've become very prone to loneliness and low-self-esteem. I'm still alone without a mate or any type of boyfriend or loving partner, but this time around, I start too see every boy I pass by as being beautiful and I tell people that all the time. My friends says there's something wrong with me and I think the same too. I just feel this strong urge to grab boys close and give the a hug and a kiss when they do pass by. I did pull someone by once on impulse (but no kiss) and I had to apologise for that. Is this a sign of desperation? Or is it something much worse? If it is, I might have to do something else. Thanks.
I don't think it's desperation, I think it's more an almost uncontrollable exuberance with the possibilities of encountering someone to love. I don't think it's something worse either, other than being starved for love among all your other troubles. I hope that by "something else" you mean getting help: a counsellor or anyone who can competently guide you through this difficult time. Please do not consider anything that might threaten your life...there is beauty everywhere and love is waiting for you.
At 16, it is perfectly normal and not strange to not have a partner. I believe that you are simply seeking physical closeness. A friend that would hug you and hold you and tell you that things will be all right. Try to ask someone you know for a hug (like: can I hug you for a while, I feel really down today. Can I lean against you/stay close etc) Do you know the Free hug happening? There is a reason for events like that. People need closeness and touches. Will a cyber hug do too? (((((hug)))))
It's not exuberance, (not long term at least as that feeling of hope dies out quickly once they leave) it's more like my heart or mind, whatever it is, telling myself to go kiss before I do something stupid. When they walk past it's like that feeling that goes, 'I wanna weep and have you hold me tight before something bad happens'. It feels really needy and empty. As for suicide lol, I have not the courage to commit such acts and I am bound to this plane until my parents receive the gift of assumption. And the trees in Vietnam are too tall up for me to hang myself off haha. Should I really go to a counsellor? It's normal to not have a partner at this age possibly, but I mean, I'd really want something like a once in a lifetime moment haha. Can I lean against you? Welcome to the leaning tower of Pisa. I think physical is part of it, but it's more than that, it's not like... just one cuddle, there's a part of me that says I want more, when my brain goes that direction. I've never really been physically intimate with anyone, and be honest no-one really wants to be physically intimate with me so it's scary and really difficult when I try to establish contact.
