So, pretty much all my friends are cool with me being Trans. One friend though, when bringing me up to her family members, her boyfriend, or her own group of friends, calls me by my birth name even though all these people know i'm trans and that I go by Alex. She says just so people don't ask or so they don't get confused and I keep telling her that the more you say my name as Alex, people will start to associate me as such. She agrees, and will call me Alex to my face but still says my birth name to those around her. Another thing I've noticed is that when we hang out, she won't tell anyone she's hanging out with me or if someone calls her, she tells me to be quiet so that no one knows she has someone over. My friend has even told me that her boyfriend's father thinks that by hanging out with me, she'll turn into a lesbian which she has explained to him that that's not how it works, but he's very set in his ways so she just doesn't bother. She used to tell me not to be so "out" because people might not understand and I told her that that's the whole reason why I should be. And she frequently brings up the fact that by being with me she feels like she's cheating on her boyfriend or says something like, "Oh, I know those people. I hope they don't think i'm out with another guy." She constantly worries what other people think too much. We've been friends forever and she's helped me through a lot of shit so I don't want to break up our friendship just like that, but how can I get her to calm down about hanging out with me?
So lets take a hypothetical here; You and your friend are walking in town and see someone your friend knows. You stop to chat. Does your friend introduce you as Alex or as your birth name? As for the boyfriend thing, tell her you ARE hanging out with a guy. She shouldn't be throwing the fact that her boyfriend apparently has trust issues in your face!
If i'm with her, she'll call me Alex. But if she was bringing me up in conversation by herself, she admittedly has said she uses both, calling me my birth name then saying "A.K.A, Alex." That's pretty annoying. And I have said, "Yeah, well you ARE hanging out with a guy." and she's like, "Oh, I know, I just hope they don't think i'm cheating."
Well the name thing takes getting used to. When you're with a person its easier to remember, it's just an unfortunate fact! Tell your friend that if she is concerned someone else will think she's cheating on them she needs to be damn clear about what is going on. People are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Her partners trust issues shouldn't be your problem, and nothings going to land you in the shit like having someone say 'I'm just going out with my girl friends' only to go spend time with a dude, trans or otherwise!
