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I'm not defective! Promise!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sysreq, Oct 21, 2013.

  1. sysreq

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    I'm not defective! I promise! I'm only human. I'm just gay. But is that a reason to be called a 'little faggot' and 'gayboy' by my mom? She's just a homophobe in denial of her sons sexuality, and mad that the 'manufacturer gave her a defective son.' Well SOORR-Y that I like guys! Not like I chose it. Not that I mind it, either, though.
    And then the thing about disregarding all that I said: I told her I was gay on NCOD and she said (after all it took for me to say it) that it was a phase, I must be kidding, I'm experimenting, etc, etc, etc. She thinks I 'need to have sex to be sure of your sexuality.' Gah, I'm not dumb.
    I wonder what she would have said if I'd told her I was bisexual when I thought I was. Some bullshit about being a player, confused, sleeping around and being 'perverted,' probably.
    Then the day after NCOD (National Coming Out Day) she asked me about my girlfriend. WTF? My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. I wasn't even mad; she said she was bisexual and was dating a girl. Fine. I felt bad about leading her on anyways.

    I knew I should have waited until I could move to tell her. I think I have to bring a boyfriend home for her to believe me. She'd kick me out then: "YOU MEAN I DON'T GET GRANDCHILDREN!?" No, mom. Gay couples can adopt, you ignoramus.
    What do I do now?
     
  2. rin101

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    Ok, first of all, let me start this post out by saying, holy SHIT, you are NOT defective! You are a freaking miracle, the most capable and incredible creation to walk the earth, and you are NOT a mistake! I'm sorry if that's extreme, but I really want to make sure you know that.
    Next, I think you're brave for coming out, and even braver for surviving all of this and persevering. That's really awesome. It's horrible that your mom is that mean to you, and I wish I had more to say. My dad and I have a really terrible relationship, but we just kind of avoid each other. Can your dad help you out? Or any other member of your family? Is there somewhere you can get away, like a friend or family's house? I don't want to see you get hurt, but I know that living in such a negative environment can be heartbreaking. I'd recommend moving away as soon as possible, and maybe keeping your sexuality on the down-low until you're far away, as much as that sucks. Until then, I would try and repair things with your mom. Maybe get a counselor. Even SS, if things go to that level--but that's for extremes. Tell her how horrible this is, remind her that you're HER child, and that you are NOT a defect! You're a living, breathing human being with worth and value and deserve to be treated as such.
    I hope things get so, so much better for you, friend :slight_smile:. Good luck.
     
  3. 2112

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    It's only been a little over a week. Give her time, she'll get used to it. It doesn't sound like she hates you for it, she's probably just shocked and might take a little longer to get over it.
    This seems to be the biggest problem with my mom. She doesn't really even seem to care that I'm gay.
     
  4. sysreq

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    Thank you so much for that, it made me feel a LOT better :grin:
    My dad...I dunno what his reaction would be (my parents are separated). Probably fine, so I suppose I can tell him. I was thinking of waiting till I could move to tell my mom, yes, but I was also thinking I might get in a relationship...although that probably won't happen unless I move; nobody around here is openly gay.
    I think you're quite amazing as well, seeing as you wrote all that :slight_smile: Thanks, it means a lot.
    Yeah, when I'm not homeschooling I'm either console/PC gaming or out hanging out with my amazing friends who accept me for what I am (a NOT defective, freaking miracle and the most capable and incredible creature to walk the earth, and NOT a mistake (And that's not extreme, I needed it.)).
    My family? They might be Canadian* (in which gay marriage has been legal since the 50s, and discrimination/hate speech directed at non-heterosexuals ANYBODY is a punishable federal offense :grin:), but I've asked and fortunately all but my favourite cousins have said that 'two f*gs cannot be happy together. They'll always be sinners.' and that (high falsetto voice) 'marriage is between a man and a woman.' Sheesh.
    I actually have a cousin who's like 11 going on 21 who knows he's not straight. He told his parents, and sadly they have to hide it from the rest of the family sans me. But I'm the one supporting him; not vice versa.

    True, but the problem is that the stigma even exists. What can ya do, right?

    She's kind of shoved it under the table, which isn't going to stop me from doing anything. I'm still going to use gay pride flags for my profile pic and cover on facebook. I'm still going to come on EC every day, and I'm still going to just be myself.
    I'm just going to ignore any sexuality/relationships related questions/topics because she told me last night (unprompted, I was talking about how rhubarb should be cut) after I made this thread that she 'should have gotten an abortion' and 'didn't WANT a little f*ggot for a son.' Seriously? Coming from someone whose opinion is a matter of MY opinion, I wouldn't care. Not so from my mom. I then cried myself to sleep.


    *not to be rude but I prefer coming from a country where the tea party isn't trying to 'sue homosexuality,' and where things like the Westboro Baptist Church are illegal...
     
