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Friend taking me for granted or am I overreacting?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MoyashiAlice, Oct 8, 2013.

  1. MoyashiAlice

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    Hi~

    So, I've had this friend for about eight years now (Let's call her S). We've always gotten along until fairly recently, when I realized I was getting kind of annoyed with her.

    S has this bad habit of complaining...about everything. Before she only used to do it a bit but now every time I talk to her, she says things like, "My life is a mess, I'm so tired, I'm working too hard, I've lost weight, etc." Whenever I try to offer some solutions to make her load less, she instantly rebuffs them. Yet at the same time, I know S has got a lot on her plate. She is in her first year at uni, and has to get up at 5 am everyday. Both of her parents are unemployed and she is working many hours at her job.

    I get all that, and understand it. What bothers me is that I'm worried that S is taking way more from me then I receive. When I invite S somewhere, she normally says that she is busy or that her mom can't go. Yet if it is something to do with her (my family paying her to feed our pets while we were away on vacation, taking her to do volunteer hours with us or giving her a drive somewhere) She is always 100% available. When my job had an opening, I told S and she got the job. A short time later, I was fired and am currently unemployed. Yet now, when I talk to S about work all she does is complain about it, the pay rate, etc when before she complained nonstop about being unemployed.

    When I was considering coming out to S, I tried to give her hints yet she would always brush them off. She said a lot of things like "Yeah, being gay is not part of my culture/religion" and "I wouldn't want a friend who was gay." She did accept me when I eventually told her and said "I had a thought that you might be bi." Which kinda made me wonder, why would she say those things earlier if she though I was bi? Finally, I went through a really rough depression/mental health phase for a year and a half. The whole time, S didn't notice a thing. Thought I didn't tell her so, maybe that's my fault...

    Anyway, what do you guys think? Is S a good friend who is just struggling with her life right now. Or is she kind of using me?
     
  2. LD579

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    I don't think she's consciously using you. Some people just generally behave a certain way. Some complain often, some are more closed-off, some don't pick up on subtleties... It really just sounds like she complains often and has a larger focus on herself than on others. In contrast, it seems as though you're more mindful of others and of the effects of complaining often. If she is annoying you, feel free to spend less time with her and so on. It could be as simple as that. If you'd like, an honest talk with her about these things isn't out of the question either. It's possible she'd take your words the wrong way, though, so honestly it's up to you for what your planned course of action would be.
     
  3. MoyashiAlice

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    Thanks that was really good advice. :slight_smile: