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my straight friend is now refusing

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sandy, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. sandy

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    13 October 2013 - 02:35 PM
    i fell in love with my straight colleague.though he fulfilled my desire many times but to some extent unwillingly.many times he tried to keep distance from me but i insisted and he agreed only for once more. then again started refusing and i again tried hard to make him agree.
    this has been the pattern of our relation for twelve years.he is the most handsome guy in the world. i love him badly and think about him most of the time. neither he was completely in nor completely out of this relation.he is 55 years old and suffering from decreased platelates 125000 to be exact.
    i feel he is not so sick.he looks almost ok
    now he says i am sick etc and cant support you.
    i see he runs after his wife like a mad dog.
    i feel rejected and jealous. now we work in different institutions.i tried to leave him many times.but after two three days i again phone him to invite.but he is not ready to come i feel rejected,insulted,lonely ,sad and jealous.
    what should i do ?
     
  2. Gravity

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    First of all, from the former of these two snippets from your post, it sounds like he was always a little hesitant about your situation - even if it was for twelve years. You can convince someone to *do* something, but you can't convince them to *feel* a certain way if they don't feel that way on their own.

    And in all honesty, as for the latter of the two bits from your post - it's not really your call to decide if he's sick or not. Nor is it his wife's, just to be clear. It's between him and his doctor, and even if he looks okay, there may be something serious going on, and he has the right to respond to that emotionally.

    It's understandable that you feel rejected - over twelve years, you obviously set yourself up to feel invested in this guy, and he probably felt the same on some level too. But, if what he needs is to be with his wife and have some space between you two, then that's just what he needs right now. I can't say anything that will make you feel better overnight, but if you do care about him and this is what he needs, maybe you can at least try to take comfort in that.
     
  3. Lexington

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    If I'm reading your post correctly....for the last twelve years, you've manipulated him into being your sexual partner. And each time he tries to break it off, you play as many cards as you can to get him to return.

    What should you do? Find somebody who actually DOES want to be with you. Without the manipulation and games.

    Lex
     
  4. sandy

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    Actually because he doesnt care for my feelings i want to leave him. I tried many times but couldnt. His memories haunt me.
    The best way for that is to find his substitute.
    But the problem is how to search his substitute ?
     
  5. Lexington

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    The three things that get you over a failed relationship are time, distance and other things to focus on. Time will take care of itself. The other two are your responsibility. Keep your distance, and focus on other things. Not necessarily another boyfriend, but work, hobbies, friendships.

    Lex
     
  6. LD579

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    You can't force someone to be with you. If he's unwilling — and it really, truly seems like he is — then you can't do much else besides work on yourself and move on with your life. No one can substitute him, which is neither good nor bad. Try to look for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship this time around and you and the guy would likely be a lot happier. I agree with everything that Lex and Gravity have said as well.