Most gay guys seem to find it hard to find a bf. I'm not like most people I'm very shy. So if someone normal can't get a bf I have no chance. Therefore should I just forget about being gay. As surely if I'm never going to have a relationship then my sexual orientation is inrevelant. I might as well be just the guy who never been with a girl. Perhaps I would become happier if I just accepted that I'm never going to have a relationship and tryed to forget about it all. Yet deep down I know that this is going to be difficult to do. \Should I just forget about being gay and pretending that relationship don't exsist or are something that other people do?
I mean, if having a relationship and stuff is something you want, I don't think it'd be fair to yourself to lock it away and give up. I have social anxiety, it's hard for me to talk with people I don't know, but I'm not gonna let it stop me from living my life and hopefully having a relationship with someone. I'm starting to really try more at fighting it, cause it's not gonna ruin my life. But that's just me, you do what you need to do for yourself, you know?
You deserve love like anyone else, but paradoxically you may find it by not looking, but rather being open to possibilities. It's not happier you need to be, but rather at peace with yourself and with who you are. Whether you give it up or not, "it" will still be there, the gods will not let you off the hook on that one. You deserve love like anyone else, and there is always someone for someone, it happens. There are ways to overcome shyness, you can learn this, with some help.
This sounds like "catastrophising" and a complete negative trait which you need to (i) recognise and (ii) deal with because it risks getting you nowhere other than in to a very difficult place. You have as much right and chance at a relationship as anyone else on... this... planet. The trouble is... if you believe in these negative thoughts then you will certainly not get out of the starting blocks and even try anything. The trait you exhibit is "everything must be black or white" ... and "grey does not exist". Well, the news is that life is all different shades of grey. My thought is that if you are certain about your true sexual orientation that is the foundation for everything else. i.e.: search out the gender you are attracted to. And trying to 'forget about it all' is just going to push things under the rug where they will come back to bite you later via depression or similar ...
gibson234, don't listen to that voice, the one saying that you are not worth it. Not capable of finding someone. Shy is not necessarily a turn off, but not accepting yourself is. Yes, we are a diverse group. I wish I had the confidence in myself that I've seen around in here on EC. But take if from someone who didn't face things soon enough, who spent years growing numb: its not worth it. Its not worth loosing yourself and hiding. If you are gay, then be gay. Start there, yes, let it lead you where it will. Make friends that are right for you. Start by loving yourself enough to give it a chance.
I tried doing that. I'd say it worked for about 4 years, and then again only because I wasn't exposed to that many people my age who could be potential crush material. It all came crashing down at the beginning of my sophomore year in college, when I met a girl and had a huge crush on her. Then I had to completely reorganize my frame of thought, which took me a while. Instead of "forgetting you're gay," why don't you just live your life as a single gay guy who's waiting for The One? No shame in that,and you won't have to ignore a part of yourself, either.
I know a whole bunch of bi/gay men. I feel that there are a lot who are actually great guys. Do you have a lgbt center in your vicinity? If not, you have the internet. My best friend found all his boyfriends from there. Keep looking and I really hope you find some one amazing!
If you think you can never get a bf, because you simply have no gaydar or like it would be too hard for you, simply meet someone at like a gay bar or something. You know? like at a place where its like if you are checking a guy out he's definitely gay, and so are you. One day my friend, one day. <3
