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Self Disclosure about Mental Illness

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by pinklov3ly, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. pinklov3ly

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    Perhaps, I should have added this in the anonymous section, but for those of you who are not afraid to openly discuss your own mental illness, which you have been properly diagnosed with, please I'd love to hear your feedback.

    I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 22 years old, but I am currently not taking any medication due to the side effects. I will admit that my mental illness has affected the majority of my romantic relationships, however, unbeknownst to the person I was dating at the time. I've never really felt comfortable talking about my mental illness with anyone I have dated, expect for a few people. The stigma behind mental illness is very negative, so I made a conscious decision to keep it to myself due to a bad experience. I've had one person use it against me and it hurt me really bad and I do not want to see that happen again. So, when is it a good time to tell your significant other that you have a mental disorder? Before you become official or after?

    I recently decided to my girlfriend that I am bipolar because I have been acting a bit unusual. I am currently going through a mixed state of emotions, so I had to come clean. I know it was probably a bit of a shocker because I seem normal. I have been managing my illness very well and I know my triggers. However, her reaction wasn't all that great, which has made me think twice about our future. The minute I summoned up the courage to tell her, this happens :eusa_doh:

    She said that she was mad that I did not tell her sooner, but I was not ready to do so. Not only that, I told her that I used to self harm, so may be it was a bit too much all at once. The reason why I decided to tell her that specifically was because she noticed marks on my body that never healed properly. I know that no one will ever understand why I chose to self harm to cope with my pain. I don't expect her to understand at all; I just suddenly felt ready to open up.

    I have taken a social psychology class while in school and I learned that self disclosure is a work in progress. I don't feel like I was wrong for not telling her sooner, but now, I just wish I could take it all back. I don't feel like she's judging me, and I will give her time to absorb everything. I gave her an open window to discuss any and everything, but she chose not to. I will give her credit because she did some research about bipolar disorder, which is a good sign because she did it on her own free will. I haven't spoken to her and I am bit worried, because this window closes in the next 24 hrs. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #1 pinklov3ly, Oct 15, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2013
  2. Californiacoast

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    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. The reality is that statistics show a high level of mental illness in the LGBTQ community, so most people on EC either are or know some one affected. I personally believe honesty is the best policy. How are you going to hide something like mental illness anyway? Why not make the person you care about a part of your support team too! If they can't handle that, fair enough, but you want someone who will love you for all of you. I am pretty sure they aren't perfect and need to share some of their issues too!

    The good news is that mental illness is treatable, and while not perfect, you can lead a very good life with love and career and hope. :thumbsup:
     
  3. bingostring

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    I think not to keep it a secret too long
    at least 'allude' to it early on (by saying you have suffered from depression before)
    and then give the bare truth when things are looking more serious - they should be trusting and understanding

    this is to your prospective partner... nobody else needs to know

    Unfortunately you are in the hands of the person receiving the news (and their prejudices/ experience) and so there is no single answer to this. You have to trust your own gut feeling.

    BTW: Have you spoken to a qualified psychiatrist about side effects of meds - there are plenty of milder meds around that may suit you. I personally would not just trust a regular doctor on this but ask to see a specialist who knows. It might just improve what you are dealing with?
     
  4. Miss Loopy

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    All in my name dear!

    I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at a very young age
    Then when I was twelve they decided I was bipolar

    This merged to become Schizoaffective!

    I am also ICD apparently
     
  5. Fugs

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    I'm diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic tendencies, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder. Legally I'm mentally disabled, the question of "why don't you work" or my boyfriend asking why I'm so weird that day makes keeping secrets near-impossible. I'd suggest keeping it to yourself if it doesn't have the chance to affect anyone else.

    Like for me, voices telling me to hurt people and major bouts of massive depression tend to have an impact on those around me. So I get to tell everyone how crazy I am.
     
  6. pinklov3ly

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    Thank you!! And you're right, I should make my girlfriend a part of my support team, instead of excluding her.

    ---------- Post added 16th Oct 2013 at 02:25 PM ----------

    Yes, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist that I had been seeing since I was 18 years old. I've tried different medications, some made me nauseous, gain weight, and a bit delusional. However, I have found one medication that works well, but it's not cheap. I can afford it now, but I feel like I'm okay without it.

    And I have discussed things with my girlfriend, but things are a bit awkward. The media makes it seems like everyone who suffers from mental illness is a threat to society. And that's simply not true, but there's nothing I can do about that.

