lately I've been feeling really ambivalent about dating. On the one hand it'd be cool to have a boyfriend but I think it'd be better for me to not date anyone because all my past dating experiences have made me very depressed. My first boyfriend always made me feel like shit because he'd condescend to me and insult my body and say my penis was too small and that I wasn't good enough, and my second boyfriend never showed any interest in me and later turned out to be straight. After that I tried just casually hooking up with a couple guys but that always left me with mixed feelings, and I didn't feel good about it. Now whenever I think of being in a relationship, while it always seems like it'd be really fun, it makes me also really depressed. I also just don't know how to meet guys. Like for real there are already so few guys who are actually compatible with my orientation, how can I find anyone who I like and who likes me back? I'm a teenager in high school and I can't drive so it's not like I can just hop over to a bar or something. Idk I'm joking about that, I don't think it's a good idea for me to be in a relationship
You're heaps young and young guys like you need to learn how to be patient. You probably don't wanna hear that, but its the truth. Counting the number of times you've referenced to being with guy at all (irrespective of how they turned out) you're doing FINE. There are plenty of guys who don't meet anybody at all, so consider yourself lucky. At your age, half those "few guys" who might be compatible with your orientation may still be in the stage where they are struggling to come to terms with their identify, if at all they are even aware, so it'd only make the quest for a good BF that much harder. Give it a few more years... And I would say not to worry about those ambivalent feelings about dating. It seems directly related to your bad past experiences and that is not a good window through which to look and think about the future. One day somebody is going to cross your path and you're gonna fall for them, hard, and all that ambivalence is gonna go fleeing out the window.
You are still fifteen (not that I am any older, though)! You don't need to make too many rash choices now. It's great that you had accepted the fact that you're gay and all, but be patient, believe me, I'm still waiting and time alone will explain everything. Your Mr. Right will come along later in life. Now it's the time for you to gain experience and learn from it. Wait for it! and Good Luck!
