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Friend expectations, disappointment

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by quicksplash, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. quicksplash

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    San Jose
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't get people. Apparently, I can sorta make friends, but then they end up disappointing me. Are my expectations too high? It seems like such a balancing act, trying to figure out a place between high and low expectations.

    I haven't really talked to my friends "" in about a month. From what psychology I know, part of its probably me: I isolate myself, maybe it gives me a sense of control. (But I really didn't feel like talking to them the whole time, like I've had enough of people, particularly the group of gay friends that I know). I wanna see if anyone cares..idk. I mean I sort of know what I'm doing? I mean, I'm partly at fault at least. Maybe it'd be fine if I wasn't aware of what I was doing, but I try to be rational and not be so emotions, which to me, runs a greater risk of being hurt.

    I mean I start the conversation like never. I don't know what to talk about, what to say. I don't want to be rejected or experience disappointment so I sort of avoid it altogether. Basically, people talk to me, and then I talk to them. But I'm bad at continuing conversations without them dying a long awkward silence, a quick drop into silence, short answers, or parroting. Nothing to say.
    It sucks. It really does.

    I'm bad at keeping up friendships I guess.
    I also often feel left out of conversations, which makes me just be less interested if I wasn't already not interested, and think: oh, I'm here if ..yeah...sigh..whatever...I sorta don't want to be here. I just feel like no-one pays attention to me; like I'm not really there. [I thought we were friends, but you guys have been talking to each other and I'm not in the conversation...]
    Am I being an attention whore? Jealous?

    Am I driving people away? Seem uninterested? I expect nothing; I don't act first because I don't want to be hurt, but then we become friends or sort of, and then my expectations go up, (I still don't ever initiate anything) and then :icon_sad:
    Is it my expectations? Cause to be honest, embarrassing honest, I would really like to have a friend relationship like they show on screen. Someone who gets me and who I enjoy being around, and (someone that I wouldn't feel left out around). Clinginess much? But people already have their besties...So I can't really trust people so that I can avoid the hurt... I know that if I can't even have good friend-relationships, love is not even on the horizon any time soon huh... I'm sorry.
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    OMG It's me from a few months ago! Spooky!

    Quick question splash. Are you happy with yourself? By which I mean, do you like the person you are, would you be friends with you?

    I ask this, because I sure as hell didn't like myself for most of my life and felt basically the same as you. I got help with that, improved my own self image and it HAS helped...that's all I've got in the advice department I'm afraid! sorry!