Hey guys! Wow, it's been a really, really long time since I've been on here. I've been having one hell of a crazy life. I'm over Sebastian, and I've moved on since then. So I've been chatting with this guy, we'll call him Mike, for a little over a month, and I think he's pretty awesome. He just graduated from university last summer, and he's working as a medical radiation technologist now. He's super friendly and seems far more stable than my ex ever was, which I think is way better for me. We really hit it off, so we're meeting for coffee later after work/class at 7:15 PM - I got the balls to ask him earlier this week and he said yes . Anyways, I'm kinda nervous, and I don't really know what the "rules" of first dates are. I don't consider my first date with Sebastian to be a good indicator because I was a closet case then, so... What do you guys think? Any advice for my first date?
Hey Aaron! Great to see you here again (I'm smiling from ear to ear). Great also to see you've picked yourself up, it's the only way to get on with your life, just try again! First dates are there for one purpose only: to learn as much as you can about the guy, without laying your entire life story to him (leave a little mystery). Avoid going into too much detail about Sebastian, and certainly avoid any negative comments about him, it will reflect badly on you. Simply say it didn't work out, if he presses further, have another superficial answer ready (without lying). You should definitely find out about any of his past relationships, and see how he talks about it (but don't dwell on it, there are far more interesting topics to discover). Other than that, just make sure you establish beforehand that you will split the bill wherever you go to meet him (that way no one feels obligated), and enjoy yourself!
Thanks greatwhale! It's great to see you too - I've missed EC, and now that I've picked myself up, I'm back now . My thoughts exactly! If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm generally a very outcome-driven person, so I don't see a lot of point in dwelling over what I've lost - I just view it as an opportunity to gain something else. Life has its highs and its lows - the sooner one accepts that, the sooner one can be happy. Oh, so you're the Mr. Mystery type, I take it? :lol: But seriously, you're right, it's good to leave a little left to discover. After all, half of a relationship is the excitement of discovery. Way ahead of you! We've chatted about this over text. I just said that it didn't work out for me and Sebastian, mainly because we were in different places in our lives and wanted too different of things out of the relationship. He said it was basically the same for him, but he's moved on too. He's also looking for something serious and long-lasting, which is exactly what I want, so I don't have to worry about him having the same commitment issues Sebastian had. Already did that! He's moved on. It's been a while for him too, so that's good as well. He doesn't have negative feelings towards his previous relationship - he just basically had the same problem I had, and so it didn't work out. I'm a bit of a traditionalist, so I just kind of assumed that I'd be paying because I asked him out... do you think that's okay? Definitely .
^Of course it's OK if you pay, but just be careful about expectations. If, during the course of your date, you find out something so irreconcilable with your values that you can't wait for it to be over...well you've paid for the meal. One more point; the way people handle money is a very good clue as to their character, by arranging in a advance to split the bill, you will also be learning something about him and how he responds to that arrangement. Three things can reveal a person very well: money, anger and alcohol, by the end of this first date, you may at least get to see two (anger would be unfortunate!)
That's a very good point, and though I highly doubt that would happen, you never know. Perhaps I could just judge his body language when the bill arrives? Alcohol isn't served where we're going, I always make sure of that for a first date... I prefer guys to be sober the first time so I can get a feel for what they're really like. But next time I'm sure I'll get to see the flip side! :lol:
It was okay, not that great. Turns out we don't have that much in common - we just don't value the same things in life I think. But he hugged me at the end, and I have a soft spot for hugging, so I'm hesitation. But I don't know, I don't really think there's chemistry. I think he might think there's chemistry, though, so that makes it tough. I don't want to hurt him - how should I let him down easily? I hate having to do these sorts of things...
Simply tell him by phone that you don't think it's going to work out, and do it tomorrow at the latest. A little pain now when it doesn't matter is better than a big pain down the line!
I friend-zoned him over text last night, but he hasn't responded so I'm guessing he's not into just friends. Whatever, hopefully I'll have better luck next time.
