So I'm out to my the majority of immediate family with no huge problems. They just tell me that it doesn't matter, and whatever makes me happy. My mother taught me how to spot gay guys. She has no problem with gay people. But whenever I comment about a girl, she rolls her eyes and tells me to stop being so hormonal. When I used to comment about guys, she didn't have that much of a problem with it. Yesterday, I made some joke about Mary Lambert's nails being too long, and she got all snappish and told me to "spend less time trolling on empty closets" and "stop thinking about being gay all the time." She says she's OK with me being a lesbian, but she seems to think that I should be gay and live a straight life. What I mean by that is to be attracted to and have relationships with girls, but not act any differently than I did when I thought I was straight. But the thing is, I'm not the same person. I listen to Mary Lambert, watch Ellen, am not afraid to embrace my (soft) butch-ness, and am open about crushing on Avril Lavigne. It's not that I changed to fit into a sterotype, it's just that I'm OK with being who I am. I'm no more obsessed with being a lesbian than my friends are with checking out boys. I feel like it's been hard enough accepting myself without her making things harder. I know I'm lucky that she didn't disown me or anything, but am I right to be upset? Am I just being overly-sensitive? Can anyone here relate to this?
Yes I can certainly relate. My mother, although accepting (I'm 53, way past the time she can tell me what to do) she still avoids talking about it when I want to. She constantly goes back to stories she heard from gay colleagues about how hard life is and that I should be very careful...as if I don't know these things. I think your mum just doesn't appreciate what a big deal it is to us and so she thinks it doesn't warrant so much psychic energy.
I honestly think it's more like an updated PC version of don't ask, don't tell: OK, you told us you're gay, we told you we'd accept it, but please don't make us think about it at all and for God's sake don't flaunt it!!!
No such thing because "gay" should be a sexuality, not an all-encompasing identity. Look, I'm masculine, don't tell if they don't ask, but to the few that do, I'm proud (just not loud). But that's me. I've never worn bright colors—but that was mostly because I used to be fat and still don't like wearing them. One of my good buddies is as flamboyant as they come and the head of our LGBTQ group. I don't think he's too gay because that's his expression. And that's him. If we start to identify what's too gay or not gay enough within our own community, we will start to build walls that already oppress a lot of people. Some guys say I'm homophobic for being masculine, but I would argue that one, they clearly don't know me well enough to know it's not an act, and two, they're playing into bigotry by assuming all "gayness" should or shouldn't equate to camp. To each his own, and peace of mind/body to you.
Sorry if I do the quotes wrong, I'm really new at the forum stuff. Being confident in one's sexuality is a big deal. Thanks for affirming that I'm not crazy. Made me chuckle. It's true, though! This is my opinion exactly. My mother seems scared that my liking girls will eat the rest of my personality, because I've talked about it a lot.
I can largely relate. I set my Facebook profile photo to the gay pride flag and my mom says that I'm just asking for attention/hate yet the only hate I've even gotten was from her. I painted a car in a racing game with the gay pride flag (because it was pretty and colorful) and my mom noticed and said 'nice car...too bad it has the gay flag on it. There's no need for that kind of expression.' I've tried to tell her I'm gay and she says it's a phase, and that I 'shouldn't be proud to be gay.'
