As of today I have been single for a complete month. I find this really rough as I have just gotten out of 7 year relationship and what makes it worse is that I still live with him in our small two bedroom apartment. It is under his belief that our separation was mutual but I am struggling to let him go. In the past we have discussed marriage and a future but it wasn't till recently that I felt comfortable with who I am and allowed me to be honest with people. This was hard for him over the years as only select people knew and he wanted something more, without ever pushing me which was a good and bad thing. Last month I came to the revelation that I couldn't imagine living life without him and that worst thing I had ever done is keep him a secret. When I had told him this he had already made up his mind that we needed to separate ourselves from the relationship for 'a little bit'. He explained that he has never been in another relationship before and wanted to know if this is truly what a relationship is like. I understand where he came from and explained that this hasn't felt like a real relationship because I wasn't able to be open in the past. If I could go back in time I would change ever being ashamed of myself but alas I cannot. It is hard because he says he still really loves me but can't be in a relationship with me right now. It's so hard and I am trying to give him his space to explore new things but I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines just waiting. How have other people dealt with difficult breakups? I need help making it through this rough patch in my life and throwing myself into work is exhausting my body :icon_sad:
This may be a case where absence makes the heart grow fonder... He needs to re-evaluate his place in your life, unfortunately you need to accept this as a necessary step to a decision. All you can do at this point is to be ready for him, and if you're lucky, he'll be back.
I agree, if it is meant to be it will be, and yes he might just need some time to realize what he is missing.. similar thing happened with me but I was the one who broke it off, it took me two and a half weeks to realize I need her, no matter how crazy she makes me we are better together.. sometimes people just need to take a breath and some space, don't drive yourself crazy with the what if's, you weren't ready, and that is ok! There is no shame in that, it takes time and you cannot rush it, like I said if it is meant to be it will be
Thanks for the advice. I am always one to over think and over analyze so I find it hard to separate myself from it. @bazinga91, I appreciated your story because it showed that sometimes a break can be for the better. If it is meant to be it'll happen and I can't force it (unfortunately). A lot of people have given me similar advice and I know over time things will get easier. Does anyone else have any stories to help me feel like I can stay strong with or without him?
I just through out the idea of couples therapy, if you think there is anything left worth salvaging. Several gay couples I know have saved their relationships by going. It might be awkward to suggest at this point, but, anything good is worth fighting for. If it is truly over, then I find becoming active in volunteering, and getting outside the house as much as possible very important. Don't workaholic, focus on self improvement for the next great relationship!
Workaholism is bad.. It's just masking the problem. Very difficult if you are still living in the same apartment. Some good advice above from others. Have you other friends you could talk this through with for support?
I'd strongly recommend you get into therapy. If you've been in a relationship for 7 years and are still closeted... there are some very serious self-esteem issues that you need to work out, and he is probably correct that the way this relationship has looked for the past 7 years has probably not been healthy at all. It would also be really good if the two of you could, together, see a different therapist for couples work. That's assuming that he has the slightest interest in making it work. If so, a couples therapist could help the two of you communicate, help with the issues of what he's feeling but not telling you, and you him, and together better understand each other.
Thanks for the advice on couples counciling. I feel like it might be a good idea for me to explore my issues before I try bringing him into it. He tells me that he still loves me but he can't be in a relationship now which makes it hard for me but I understand where he is coming from. It might be too late to uncover my own insecurities for him but it might just be beneficial for myself.
