Hello everyone that's reading this, I've been dating a girl since February. I think we are getting along great and I will definitely continue seeing her. But there is something that is bothering me. She is still very shy and nervous around me. When I move close to her she freezes. I don't know how to make her feel more at ease. For instant, when we were watching a horror movie I laid my hand on her arm when I got scared, she didn't respond at all. This makes me reluctant to make any moves towards her because I also am a very shy, insecure person. This week she visited me (she lives in another city). I wanted to show her a book and sat down close to her. She couldn't even look at me. The biggest issue about all this, is that I will absolutely NOT pressure ANYTHING on her. I've basically been molested by my first boyfriend and I felt bad about it. So I wait for her to show me some approval, but she doesn't. She only hugs me tightly when we're saying goodbye. She really likes me. She's told her parents (who are Christians who would rather see her with a guy) that she's dating me, which is a big deal. She always mails, texts me she likes me, and she continues to travel hours just to see me just a mere moment. We talk everyday to each other. I am also very in love with her. I suddenly remember that she has told me she's kissed a lot of guys before she came out of the closet. She used to be very flirty around men. So she can kiss a lot of men, but she cannot even touch my arm when we're watching series together? This is something that has been bothering me a lot. I am not questioning her sexuality because I know she's gay; it just doesn't makes sense to me. I am gay too and I had much trouble with guys trying to kiss me. What could cause her reluctance towards me? Is there something I can do? Should I just ask her if I could hold her hand or put my arm around her? I've been told that's a huge no go but I am clueless what to do :icon_sad: :help: Sorry for my long and insignificant story but I had to tell someone.
Maybe she had some bad experiences with a woman? Maybe she is still struggling with accepting herself? Try to ask her why she behaves that way. Let her know you won't judge her, but you don't want to hurt her and her behavior confuses you...
In general, I try to avoid physical contact as much as possible because it terrifies me how much I actually want it. Maybe it's the same with her? Is she used to being touched (hugged, kissed, etc.) ?
@Nick07 She hasnt had any experience with women yet. We have found eachother when we had just came out to ourselves. She has told me that in the last couple of.months she has become a happier person because she finally accepts herself. But I think I am going to ask her why, no matter how nrrve recking that may be! @evora I think she isn't used to hugs or other physical contact at all, so maybe that's part of the problem. am the first one she dates since she was 13. Thank you for your replies
I think you are doing the right thing by just giving her some time. She's probably very shy and perhaps even a little bit scared. Maybe thats something you could talk with her about and get her to open up with you about. Just the fact knowing that she likes you, and you like her as well, I think things will work out just fine!
