1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Major Screwup...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Closetedteen, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. Closetedteen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    So I went on a yearly trip for cross country this weekend up to Fresno with most of the team, boys and girls included. On the trip I was very open about my sexuality and nobody really judged me for it. If anything they respected me for being so open about it. Everything was going great and everyone was having fun until the bus ride on the way back on saturday. The bus ride on the way back has a history of kissing dares and such. One of the dares involved my friend M being blindfolded, and getting kissed by three girls. He then had to guess the order. He specifically stated for me not to kiss him. I kissed him... :bang: He found out I had kissed him after the bus ride.
    He was one of the first people I told about my sexuality and one of first people to accept me for it. When I first told him about my sexuality I promised him that nothing like this would happen. I betrayed his trust and seriously embarrassed him in front of our team. Immediately I regretted my actions and felt awful about what I had done... I've betrayed his trust and I troubled a lot of my friends about my self-control and my sexuality... I think we're going to be able to get through this but I'm not really sure what to do. Today, Monday, I missed school because I was feeling terribly sick, but I heard that a lot of people are talking about it and I feel even worse because my friend M has to put up with all of that. He has always been there for me, through my problems with my own sexuality and through my horrendous breakups. I can never repay him for the help he's given me. I seriously hurt him and now I don't really know what to do to make this better. Anybody have any ideas or been in a similar situation? :help:
     
  2. confused1234

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2013
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    I did something very similar a few months ago, so I feel for you. I was out to only this friend at the time, and I came on to him pretty hard and pretty blantently when I was drunk. There were a lot of other people around, and I made a fool of myself and embarrassed him.

    First of all, you need to apologize if you haven't already. Make sure you do it in person. Tell him what you've already told us: that you feel awful and that you betrayed his trust. Then you need to give him space. He's almost certainly going to need it.

    After that, what happens is really up to him. He might be able to laugh this off in a few days, or it might take longer. It took my friend months to be comfortable around me again, and I still don't think he completely trusts me, but our friendship is mostly back to normal.

    Just give him time and do your best to earn back his trust. Time heals most wounds.
     
  3. Closetedteen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thank you. We've discussed it a bit over text and we both tried to avoid it yesterday when we saw each other. I plan on making a proper, private apology to him tomorrow when I see him at school or maybe before practice.

    As for giving him space, we usually sit together at the same lunch table with a few other people. Do you think i should sit at a different table for a while(it might be hard to find one as I'm not the most social person)? or should i just avoid sitting directly next to him?

    I think we'll be able to reach a point where things go back to normal but it definitely will take some time.
     
  4. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Tell him what you told us, preferably not in a crowd since that will make it more embarassing.

    I should really read before I post. Anyway, there's not much you can do but show that your sorry and let him come around.
     
  5. Closetedteen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I think I finally figured out what's going on inside my head... I still have feelings for him. I hate to admit that instead of dealing with them I've just been pushing them off. I have to face facts and deal with my feelings for him so that he can be comfortable around me and so I never do anything like this again. Do you guys think I should tell him how I feel and what I intend to do, or should I just keep this to myself? I don't want to make things worse.
     
  6. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    One of the most difficult things to do in this situation is to make yourself fully emotionally vulnerable. Just tell him that you feel like crap, that it was a very, very disrespectful and stupid thing to do, that you deeply value and appreciate his friendship and don't want to do anything to further jeopardize it.

    I would probably avoid telling him you have feelings for him, *unless* he directly asks you, because lying is not going to be helpful. If he does directly ask, I think perhaps you could say something to the effect that you deeply value his friendship and you'd be crazy not to wish more was possible, but you totally realize that it never will be, and you want to respect and appreciate him as your friend, and want to ensure that you do everything possible to restore the bond of trust.

    Emotional vulnerability territory is hard for any teens, and straight guys often have more difficulty with it than gay guys... but under the circumstances, I think he'll "get it" and appreciate it, even if the conversation is a little uncomfortable.