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Is he bi or just pretending and running away

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Confused1717, Oct 20, 2013.

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  1. Confused1717

    Confused1717
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi, I am deeply saddened by a recent crush that I had on this guy. We met on the highly popular app for gay men called ******, where most of the times you find sexual partners close to wherever you are based on GPS location. Anyway, I met him few weeks ago because he works 2 blocks from my apt. We met outside his office building for a cigarette and immediately hit it off. I had just recently come out of a bad breakup and wasn't immediately attracted to him so I said I was only looking for a new friend. We immediately started hanging out daily as he lives really close to my apt as well. So every time after work we'd meet for a chat, cigarette, meeting his friends for happy hour, etc. he is bi (closeted) and asked me not to say anything to his friends which of course I didn't. I saw no problem with it since all I wanted was a friendship and didn't think I'd fall for him. 3 weeks went by and I found myself happy again at the thought of finding a potential bf since my previous ill fated relationship left me burned and spent. I didn't mention anything to him since I wante to take things slowly and also so to not scare him away. I however got drunk last weekend and sent him a text saying I wanted to kiss him, thinking he'd reciprocate and say he'd like to kiss me as well.

    He did not. He replied the next day saying that he had already met a girl around the same time we met and that she most likely would become his gf. I was, am devastated. I didn't see it coming and I'm extremely sad. I feel betrayed that even though he never made an advance or tried to kiss me or make me fall in love with him, he def did give me mixed signals and made me think we could be more than friends. He insisted he wanted to remain buddies and hanging out as before, start over new basically but I told him I couldn't do that or that I'd need some time to get there.

    As much as he is smitten on this chick he met and how highly he thinks of her, I stil think he is a gay closet case and is afraid to come out and face a relationship with someone he really likes and has an awesome time with (me)Just because he is still active on ****** and is o line at least once a day. I don't know how to react and how to keep the connection going without getting hurt. If I don't see him I get sad but if I see him I get sad too. Anyone been in the same situation? What do u recommend? Last week we had h
    This conversation where i told him how i felt and ever since we havent spoken much, at least not as much as before. He is also super stressed as hes studying for his gmat test next week and has no time fir anything else, but what can i expect sfter his test is finished? Thanks so much!
     
    #1 Confused1717, Oct 20, 2013
  2. StephenSC

    StephenSC
    Full Member

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    Location:
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    I've never been in this situation so I will just give you the advice that springs to my mind. Sorry if it sounds harsh, I only mean to help you.


    Firstly, this could be wrong but when you say "that this guy was/is giving mixed signals" I feel that may not be the case.

    I think that either, your interest in the guy is making you want (and see) things that aren't really there. I think a lot of people with crushes have been there, and when they've looked back in time and realised their thoughts were heightened a lot from reality (Everyone wants to think someone they care about cares about them too). Or, as you've just come out of a relationship it's likely that your subconsciously over compensating and very eager to be "loved and wanted" again. So will see things stronger then they are in reality.

    Additionally, any strong signals that were there may have been misinterpreted. Maybe the guy is new to exploring his sexuality and was just having a "playful flirt" rather then expressing a serious desire. It's possible he felt he could do so safely as you stated you had interest in only being friends.

    Lastly what your saying about him being a secret closet case could be true, or it might be wrong...I can't say for sure. One thing I can say for sure though is that nothing good can come from trying to force someone into a role they are either, not ready to be in, or are never able to be in. That's something he will need to come to terms with himself.


    I think, as it sounds like you've made your intentions clear to him, your best bet is to try and let your feelings slide for awhile (as hard as that is!) and just be his friend (if you can, it's worth trying). Perhaps in time he will be ready and willing to explore/share deeper feelings with you (Or perhaps not) but he needs to do so in his own time. For awhile he may be a little awkward with you, though in time he should come to terms with it. And hopefully you can as well.

    I think it would be a good thing for you to find some other, or another, friend to spend time with, to take attention and maybe desire away from this one person.

    I wish you all the best and hope you can both continue to be good friends in a manner your both comfortable with.
     
    #2 StephenSC, Oct 20, 2013
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