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Feeling really depressed and don't know what to do, please help!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by badwolf4, Oct 21, 2013.

  1. badwolf4

    Regular Member

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    Last week I found out my crush had gone out on a date. Then that Friday his roommate was talking to their mutual friends in front of me about how they made out while on a stroll, and that my crush received a hickey. I was upset that night and the next. All Saturday I tried to avoid the common room so I wouldn't see him and ended up studying somewhere else. That night I let myself get carried away. I found someone hosting a group thing and I ended up going, because I wanted to show that I could move on. Anyways, not long after I got there, I was the last one with the host. And I let him bite me on the neck and as a result I now have two hickies. I came back and Sunday my roommate told how it's bad to have one, especially if you're not in a relationship. So I tried to hide it but I think my crush's roommate saw it and told him. So now he knows what I did and probably guessed why. So last night as I was leaving the common room he came in to do work. I came back later to heat up food and some guy was sitting next to him, most likely his bf. I was taken back since he never had brought him here before and whenever this one girl (mutual friend of my crush and his date) would bring up the subject he'd avoid it.
    We got on very well when we first met and things looked good. He was single and I believe that this girl set them up and well they started dating. I'm sure by now he's seen my hickey. He came into the common room about 2 hours ago with his backpack. I was listening to music on my laptop while doing work and he just filled up his bottle and left without a word. He usually at least says hi and we start a conversation that lasts a while (at least 5 minutes). But anyways he left and I don't know if he left because he saw me in here and didn't want t work because of the loud music, or because he was going to have his bf come again, or if he was actually on his way out perhaps to meet up with the guy, or if he was coming back from somewhere.
    Anyways I regretted what I did Saturday night right away but the damage is done. I don't know if he thinks less of me now and if he'll never see me as anything more than a friend (if even that). I wonder if I should study elsewhere to avoid seeing him? He comes in to do dishes and rarely does his work in the common room unless for a good reason. A friend just texted me telling me she has a spot where I can join her and do work. But it's almost late and I don't have much left to do so I don't want to leave, and also because I want to see if my crush will come in later and bring his bf.
    At the same time while I could avoid him, I feel like I shouldn't have to move my study are because of him, but is it healthy? What should I do?
    I just feel really depressed about this :frowning2:. Hurting myself has crossed my mind but my will is stronger than that as I value life a lot and consider anything against it to be wasteful and unthinkable.
     
  2. rin101

    Regular Member

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    First of all, hurting yourself is never the answer. Doing your body harm won't do anything to help your mind.
    Next, I think that the hickey was your choice, and no one should be spiteful or angry towards you if you have one, in a relationship or not. It's likely that your crush was just in a hurry, or it looked like you were busy, so I wouldn't take the encounter too personally. It's not good to avoid him either. If he asks about the hickey, just say that it wasn't a serious thing and you have no intentions of seeing the person again. Don't avoid him if it makes you upset. You shouldn't have to adjust your life because of him. But one of the biggest traps of the mind is envy. Don't purposefully hang around them, it'll only hurt you more. Let them be happy. The most important and difficult lesson to learn about love is that if you truly love a person, the only thing you want is for them to be happy-whether or not that involves you.
    So don't feel spiteful towards your crush. Don't be ashamed of the hickey, it was your choice. Don't avoid him and make yourself miserable. Do what makes you happy and what's best for those around you, and all will fall into place. And please, never, ever hurt yourself, that's coming from me personally. You're far too valuable and important for that. Good luck, friend :slight_smile: