This isn't actually emotional abuse...is it?

So been thinking a lot about emotional abuse and parental relationships.*

It's something I've been researching and musing about for years. Wondered if my relationship with my mother was healthy for years. Doubt it, but I've been wrong before. I've wondered if my mother was an emotional abuser but usually just chalked it up to me being an entitled little brat.*

I was reading a thread on EC about how to recognize emotional abuse. Links were provided and a lot of it seemed to hit close to home. I don't know and don't think what's going on is abuse but I don't think the relationship I had with my mother was a stable or healthy one.

In short, I'm submissive and afraid to disagree with her. She's never lashed out at me physically. I can only remember a couple incidents where she has (being pushed against the wall, slapped) but it's been a few years (and therapy on her part) since she has.*

Usually, she's pretty aimable towards me. But it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and have to avoid anything, especially lately anything that has to do with my gender, to avoid confrontations. She doesn't so much as lash out at me but I'm always hearing how wrong I am, how right she is, and am frequently dismissed if my opinions or feelings don't match hers. I lost weight about a year ago, but until I did, my weight and appearance was constantly being commented on and criticized. Same with my mannerisms. Always used to mock and mimic my voice (which was high and a source of dysphoria), speaking style, how I behaved, usually to friends and family.*

When she's angry and screaming after me- loads of comments about how I do nothing around the house, she has to do everything- despite that I took over running the house for almost two years. And that'd really hit close to home because I felt I really didn't do enough around the house and I wasn't doing everything as right as it should have been. I learned not to argue back because she'd only get worse and was probably right all along.*

When I came out as transgender, she dismissed me. Believed I was BSing, I had deeper issues I'd "blamed on gender". Common when coming out, I guess. But I figured she'd come around eventually, despite she cutting me off from my LGBT support group. She was resistant to me presenting male- I had two 2-3 periods where I was able to get away with it and dress how I wanted. The latter, I was able to go out publicly as myself. But this ended when she learned I was binding my breasts. She demanded I change and once I had, demanded my phone. When I refused, she seized it and my laptop. She now has access to private messages and emails- criticizing the content of a number of them, many being very personal messages concerning my gender and coming out support. Some even called her out for much of the behavior I described above, which she took as me (maybe rightfully) stabbing her in the back.

This isn't the first time she's seized my phone. Last time, she'd gone through private messages and had learned about the existence of a girlfriend- thus outing me as "lesbian" to my father. She claims since I live under her roof and she pays the bill, she has a right to everything on the phone and I can't help but wonder if that's correct.

I'm afraid to stand up for myself. Wishing it were possible to be myself and not have to worry if she'll retaliate. We've had our good times but I'm at the point where I wish I could cut ties because I'm sick of her dismissing me and being so fucking terrified of her.*

Really wish I knew how to handle her and her behavior? Is this relationship healthy and how do I turn the odds in my favor?*