  5. rin101

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    You're welcome :slight_smile:. I'm glad to hear it made you feel better, I was getting really worried when you weren't replying. I think I speak from too much bad experience.
    ((Also, keep gaming. It's my mission to watch anime and eat pizza until gay marriage is legal. And after that, I'll probably keep doing it.)) In shock or not, there is no freaking reason to use slurs. I'm sorry that your family are all such d-bags. I'm a religious person, and hearing people using religion to defend hate makes me so incredibly angry. I'm pretty sure they've missed the part about God loving everybody. I'm actually pretty angry at some of the things your mom said, especially the part about the abortion--I don't understand how anybody could bring themselves to say that to their son. I don't care if he has a sexual attraction to Cool Ranch Doritos, he's your SON, and you should love him under any and all circumstances.
    I wish I could give you more advice than just to "stand strong." The most I can do is offer my full support and the promise of people standing behind you. I really hope things get better for you. Talk to your cousin a lot--just one more person in your family can help a lot. Help each other out, being there for someone else can help you more than anything I, or anyone else, could ever tell your mother.
    And rely on your dad. Having somewhere to go, especially if your parents are separated, can make all the difference.
    I hope you never have to cry yourself to sleep again.
     
  6. sysreq

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    I hope so too.

    My mom IS religious, and I've tried to remind her that God loves everybody and that the parts of the bible said to 'hate gays' doesn't actually condemn homosexuality. I'm not religious, so I don't feel I have to obey the bible or any other writing if I don't want to. I have nothing against religion; I'm just not. The bible doesn't say anywhere that all sinners should be shouted down; just that it ought to be duly noted that they are in fact sinners. Hate the sin, not the sinner, apparently.
    I do like anime, it's just that sometimes I wish my life were so perfect and happy. I also rarely find time to watch it. And I'm never going to stop gaming and drinking Mountain Dew and watching Youtube videos and listening to music and hanging out with my friends. Ever. Regardless of marriage rights, though that is interesting. (Idea!)

    However unhappy and troubled I may sound, I count myself lucky. I'm not addicted to drugs, I don't smoke, I never have and never intend to touch a drop of alcohol, I haven't had underage sex, I have a laptop and some amazing friends whose relationships with me I value. I can read and write, and my IQ is higher than that of 97% of people my age and older. I'm also an optimist, as you can probably tell by now. I also started a thread on this website yesterday, and this 16 year old genderqueer who knows what I mean, and knows what to say and when to say it replied. She's* a big help and made me feel a lot better :slight_smile:

    And really, I find myself feeling happier now than before I came out. The hardest part wasn't telling my friends; I knew they'd be fine with it. The hardest part was accepting myself, which wasn't that hard at all, really.

    By the way, I'm fourteen, but if I make my infobox say my age it says I'm 33.

    I didn't reply right away because I'm in school right now. Homeschool, as I said. Sorry about that. I can promise you I'm not going to leave you hanging. There's too much in this world for me; it outweighs any downsides. There aren't any douchebags harassing me daily and wanting me to suicide besides my mother, but I have started ignoring her. I'm glad I'm not in public school.

    Is NALT the National Association for/of LGBT Teens? Or something? I've been looking for associations like that. I would totally start a GSA if I went to a public school.

    *I've seriously never talked to a person who doesn't live by the gender binary; however assuming from your profile pic you are biologically a girl. I apologise if the feminine pronoun is offensive, but I didn't want to write 'They.'
     
  7. rin101

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    "She" pronouns are A-ok, "they" is cool too, but yeah, I'm biologically female. I'm not offended. ((Living off the binary kinda sucks never do it--but if you have any questions, it's ok to ask :slight_smile: . I'm a hard person to offend.))
    NALT is "Not All Like That," a Christian group that supports the LGBT community and offers guidance, housing, and acceptance to queer Christians. It's really a fantastic thing. If you're looking for an LGBT teen group, try checking itgetsbetter.org or fckh8.com, and see if they have anything listed.
    ((I say I'll only do nothing but watch anime until marriage rights but I get bad feeling like that's going to turn out to be my entire life))
    I'm really, legitimately glad that I could help you feel better. It's great that you have friends that support you, and that you find all these things that are awesome about your life; having a good attitude towards things can legitimately make all the difference. I used to be homeschooled, too, when I was much younger, but I've since transferred to private school which is not nearly as bad as public school. Though, maybe you should look into small private schools, if only to get out of the house more. It's pretty good--at least, where I go, it is.
    And it's ok about not replying, it's just A: I'm an impatient person (something I have to work on) and B: like I said, I do speak from some bad experience, so I'm pretty inclined to worrying easily.
     
  8. 2112

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    :tears: I didn't realize she was that bad! (*hug*)
     
  9. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    I am a Mom and I think you are awesome!!
    Proud of you for being you! (*hug*)
     
  10. sysreq

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    Yeah, well, 2112, I try to ignore it. It can kinda suck though...
    Thanks (&&&)

    Right, but if she was going to be supportive she would be by now.
    Maybe she'll invent a I-Take-That-Back Machine. I could use one of those...