Hello guys, Before going on about this, I'd like to say thank you guys who gave some great advice over a crush I had on a guy that seems to be straight (though I still have my doubts). I have mostly gotten over him and started paying attention to other guys, however after my last encounter with this guy, I lost a lot of confidence. So this year was unexpected. My aim was to focus on my work and avoid any relationships so that I wouldn't repeat what happened freshman year. I moved into a themed dorm and met this guy. At first I didn't make much of him until our floor had an outing and he and I ended up conversing most of the time. At some point I mentioned running and he said I could join when he runs, to which I said maybe because I did not know if I could keep up (yeah I know, I always say the wrong things with him). Once back, I added him on FB and checked his status to see if he mentioned if he was straight or not, because I did not want to fall for another straight guy. I was surprised when I saw that his status said interested in men! I kind of did not let it sink but as the weeks passed I couldn't help but notice that every time I'd see him we'd always have some sort of conversation, to the point where one night he sort of sang a part of a song he knew when we were talking about languages. I wanted to ask him out but after what happened last year, I could never get myself to do it. He's also a senior and I'm a sophomore so I thought he'd want someone more mature (though by age we're one year apart). Now I just found out he went on a date with a guy last week. And a few hours ago, his roommate was in the common room with me and some of their friends and he brought up my crush and his date. So the guy he's seeing is in my year, and apparently they've already made out at some place after having taken a stroll. I'm at a loss. When I first found out he'd been on a date, I'd been sitting next to him and I think he knew I heard and also must have noticed how I acted weird around him for the next two hours (another outing and I was sitting next to him watching a movie). It was a friend who asked him how his date had gone, and he told her he'd tell her later. My friends told me perhaps he knew I like him so he didn't want me to here about his date, but then again we were at a movie theater so it was obviously not that. We came back, I was in the common room. He came in with a friend, asked how I was and I just said good. He came back later and tried to converse with me. I managed to not think about his date and managed to make a conversation with him, and then he left. At this point I don't know what to do. I know he and I are not together but I was hoping that perhaps it might happen later given how well we get along and my hints that I've given him. Now I just want to avoid him at least for a while and try to forget those feelings. Should I give up and move on? Or tell him and see what happens? Any advice is appreciated. Oh and also, I'm asking because I've never dated someone, as I only came out last year and he's one of the first guys I've liked that is actually gay!
It appears to me he has great interest in you. Maybe as a friend, I don't know. Many people go on dates, but that literally doesn't mean he is going to be in love with this person and only focus on them forever. Like I got a weird feeling that he was thinking about you on his date, and that he'd probably rather be with you than the guy he was with. I don't think he knows you like him a lot, and I don't think he was going to talk about his date with that person in front of you, because he wants you and that would be bullshit to talk about a different person. Do you get what I'm saying? Like if I was in a room with my crush I would not talk about a little date I had with someone. (in fact, I would never ever do that lol) I say keep in touch with him, and go on those runs with him! You need personal time together, not with anyone else. I can tell. You need to go to his dorm and just be you two. Your relationship won't develop ever because I feel like there are too many people involved and I think theres like a little pressure because of it. good luck ~
Having some personal time is the best option. Don't worry to much about his date. If he likes you, he will make time for you. Some people take a while to warm up to another person, even if they know "about" each other for a long time. However, you should respect his choice if he doesn't seem to be very interested.
For starters, take him up on the running thing. You won't know if you can keep up until you try. And besides, the point of exercise is to get progressively better, so even if you can't match him now, youll be able to in future. Plus, who knows where helping each other stretch, or massage out sore muscles, or showering afterward could lead? Second, he's either interested in you or knows you're interested in him or both. Assuming he knows you're not straight. If he doesn't then he may be concerned that you're weirded out by him not being straight, or by hearing details of a date with a guy (even straight guys who have no problem with us rarely want to hear details about dates or such that could get them thinking about gay sex). Third, just because he went on a date doesn't mean he's off the market. It means he's looking, although whether just for sex or a relationship or the love of his life, who knows. Finally, the age difference is so small as to mean nothing. And his actions indicate it doesn't bother him. So why not ask him out on a date? Ok, I gather the last attempt didn't go great. Gotta shake it off and try again. And you already know he's not straight. Worst case scenario is you get past all the second guessing even if he says no, and you end up in a situation not much different from now, but with the air cleared and knowing you need to keep looking. Maybe you end up with a friend who can potentially introduce you to other guys who you hit it off with. Maybe he says yes and things go great and you get a lot more than a friend. But you need to get the ball rolling if you want to see any movement. Hope this helps, Todd
Thanks guys for the responses. As for the suggestion about running with him, I actually did ask him about a week or two after he told me. I went to his dorm, knocked and asked him if the offer was still good. He told me he was a bit sick so he probably wasn't going until Friday (a few days later) but that would work. And he and his roommate could circle around if I could not keep up with them (alluding to what I had said that I might not be able to keep up, when we first spoke when we went out as a group). It kind of never came up again and at this point I don't know if I should ask again. As for being gay, he knows since I flat out told him one day. I mentioned something about my interest in Russian and how ironic it was that Russia would not respond in kind because of the fact that I was gay. And as for letting him know that I like him, since his birthday is coming up I finally decided on what to give him. From the times we've talked, I know that he really likes poetry and he gave me the link to his friend's blog where you can post one. After some thoughts on what to get him, I decided that maybe I could attempt to write a poem for his birthday and ask his friend to post it on his birthday that day, so that when he goes on it he'd see it. I'm not good at poetry so I'm not sure what to do yet, but one idea was to ask some of his friends that I know to give me impressions of what they think of him and then put them together into a poem. Another idea was just creating a fresh poem, but with the first letter of each line beginning with a letter in his name so that when you look straight down you can see his name spelled out. Then again my roommate made a good point last night. He said that if my crush is seeing someone, I shouldn't be that guy that breaks them up. So by doing this, I'd be seen as that guy. So now I'm rethinking it. The only times I see him is when I'm in the common room doing work and he comes in to do his dishes. Starting today, I've decided to go back to doing work elsewhere and thus minimizing contact with him. But I do have a project that I asked him to participate in and he agreed. It would entail interviewing him, or something similar since I've yet decided. But it would be just us, though in a professional way since I need this for my linguistics class.
