I'm a lesbian in my early 20s. I found a love 100x more powerful than any I've ever felt, and me and this girl are talking marriage. But how's this for a fucking Shakespearean caveat- my parents told me they would ACTUALLY LITERALLY DEFINITELY DISOWN ME if they catch me talking to my baby. It's not because we're both women- although my family has never taken kindly to my orientation- it's because me and my girl have both had struggles with addiction, and unfortunately my family has seen us at our very worst because we dated when we were younger and and sick in the head. Now that we're reformed and more in love than ever before, I have this nightmare ultimatum to deal with. So far, I've been lying to my family and dating her in secret, but it's INCREDIBLY difficult to keep such a huge part of my life a secret, and the guilt and the fear that come with lying are really taking a toll on me. I'd really appreciate any advice. Thank you.
It's hard to find some one especially for lesbians and other minorities. I say keep her and your parents need to get over it cus in the end it's not them marrying some one it's you.
My brother once told me this "Never let our family dictate who you are in a relationship with because at the end of the day you are the one that has to deal with her not them and never let your girl keep you from your family either. It's a shity situation but you love your family and care about your girl so do what you gotta do to keep them both." For once my brother actually made sense to me only on the first part that is. It's your life, your happiness, and your choice. If she is what makes you happy then be with her and don't lie to your parents about it either because she may not like being kept a secret. I'm sorry that you were even put in that position.
Well obviously your girlfriend loves u more than your family does so I personally would keep the one that loves you for who you are
I had a VERY similar situation. I came out, unintentionally, to my parents. Well, I said I was dating my girlfriend but I'm not gay as I am still attracted to guys. Anyway, they went mental and did actually disown me. They cut off my funding for university and basically drove off without a goodbye on my first day of uni (great timing I know). But, they have come round since then. They aren't happy with my sexuality and mostly blame everything on my girlfriend so they believe their issue is with her. They won't accept her, but I don't need them to. They have agreed to pay for my fees, we speak regularly, it's almost back to how it was and this is only 3 weeks into them finding out. At one point it was between my girlfriend and them, I chose her. They were being ridiculous and completely unfair. If they couldn't love me in all situations then I decided I didn't want them to in any. Parents, in my experience, do normally come round. It will just take time. I say- go with what feels right and follow your heart. Good luck!
Well, your parents made that conviction when you were younger and making some crazy choices that your parents witnessed. You both are now older and at a different point in your life. You need to somehow explain this to your parents. If they understand that you both aren't the crazy's you were before. They may still not like it, but at least that is one less thing they can argue against you two. I don't believe you should let anyone tell you who you can love or threaten you into leaving the person that you love. So go with your girl, and hopefully, in time, your parents will learn that they don't want to lose you as a daughter.
Remember that your family loves you. Addiction affects everyone in that person's life, so they must have been very relieved when you got clean. Your family is supposed to protect you, so it's understandable that they would be concerned about you slipping back into the same cycle. However, your family should also trust you. If you're confident that you can be with this girl and stay sober, then tell your family that! No one should have to choose, and I wish you all the best.
Your girlfriend isn't the one making unreasonable demands. I refuse to even acknowledge people that only contribute to my life by adding toxic. If it isn't this girl, then they might disapprove of the next person you're with and this could continue for the rest of your life. I would nip that shit right in the bud and simply say I may be your child, but you're an adult now and it's your life to lead. Plus, you would think they would pleased that you found someone with the same experiences as you. She knows when to help and intervene should you ever slip back into that life, you would imagine, and the same to you about her. You both would contribute to a stronger support system, no? >_>