    ---------- Post added 16th Oct 2013 at 02:37 PM ----------

    Miss Loopy, thank you for being so open and honest. It makes me feel so much better that I am not alone.

    Fugs, thank you for being so honest about your feelings because I know it's not easy. And I thought the same thing, that if it doesn't have an affect on anyone then I should keep it to myself. However, it does and I just felt like she deserved to know why I act a bit odd. I tend to ramble and talk about random things. I over analyze everything and I think was too much, which causes headaches. Then there's my insomnia, which causes sleep deprivation and then I get cranky, so yeah.
     
  7. srslywtf

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    Diagnosed: mild bipolar, fairly severe social anxiety

    Anxiety is pretty much dealt with now (finally).. the bipolarness.. depressive states i can handle - its the rash decisions during manic phases that really fuck me up. That said i could have it alot worse than i do...


    Oh and a former addict - if you consider that a mental illness.
     
  8. bazinga91

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    I have generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and ADD, I understand the stigma issue I feel the same way.. its scary telling people and I feel embarrassed in a way, like I cant be normal without medication type thing.. also the media portrayal kinda sucks. However I have learned that there are those who are supportive and understanding and just all around great support systems, however there will be those who just treat you like a problem. For your own sake it is best to keep them at a distance, but I would now rather tell people before I get to close to them in fear of rejection or criticism.. I think the fact that your girlfriend looked up bipolar disorder is amazing and should def be credited in her favor. My girlfriend has not made any of those efforts. Sometimes she is there and understanding other times she isn't.. there are also times when she rubs the panic attacks and episodes in my face afterwards and that just sucks. Give her some time let it sink in sometimes how they respond is not only because of shock, but I know that my girlfriend (not that its ok) acts mean because she is afraid for me, and wants to protect me but cannot protect me from this if that makes sense
     
  9. pinklov3ly

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    Hi, bazinga91, thank you for sharing your feelings. I also suffer from anxiety, but I am trying my hardest to deal with it especially when my girl wants to go out. She doesn't get that I am secretly freaking out the entire time, but I mostly laugh it off. However, being with her, I have learned to relax a bit, so I am making progress.

    I am sorry that your girlfriend hasn't taken the time to educate herself on your illnesses because it is very important. My girlfriend said something to me that is considered a trigger for me and I felt compelled to tell her. And she thought that I was overreacting/being dramatic and it made me angry. I felt like she was wrong for trying to tell me how I should have reacted, but everything is okay now. I totally understand what you mean by your girlfriend being mean because that's how my girlfriend is. She can be very harsh without the intention of trying to hurt my feelings, but then again, I think she does it to get attention from me. So, it is difficult when you're with someone who does not understand what you're going through.
     
    #9 pinklov3ly, Oct 16, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2013
  10. Arlo85

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    I used to suffer from serious, incapacitating, social anxiety. Now, yrs later, its more just a general anxiety, plus a good deal of stress & depression. & OCD, just to make things even more fun. Never been on meds for any of it, but have seen a few psychologists over the yrs.

    Iv never had a relationship so i duno how id handle disclosing info in that situation, i just know that when my health first deteriorated, i lost almost every single 1 of my so called friends. Either they were freaked out or just didn't believe me. So i tend to keep myself to myself now. Its easier that way. Less painful.
     
  11. MoyashiAlice

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    I have marked social anxiety disorder since I was eight and general anxiety disorder. I have had depression, panic attacks, PTSD, nightmare disorder, etc. I know it's hard, I wish you all the best. :slight_smile:
     
  12. srslywtf

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    Would be intetesting to know if/why theres a link between lgbtqetc and anxiety...
    Perhaps its born out of all the straight/gendershaping influences applied to everyone from birth? I mean i can point to things in my life that contributed to my anxiety... but i know people whove been theough similar and not been messed up by it.
     
  13. bazinga91

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    pinklov3ly it is just sometimes very difficult being in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand and when my girlfriend tells my that I am overreacting of being dramatic, it gets me SO angry. Its very difficult to understand how certain triggers or circumstances make me feel and how completely overwhelming it gets, and I am not being dramatic it is how I feel, and no matter how ridiculous it may seem to others it real.. I think that people who don't have to deal with crippling anxiety cannot fully understand, it seems dramatic to them.. my parents used to think I was looking for attention or overreacting my whole life with my anxiety.. they would get mad or just huff and puff and walk away, however about 2 years ago one of them randomly began having serious anxiety and now they are all hyper sensitive to my feelings and are like super understanding.. in a way its like karma is a bitch as horrible as that might sound. I just think people will never understand until they, personally experience it