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Help me please, I am socially inept..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by agf, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. agf

    agf
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    So I'm in college and there's this girl in one of my classes who I've developed a huge crush on. She is so adorable and sweet and funny and totally my type. Plus, I'm pretty sure she's also gay and might actually like me back. ^-^ For several weeks I've noticed her looking at me a lot, and when I look back she looks away. For a while we never talked, but a few days ago she went out of her way to introduce herself to me (actually followed me somewhere to do so..) and she was super sweet and we had a short conversation about where we're from, etc. I saw her again this morning and I wanted so badly to talk to her, but she was sitting and talking with other people on the side of the room so I couldn't without looking strange, and when there finally was an opportunity, I completely froze and couldn't think of one thing to say. :eusa_doh:

    I just want her to know how lovely I think she is, but I'm afraid that I will never be able to actually say that, and she'll never know, even if I do work up the courage to talk to her. It's driving me crazy because this could be a good thing, but my own lack of social skills and paralyzing fear is ruining it. How do you think I should approach this?
     
  2. cdk

    cdk
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    Try and approach her next time, and ask do you want to hang out some time, grab a coffee or lunch. If that seems daunting, perhaps try and get her as a friend on facebook and talk through that way if you are comfortable in doing so. Don't lose this opportunity!
     
  3. resu

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    Also, you could ask to study with her or work on an assignment together. This could be tied with getting lunch/coffee.
     
  4. gibson234

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    Tbf I've had almost the exacult same experience this week with a guy. Kinda of werid that. Anyone after I didn't talk to him when he was with someone else, I talked to him today briefly (asking him about coursework). So I'd say the same to you dw just talk to her when she is alone and u have a opportunity.
     
  5. Sartoris

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    Speaking in terms of general social anxiety, which I have enough trouble with without crushes :confused:, this will probably sound extremely vague and general but I'd try to emphasise not overthinking anything. I've tended to find it easier to interact with people I want to talk to, hang out with, etc. when I don't get into the mindset of, "Ok, I need/want to talk with this person."

    However, I don't mean you shouldn't try to assert yourself, 'cause that is important, but do so in such a way that you both open yourself to opportunities to interact as well as create them, if necessary. When you do have future ones to talk with her, again don't overthink it. Just think of what you'd say or ask any friend/acquaintance you know if you had the chance to chat with them. "Hey, how've you been?, Your classes going well?," etc.

    Hope that helps somewhat. :slight_smile:
     
  6. agf

    agf
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    Alkdjg;sdf.

    I saw her today. We were at a class get-together and we sat down to eat, and she sat right next to me, like super close, and I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest. "Okay, stay calm. OMG I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THIS SHE IS RIGHT HERE. Wow, she smells nice and look how pretty her eyes are.. DON'T SAY SOMETHING STUPID" was basically my mental process.. She started talking to me and I was so nervous that I probably sounded like an idiot and my hands were visibly shaking. >.< I am so damn stupid. I was sitting kind of turned away from her and I'm pretty sure I seemed disinterested, even though she's all I can think of lately and she's so wonderful and lovely and all I want is to get to know her more. She left early and I didn't even say goodbye to her. I am an enormous failure.
     
    #6 agf, Oct 26, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2013
  7. cdk

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    You are not a failure! You've made a HUGE first step which is a plus! Try to get to know her a bit more and try to see her as a human with faults just like us. Play it cool, kiddo!
     
  8. soulodolo

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    haha this sounds way too familiar. I have a huge crush on this guy at my work and I pretty much went through the same thing while getting to know him. I was always so hard on myself if he walked passed me and I didn't say anything or if I was leaving and didn't say bye. but don't give up. your gunna be nervous and make an idiot out of yourself but it's normal. keep starting conversations with her and when your comfortable ask her out to lunch. I started talking to my crush a little bit here and there and once I had the opportunity and the confidence, i offered him a ride home. HE SAID YES! I was so happy and I got to know him a little better. but now I'm stuck again and don't know how to ask him for his number or if he wants to hang out. I just don't want to be rejected or find out that he's straight. but anyways good luck and keep at it. and try not to be so hard on yourself.
     
  9. RyanCJJ

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    There's really nothing much to be nervous about, the fact that she's been noticing you recently might be that she's interested in being friends with you or bringing it to a higher level? She might also be shy since she's only sticking with that group of friends. Initiate a conversation with her and get to know her better. Good luck (Y)
     
  10. oh my god I

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    Awwww :frowning2: don't beat yourself up. She probably didn't think any of the negative things you thought about yourself. I know how hard it is, OMG especially if your hands shake and somebody notices, but you know what??? When I have told people about it, usually they just don't care. They don't think any less of me for it.

    Please be nice to yourself. You sat next to her and talked to her!! That is a big success :slight_smile:
     
  11. agf

    agf
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    So I texted her the other day. She hadn't given me her number, but it was available through an event that the class did. I thought I'd be Miss Confident and just say "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you more because you seem really sweet.. hope you don't mind my getting your number indirectly." She replied nicely and thanked me for reaching out, but then went to bed and has never texted me since. >.< She does make an effort to talk to me in person and she's very sweet, but I still feel that I annoyed her because she never texted me again.

    I suppose the thread title is still painfully accurate..
     
    #11 agf, Nov 8, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2013
  12. cdk

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    Have you tried texting her again? Just say something like, I really enjoyed talking to you today, maybe you want to grab a coffee or lunch sometime? If she doesn't respond positively, don't worry too much, keep her as a friend. There will be someone that will respond positively soon :slight_smile: