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GF breaking up with me bc of identity

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jcleverone, Oct 8, 2013.

  1. Jcleverone

    Regular Member

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    Hello....
    I'm new to this but I think it may be a great way to get some real thoughts and advice on my current "break up" situation.

    My ex and I just recently fairly 6 months new decided to take a break. Pretty much 6 weeks later (now) I am now having a difficult time with the reasons for it.

    My ex has always had an issue that I am not fully out to my family. Our friends and her family know and they are as it appears 100% supportive. I on the other have only told my mom about a year ago and she appeared to be supportive. But I recently just told her my coming out story and the fact that I am no longer with my GF. She was open to it and supportive. I would say that my dad brothers and sister don't know and I do feel that they wouldn't judge me. It's just something I honestly haven't done.

    Back the the ex. She feels I have these insecurities about being gay or being with with. She claims she wants someone that is proud of her and the relationship. In which I am! For some reason she gives me a hard time about not taking the step when in fact I have. Maybe slowly but on my schedule and time. Now! It's turned into a break up. It frustrates and angers me that it led to this and doesn't seem fair. I've started to wonder if there are other reasons bc if anything all she had to do was accept and support my timing. I guess she just can't or couldn't.

    Now... She is saying she owes this to herself and she feels maybe she wants to experience new things.
    We haven't spoke. She has shown no concern. Hasn't given me any solid communication about this and pretty much feels like I shoved in the corner to deal with it.

    I know we all handle things differently.
    Sucks to be like someone is forcing you to change your identity. I'm the with who I am and what I had with her. I guess we are at different places In our life. I'm 30. We we same age she's 29.

    Anyways any advice thoughts would be great.
    Thanks
     
  2. bazinga91

    Regular Member

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    To me I feel like she used that as an excuse to put all the guilt on you, when in reality she couldn't be honest with you and say that maybe she wanted something different, or it wasn't working out.. she wants you to feel bad about it to make herself feel better if that makes any sense.. how she handled the situation was completely wrong and who nonchalant she is about it makes me question how much she cared.. I honestly think you deserve someone who treats you better then that.. you came out to your mother and coming out is a tough process and she of all people should understand and not push you too hard.. you shouldn't feel guilty, maybe part of her feelings are valid and she felt you didn't want to tell because you weren't fully committed etc., but that shouldn't be the basis of a breakup, she should have communicated with you and worked it out... the main point being I feel she had other reasons and was trying to make herself feel better by blaming it on you.. you deserve better, and I know it hurts and sucks for lack of a better word, but at least you know she wasn't the right one, and get back out there! There is someone so much better who will treat you the way you deserve